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Original poster

Is this MIL's finest hour?

622 replies

namechangeorimfucked · 18/06/2015 11:54

I've had to name change because my family members know my name on here and if they knew what she was doing all hell would break loose..

MIL is currently on her way to the hospital to visit a relative (her niece). Niece has just this morning welcomed her first baby after a very traumatic labour that has lasted days. A failed induction and many hours later, she has had an EMCS and both are apparently doing well. MIL knows about all this because her SIL has been giving her updates as she receives them from her DD and her partner. She has relayed said details to me and DH.

MIL gets on ok with her SIL but does not like her niece, she has been very judgmental all through her pg, both behind her back and to her face. As a result of this, niece and MIL fell out at a family gathering about 3 months ago.

MIL received a message from her SIL saying that the baby is here but they do not want visitors til visiting time tonight. Despite being told this, MIL is going to the hospital to see the baby... Her SIL is not even attempting to go yet and its her GC.

Niece lives in another county, MIL is on her way there now, NHS staff badge around her neck, to pop in and see the baby. She accused the niece and of being 'silly' and once she gets there she will be happy to have a visitor. She also said that she has to go now because she is busy later in the week and 'can't be expected to wait for them'

The Niece's DP is on facebook now letting everyone know things are ok. Do me and DH tell him she is coming?

We explained to her that she will not be let in if they don't want to see her and she said she 'knows her way around' and is 'practically staff'. She is expecting to see the baby before her own SIL...this is going to cause a shitstorm so big it will consume us all.

OP posts:
Hippymama1 · 18/06/2015 12:08

I would probably report the usage of the NHS badge to her work too - that's awful and she should be formally disciplined.

Original poster
namechangeorimfucked · 18/06/2015 12:11

Ok

DH has privately messaged niece's DP, hes furious that she on her way here and really upset, especially after everything thats happened. They are just trying to calm down and enjoy their new baby ffs.

Only we know she is on her way there, if he stands there all guns blazing to confront her (like he said he was going to). She will know that me and DH told him when she asked us not too and that will open up a world of hurt for us. But in a way I want him to do it, she needs to be told and put in her place once and for all.

her SIL still doesn't know what she is doing and niece's Dp has agreed not to tell her as she will be really upset. Although why she was telling MIL what was going on with her daughter when she knows what MIL is like is beyond me.

She has never been to this hospital before, no one knows her, but she thinks the staff badge will be enough.

She has used it before to get her way. I phoned our antenatal ward for advice on a problem I was having in my pregnancy, she found out but I wouldn't share what it was about. She rang the antenatal ward and spoke to an old friend, who told her what I called for. I was livid..

OP posts:
paulapompom · 18/06/2015 12:12

Agree with all pp - yes warn everybody!! This is madness Confused

SunnyBaudelaire · 18/06/2015 12:13

really namechangeorimfucked she did that? Sounds like both she and her friend could be guilty of 'gross misconduct' surely?

Original poster
namechangeorimfucked · 18/06/2015 12:13

Only me, DH, DN's partner and a small handful of others see her for what she is.

She is very controlling and manipulative, she manages to get people to feel sorry for her.

OP posts:
Hippymama1 · 18/06/2015 12:14

I would formally complain about that too namechanged - she has abused her position more than once and should face the consequences - she sounds horrendous!

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 18/06/2015 12:14

She rang the antenatal ward and spoke to an old friend, who told her what I called for. I was livid..

That is shocking breach of confidential information. Both MIL and her friend could lose their jobs for that.

TurnipCake · 18/06/2015 12:15

You could have had her friend hauled up in front of a disciplinary panel - breech of confidentiality is taken very seriously.

If you can, tell her DP to stay calm, let the midwife in charge of the post-natal ward know - security in this environment is paramount, he does not need to confront her, she will not be allowed in.

Original poster
namechangeorimfucked · 18/06/2015 12:15

Sunny Yep.

Her old school friend works on the ward, MIL rang her and made casual conversation, then got it out of her that I had called. She pretended to know what it was about so the old friend spoke about it, not realising she was giving away something I didn't want MIL to know about.

OP posts:
SoldierBear · 18/06/2015 12:15

Definitely let the DP know.
That is so awful

wickedlazy · 18/06/2015 12:16

I would facebook the dp "I think mil is going to drop in sometime this afternoon" be matter of fact about it, don't say anything rude or nasty (to them anyway). Let the DP go "what?!" and let him decide from there. If you warm him they might be able to contact her and put her off coming "thanks but no thanks, we've asked staff to turn everyone away"and nip this in the bud before said shit storm happens.

She doesn't sound very nice. And using her nhs badge like that is so unprofessional.

5YearsTime · 18/06/2015 12:16

What a dick. Who the hell does she think she is!

You have done the right thing.

Original poster
namechangeorimfucked · 18/06/2015 12:16

I feel SO sorry for her DN, I know I would be horrified if I was her. And she is my DH's mum- so its even worse for us with our DC.

OP posts:
wickedlazy · 18/06/2015 12:17

*Warn

BettyCatKitten · 18/06/2015 12:20

Op, that was a major breach of confidentiality, a sackable offence. Shock
I'm glad nieces DP knows she's on her way. This is the last thing the poor niece needs after a traumatic cs. Well done for informing on her, even though it will cause shit for you. Mil's narcisstic behaviour needs to be challenged.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 18/06/2015 12:20

I'm glad you've contacted them, definitely the right thing to do.

I hope the DP will notify the ward staff and they will simply turn her away.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 18/06/2015 12:20

I struggle to understand why she thinks she can waltz to a hospital she doesnt work at, into a maternity ward and into the room of a new mum whom she has show her disdain for, to visit the baby. What was going to do, ignore both new parents and go straight for the baby.

That's gotta be right on top of bat shit crazy.

OnlyLovers · 18/06/2015 12:20

She needs reporting to the trust, or whoever (I'm sorry, I don't know how it works). That is massively unprofessional.

Wishful80smontage · 18/06/2015 12:21

She's a fucking bitch a very nasty one at that- I would not be speaking to her after today whatever the outcome.

Koalafications · 18/06/2015 12:21

I feel so sorry for the niece and her DP.

Why do people have to be so bloody selfish. Who needs this kind of shit hours after labour?! Angry

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 18/06/2015 12:23

Hopefully, the midwives on the ward would ask new mum and dad if they want visitors. I know when I was on ward after CS they asked if I wanted visitors.

MaxPepsi · 18/06/2015 12:24

Is this the same MIL who went overseas to a Christening she specifically wasn't invited to?

Please tell me there is not more than one of them!

Oh, and you have def done the right thing and I guess you probably can't confirm if you have changed your name.

SunnyBaudelaire · 18/06/2015 12:24

sounds like she has been watching too much EastEnders or Hollyoaks and thinks that she too is living in a soap opera.
Report her to the trust she works for , OP, just do it.

badg3r · 18/06/2015 12:25

You absolutely did the right thing telling them. I would report her to the trust for gross misconduct re digging for confidential information. People have lost their jobs over less, that is absolutely not on.

RudeBarbandCustard · 18/06/2015 12:25

How awful. You've done the right thing.

MIL doesn't need to know that you've warned the DP, if he just warns staff and asks them to say no to any visitors. MIL will then just think that they're issuing a blanket ban and won't know that it's directed at her.

She sounds appalling. The poor DN.

I'd be very tempted to tell the DN's mother as well. She needs to know that her sister is on her way to try and gazump her first sight of her grandchild.