To think this is rude at a concert

[TheRobbingBastards]

We went to DS's Summer concert last night. This is a big event for the music department and the children who perform.

My judgey pants were pulled well up at the couple who arrived with two younger DS's (about 7is) in tow, plonked themselves in the front row then fished an iPad in a luminous green case out of a bag. The two boys then spent the whole concert playing a game that involved much waving of arms. All the time they were sat in front of the stage, in direct eyeline of the children performing

In fairness they had the sound down, both boys stayed in their seats all the way through the concert and apart from the occasional muffled gasp or cheer they were quiet. I also realise that expecting DC to behave themselves through an event like that is easier said than done, and don't necessarily judge the parents for using an iPad to keep them entertained. It's more the inconsideration of allowing them to distract the performers as well as the audience several rows behind them.

So AIBU and curmudgeonly or was this unnecessarily rude and thoughtless?

I don't think anyone is saying that disabled children should stay at home. Simply that a compromise should be worked out that ensures that all children are taken into consideration, including those performing on stage, many of whom may have their own issues and nerves.

To be honest bishop you are the person on this thread who sounds intolerant of the needs of anyone else, not to mention repeatedly and stubbornly misreading everyone else's posts.

Maybe I have been lucky, but all the school performances I have been at there have been no issues with the audience. Inevitably you get a few babies or toddlers suddenly calling or squealing, but it has always been fine. But then the school seemed to have most of its performances during the school day so only under fives and adults were there.

Of course it was inconsiderate and of course you are NBU.

Children who have a sn , who may flap there hands, or play on an iPad are not being a distraction - they are simply being.
How is it 2015 and people still don't know the difference?

Did you lot miss the post by MNHQ further up the thread?

Please do scroll up and have a read.

If someone had insisted that their SN children were 'entitled' to sit in the front row, using an ipad, waving their arms and totally throwing her off balance I would have been beyond furious at their selfishness and lack of awareness of the needs of other children on stage and the necessity to compromise.

What a delightful post

Would it really be that difficult for posters to say a "kid with SN" rather than "SN kid"?

Are people really saying that if someone behaves in anyway differently, they have to sit at the back?

What is suprising is that in these days of so called inclusion in schools, people think that children would be distracted by flapping etc.

Well you see..those people would object to inclusion too, I imagine.

Ballet, as I said earlier, we did discuss with the head teacher, which is why we sat at the front. Squeezing out of a row and carrying an upset ds down the steps to leave is far more distracting and annoying for the audience, than sitting in the front, and leaving quickly if necessary. Fortunately with the iPad, one of us doesn't have to keep taking him out. As I also said, the iPad is dimmed, he has head phones on, it is pretty minimal distraction. There were other children in the audience and babies, who made more noise than ds, and who are all welcome.

Yes there are nervous children, my dd1 is one of them! But the woman in charge of the musicians on stage had no issue at all with ds, and neither did the children performing.

As I also said up thread - at ds's school which is mainstream but with a very high level of children with special needs, all children's needs are taken in to account. To say that I believe my child's needs trump everyone else's is truly naive and insulting.

I have been to nativities, where I have spent most of the nativity outside with ds. We always try and work out ways that we can include ds, keep the girls happy and not spoil things for others, always. And we do this whenever we go anywhere. And still there are people who judge or stare. I carry a card explaining very briefly ds's condition, and that he may be upset by everyday things and to please be patient and kind, that I can hand to someone who decides to make a comment or stare with their mouths open.

Ds's iPad, is a saviour, it has calming games, distracting games, books and videos. Then I see a thread on here about how awful it is that children have iPads in restaurants, or at concerts and I think, well bloody hell, the thing that helps calm him down, and helps him access things he wouldn't be able to normally, is now a problem as well. And I just want to throw my hands up in the air and give up!

Ds has just been awarded an SB10 AAC device - this is a device like an iPad, with a screen and 1000s of images downloaded. it will be his voice, along with signing. He will have it with him wherever we go. I guess this is going to be an issue as well!

wow some not nice posts on here. makes me so glad dd went to an sn school.
isn't it odd that they used to do plays every year anddue to being and sn school lots of noise in audience(and cast) yet everyone always had a lovely time.

Hazey it makes me sad that you are made to feel you have to justify yourself to intolerant idiots.

Should she be expected to put up with distractions and lose her train of thought to facilitate two SN children who could easily have sat anywhere rather than the front row.

Another gem of a post.

Am not even going to address them as I'm sure the mean spiritedness speaks for itself.

its ok fanjo, mn hq have done a link to their TIMC campaign. all the bigots will have read it and changed their views..........not

Children with SN have just as much right to participate in an audience as anyone else. It's not selfishness to expect your child to have the same opportunities as everyone else's

Totally agree with this, but it's surely reasonable to expect that it doesn't have to be in the front row - I'm not specifying the back btw, and calling people idiots isn't helpful to the discussion either.

hazeyjane it seems that the layout of your hall is not typical - you say that by sitting at the front you could easily slip out. Usually the door is at the back, so surely people sitting at the back in order to easily slip out is actually the same thing as what you did??? Therefore I think that you need to snot take offence at this thread and have no need to keep explaining yourself - you managed to successfully let your little one join in by seeing his sister - she got to see her family all watching on - lovely!! You put a lot of thought into it and ensured that you were sitting in the most suitable location to leave quickly if needed. Of course you did nothing wrong!

I don't understand why threads like this always turn to SN. I actually blame those posters for how this thread has gone, it should never have been mentioned. There is no reason to assume it is in anyway relevant to the thread, what a shame that those posters couldn't let this thread run about how many children nowadays (NT!!!) cannot survive without technology. Many children with SN do not play with ipads (my 10 yr old dd has ASD and ADHD and isn't interested) and many NT children do play with them. My three year old continually asks to play on my phone when we are out with a group at the park etc because her peers keep coming over and doing it - in the park???? I personally have concerns about the use of technology, I work in healthcare and have been at meetings where the speech and language therapists plan strategies to overcome this problem in schools as they are finding communication skills so much poorer now and rightly or wrongly they are blaming tech. Once again to emphasise - I am talking about NT here, not debating the benefits of tech to children with SN.

Of course children with SN should be able to participate in as much of normal life as is possible. But do you really think these kids had SN? Who knows! But I can tell you for sure SN or not, they weren't participating in that audience and event. They might as well have been at home on their ipads if that is what they du lid for the whole performance.

Actually, nobody here knows whether the kids in the OP had SN. Not even the OP.

MissDuke, well said