To think this is rude at a concert

[TheRobbingBastards]

We went to DS's Summer concert last night. This is a big event for the music department and the children who perform.

My judgey pants were pulled well up at the couple who arrived with two younger DS's (about 7is) in tow, plonked themselves in the front row then fished an iPad in a luminous green case out of a bag. The two boys then spent the whole concert playing a game that involved much waving of arms. All the time they were sat in front of the stage, in direct eyeline of the children performing

In fairness they had the sound down, both boys stayed in their seats all the way through the concert and apart from the occasional muffled gasp or cheer they were quiet. I also realise that expecting DC to behave themselves through an event like that is easier said than done, and don't necessarily judge the parents for using an iPad to keep them entertained. It's more the inconsideration of allowing them to distract the performers as well as the audience several rows behind them.

So AIBU and curmudgeonly or was this unnecessarily rude and thoughtless?

PurpleHair - I don't know how severe your disability is, but everyone I know with my disability has had to stop doing some things. It is how life is with a more severe disability.
And actually people assume I am not disabled, but have a temporary severe illness.

I used to work with children with severe disabilities. And much as you might think adults don't understand, they tend to be way more accommodating of children than they are of adults.

Is there anybody actually arguing that people with bright iPads, volume on, should be sitting in the front row of an audience at a performance? Because all I see is people saying "that's not right" and then others saying "oh, so I shouldn't take my child with a muted, dimmed iPad anywhere?"

Ted the op was talking about dc with a muted iPad quietly playing on it.

Not exactly, Seven, OP said the DCs were waving their arms about in the eyeline of the performers.

When I was at school there were always a few people in the audience at performances who had SN and made noises or whatever. No-one would dream of thinking that rude. If someone in the audience flaps or stims or calls out or whatever because that's how they are, only an arsehole would resent that or try to shush it. But common courtesy says that everyone in the audience should be participating in the performance, whatever that means for them. Not being distracted by glowing devices that disturb others and take them and those around them out of what's happening.

I thought people were saying sit at the back if you need to use an IPad rather than sit at the back if you have SN.

I feel a bit shitty about the way the thread has turned out. I genuinely don't think the DC's in my OP had SN's (though I concede that's easy for me to say but hard to actually know) Therefore my AIBU was about the poor manners involved in their behaviour, from a NT point of view. I never intended to insinuate that all children with SN's should be kept at home or sat at the back because they are not "normal" :(

Sorry to anyone who was offended

Op, threads like this very often turn out like this. That isn't your fault though. I personally wasn't offended by yourself, it was some of the later posters that were offensive.

^^ in answer to hazey

People are saying exactly that. Where? I cannot see a single post that says that anyone should be kept "away from normal people".

Mythical - I'm afraid I can't see what you are responding to? I don't think I said the above.

Sorry, Hazey, I meant my previous post was in answer to you, not what followed. Other people had replied in between.

OP, fwiw if those kids were NT their parents were astonishingly rude to let them play on an iPad during a concert. IMO even if they were not NT it was rude; a child (or adult) with SN moving or making noises during a concert is not something anyone could object to without being an arsehole, hence there is no need to provide these individuals with a distraction.

Eh, Manatee?

So my letting ds have his ipad, with earphones and the brightness dimmed, in the front row, is rude?

Why?

No hazey, manatee is saying a child with sn does not need a distraction to keep them quite as any noise they would make is acceptable. She is saying anyone objecting to a child with an causing a distraction is an arsehole.

With sn not with an!

What does NT stand for?

The child or adult with sn may need the ipad or whatever to enable them to cope with being there, not to keep them quiet. My son has objects he likes to wave around that enable him to cope with being in a room full of people.

as lambsie says, ds doesn't have the ipad to keep him quiet. He wouldn't even stay without it, he doesn't understand that his sister is going to be playing in 2 songs time, or that he might enjoy the song coming up, he is scared by what is going to happen, so wants to leave, and gets upset. As soon as he sees his sister, or realises that he enjoys what is happening he is fine, and then those people leave, and he panics again, and wants to leave. The ipad stops this happening.

we don't go to the cinema, unless dh takes the girls and leaves us at home, we sometimes go to a theatre show done by a friend of mine, as he is really accomodating of ds. Otherewise we avoid things like this.

But last week, he got to see his sisters play Can You feel The Love Tonight on their recorders, and he loved it, and they were over the moon that he came and saw them, and i refuse to let this thread make me feel that some people would have had a problem with him being there in the front row with his ipad.

What does NT stand for?

Neurotypical.

So basically anyone who isn't on the autistic spectrum.

I have ASD and because of this am very sensitive to noise. So if a place is too noisy for me then yes, I will leave, regardless of what the noise is. I'd rather leave and risk pissing off or offending a few people (not that I like doing this either) than put myself through any more distress than needs be.

I would never ask anyone to leave or sit at the back or the side just for my sake though. Suggesting that people should sit at the back is just fucking disgusting .

That is interesting, Toads. I just googled neurotypical, because I didn't realise that it was specific to autism. My ds doesn't have autism, he has a genetic condition, which has some autistic features.

Thankyou for pointing me in the right direction, I will try and use it correctly in future!

Thanks Toads. I've never heard that terminology. In the case of DS2s Christmas show the noisy child was definitely NT. And not SN. He's just a very noisy child! Still is. To quote another mum whose DS is a friend of his the child in question likes the sound of his own voice! Hence if he were mine I'd have taken him out (as I always did with DD when she was noisy).

ballet it's not about trumping it's about equality. Children with SN have just as much right to participate in an audience as anyone else. It's not selfishness to expect your child to have the same opportunities as everyone else's.

It IS selfishness to expect parents of disabled children to stay home because their child would 'disturb' others. Others need to learn tolerance. Like you by the sound of it.