To think this is rude at a concert

[TheRobbingBastards]

We went to DS's Summer concert last night. This is a big event for the music department and the children who perform.

My judgey pants were pulled well up at the couple who arrived with two younger DS's (about 7is) in tow, plonked themselves in the front row then fished an iPad in a luminous green case out of a bag. The two boys then spent the whole concert playing a game that involved much waving of arms. All the time they were sat in front of the stage, in direct eyeline of the children performing

In fairness they had the sound down, both boys stayed in their seats all the way through the concert and apart from the occasional muffled gasp or cheer they were quiet. I also realise that expecting DC to behave themselves through an event like that is easier said than done, and don't necessarily judge the parents for using an iPad to keep them entertained. It's more the inconsideration of allowing them to distract the performers as well as the audience several rows behind them.

So AIBU and curmudgeonly or was this unnecessarily rude and thoughtless?

They have. Most posts have been reasoned but one or two have constantly and aggressively attacked any notion that there needs to be compromise between everyone involved in a situation and Samcro directly asked why children with SN should have to compromise, which is actually saying that their needs must always come first, regardless of context or situation.

Leaving the thread with a tip - as you know, being a parent of a child with special needs is exhausting enough - don't look for fights where there is no issue. I tried to point out the op of this thread was not about SN - it could have been an interesting discussion on the reliance of tech by children nowadays but instead anyone who tried to say this was told they are bashing children with SN. Even those of us who have children with SN

I do not, as a rule, frequent the SN board here anymore due to the aggressive nature of some posters - a couple of which are posting here. Might be useful to reflect on that when considering the issue of inclusion. For the first time in my life I have hit the report button on this thread, makes me sad that I was pushed to that - you would think parents of children with SN could fight together - not against each other.

Their right to attend is absolutely equal.

And to sit where they want.

Therefore if "compromise" means not making a noise people with SN who can't help but make noise will always have to give in and sit at back.

Which is why tolerance and inclusion will sadly mean some people will have to tolerate a bit of extra noise. As a compromise.

Bottom line.

Fanjo some posters have said that sometimes, bearing in mind the overall context, children who want to use ipads should sit in the back row at a concert.

You seem determined to make out that posters are on here saying that children with SN should always be hidden away at the back of the room simply because they have SN. No one has even implied such a thing.

Anyway if a thread has got to point where I am getting personally attacked and having to explain the concepts of tolerance and inclusion to people it is a bit beyond repair I feel.

Off to play with DD.

Whatever you say dear.

Morning all,

We've had many more reports about this thread, and what's coming up time and again is the insensitive language being used by some posters.

Can everyone please take on board that a child with special needs is just that – not a 'SN child'.

We'd be really grateful if everyone could take a look at this page from our This Is My Child Campaign, which explains why the language people use in everyday life is so important.

We'll be deleting any posts which we feel are disablist, and would ask everyone to please take care to be sensitive when posting.

Many thanks

My DD makes noise and flaps.

Since sitting in the front would make some people ..I quote "furious" and count as me not compromising and "thinning her needs trump others" this totally 100% means people here think we should sit at the back.

As it happens we would..but in a nicer world people would tolerate her sitting at front and accept her for who she is.

That is all I have to say on the matter.

Yes, flounce off when anyone tries to point out errors in your posts or doesn't debate exactly the way you want them to .

*Therefore if "compromise" means not making a noise people with SN who can't help but make noise will always have to give in and sit at back.

Which is why tolerance and inclusion will sadly mean some people will have to tolerate a bit of extra noise. As a compromise*

Where would my daughter with SN fit into this then? She cannot tolerate noise in a situation which should be quiet. She has to wear ear defenders in school and in assembly has been known to 'meltdown' when children with a bad cough sit near her. Where should she sit as she couldn't tolerate a child making a loud and unexpected noise sit near her during a concert? When we went to the cinema recently, we had to move as she could not tolerate the noise of someone behind munching popcorn - over the noise of the film. She did indeed compromise by moving - despite HER being the one with the SN...

Arse you seem to be ignoring that some people with kids with SN issues (including AS) who can and do perform in concerts like this have said that their kids would be completely thrown by someone sitting in the front row behaving as the OP described. To the point of perhaps not being able to participate at all. Why should those kids' rights be trampled on? Or does inclusion and the concept of 'rights' not apply to them? Are only confident unflappable kids to be allowed to perform, then? Rights are always accompanied by responsibilities. Of course nobody should be excluded but that means nobody should be excluded and everybody has to work around and compromise to achieve that. Everybody. Not just other people apart from you. In any concert most people won't be able to sit in the front row directly in the line of sight/distraction zone of the performers. Not sitting in the front row is not the same as being excluded. I never ever sit in the front row even when my DCs are performing because one of my DCs is a (very noticeable) jiggler (AS) and that would be distracting for the performers. It might also distract the people around us but, I'm less fussed about them. So I sit to the side, further back. My DC is not excluded, the performers aren't distracted, and nobody is either rude or prevented from participating.

Add message | Report | Message poster FanjoForTheMammaries Sat 20-Jun-15 10:08:04
Their right to attend is absolutely equal.

And to sit where they want.

Therefore if "compromise" means not making a noise people with SN who can't help but make noise will always have to give in and sit at back.

Which is why tolerance and inclusion will sadly mean some people will have to tolerate a bit of extra noise. As a compromise.

Bottom line."

^^this. I don't know why some people find it hard to understand. It's not complicated.

I resent the comments that DC with SN should even have been mentioned. How inclusive is that, that we can't even mention our DC who we are parenting just like everyone else. About as inclusive as the fact they are not welcome in group gatherings unless they are at the back, out of sight, not disturbing anyone...

Some of the comments on here are vile but sadly unsurprising.

Not flouncing off. Walking off to do more important stuff.

When people are starting to make it personal and bitchy towards me I can't be arsed to engage these days.

^ what was actually said was that the thread was not about SN, not that children with SN shouldn't be mentioned But best to twist it to make it offensive, isn't it.

Hazey At no point has anyone said that the needs of any child should be more important than another.

Yes, yes they have. Several people have said that. Because it's 'their right'. And apparently other kids with SNs (including my own) have no rights.

Hopefully the deletions for disablism will come soon

Then those of you deleted can look at yourselves and see that maybe their is something wrong with your attitude and it's not just us being on our high horses.

Adieu

"I don't understand why threads like this always turn to SN. I actually blame those posters for how this thread has gone, it should never have been mentioned"

A direct quote MissDuke. From yourself.

It seems that some people are determined to ignore the fact that consideration is a two-way street and that there are occasions when everyone has to compromise.

PurpleHairAndPearls I know my own opinions, thank you What I was saying (when not taken out of context) was that the thread was not ABOUT SN - it was about children in general using ipads. I was trying to point out that not all children who use ipads have SN. Therefore why was the thread twisted towards a view that anyone who dislikes this constant use of ipads in public as being intolerant of children with SN? I cannot think of any other way to word this so you can understand to be honest

I did not mean children with SN should not be discussed, I meant the central focus of the thread was not SN and that parents of children with SN should not be taking every comment and twisting it to be about THEIR child when it wasn't.

Is that any clearer?

Oh SoldierBear, I spend every day of my life compromising, every single day.

It would be nice if people realised that inclusion doesn't just necessarily mean equal, and just accepted and included us and our DC.

Some of the attitudes on here make me think it will never happen, sadly.

It's very clear to me what you meant MissDuke.

The bottom line is that everyone wants their children to be able to experience life to the full and have equality of opportunity to do so.
The greatest education MN has given me is awareness of the struggle many parents have to ensure that their children have that equality of experience.
Thank you to those posters - I object to people making attempts to silence them.

applauds purplehair

Those whose kids would be affected as performers - my kids and all others at their SS are supported 1:1 to enable them to cope in performances. Perhaps that's an option?

Yes, I do too, Purple. Being born with a disability and living with that for my entire life I am quite aware of the impact it can have on others and try to be considerate of that.
Which is why I feel it is important to say that consideration and compromise are important from everyone as a general rule to live by.