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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for your absolute wedding HATES?

280 replies

WeddingNoNos · 16/06/2015 23:12

I am just starting out planning a wedding and trying to navigate having the day we want without any guests coming on here to post about my cunty bridezilla nuptials.

There will be no wishing well and no twattish poetry. What else do I need to remember?

OP posts:
Original poster
WeddingNoNos · 17/06/2015 00:08

No dress code and no fancy dress, we'll be in white wedding dress and dark blue suits. Converse are a yes but only because I can't walk in heels thanks to stupidly unstable ankles and look shit in flats, and no diamantés haha!

Sit down meal for wedding "breakfast", no moustaches on sticks and no cosplay, just decorations etc that are very "us".

Ok, here's a biggie. Evening guests. There are people I want at the party who probably wouldn't come to the day anyway. Do I have all day guests and evening guests?

No gift list. If people want to get us gifts that's lovely of them, if not I'm just happy people want to spend a day with us.

We are TTC at the end of the year so god knows when this wedding will actually be. Do pregnant weddings work? Will it still look like a shotgun wedding even if it's DC2?

OP posts:
alseb · 17/06/2015 00:08

I hate sitting with strangers at weddings whilst friends sit 5 tables away. Let people who know each other and get on sit together.

CrystalHaze · 17/06/2015 00:09

Yeah, those little twerps. Make them wear stilettos like the bridesmaids? Wink

Just snorted tea down my nose, ta Grin

Original poster
WeddingNoNos · 17/06/2015 00:10

I will be sure to provide a quiet space for any foot lickers on the guest list if the theme gets too much for them.

OP posts:
Sandbrook · 17/06/2015 00:11

Probably goes without saying but thank you cards are a must so be prepared.

Also the stupid dances that bride and grooms do when announced into the reception room before dinner, drives me bonkers. Seems to now have extended to the 54 bridesmaids and groomsmen too now Hmm

honeysucklejasmine · 17/06/2015 00:21

I really really hate "silver service", especially when they put down a communal bowl of about four florets of broccoli and two pieces of carrot for ten people. Fuck off with the vegetable rationing!

spillyobeans · 17/06/2015 00:33

Only thing that would bother me as a guest is if there wasnt enough food! Anything else really is down to personal taste.

I know one thing that bothered my fil about a cousins wedding - they had a wedding present list that stated everything they wanted and it was all very expensive branded versions of everything (i.e: not just a dinner service/plates but had to be a denby set etc) and i think this was cousins 3rd marriage - dont know if that makes it better or worse!

ancientbuchanan · 17/06/2015 00:39

I loathe sit down efforts because you are stuck for hours with people. So either do a buffet, or make your seating plan make people move between courses, or something.

Crap sweet wine.

Not being clear on the invitation if the evening drinks are at a pay bar.

The ceremony bring miles from the reception and having to hang around somewhere with no where to sit and no sustenance for the photos.

V expensive wedding lists. Costs enough to get there. I much preferred people to be there rather than give me things. Quite a few said they could do one or the other. I wanted them ,not a piece of china. And I don't want to give money. Sorry. But being on a limited salary makes me feel mean when I can't give as much as I would like.

A colour scheme to which I gave to conform, eg blue. Sod it, I can't afford to buy new clothes.

But remember, every one will be rooting for you and it's your day. Enjoy.

CuttedUpPear · 17/06/2015 00:41

I normally hate weddings. But I went to one last week that was good.

The brilliant thing they did was to get everyone into the reception room straight after the ceremony, zoomed through the speeches in fifteen minutes, then the food was a hot self service buffet and NO SEATING PLAN.

Honestly it was great. I have major social anxiety and it was really nice to be able to move around and change seats to talk to people. The bride and groom ate at different table with several shifts of company so they got a chance to talk to the people who'd travelled a long way.

And there was plenty of free fizz.

momtothree · 17/06/2015 00:42

Have a glass jar full of AIBU questions .... keep the conversation lively ....

mamadoc · 17/06/2015 00:49

Evening guests- I'm not keen on it myself. I think it's a nicer atmosphere if everyone is there for the full day but I think it's ok if they are local and maybe a group who know each other eg work colleagues. I would not be arsed to travel and stay away for just an evening invite and it does not feel nice to wander in to a party where you don't know people which is already in full swing. Also (food again) you do need to feed your evening guests.

Being pregnant- not a problem for anyone else (except that your maiden aunty might be scandalised) but I don't think I would have enjoyed my wedding so much if heavily pregnant because of no booze, hard to get an outfit to fit and look good and just feeling tired and huge.

IrishDad79 · 17/06/2015 00:51

Absolutely despise weddings with a passion. Been to so many of them that I can't tell any of them apart. I find the father of the bride speeches the most excruciating.

mamadoc · 17/06/2015 00:52

No gift list- is completely fine but since some people expect it I would have some ideas to give out if requested even if it's suggesting a charity to donate to. Otherwise you must accept that you will get 5 toasters and some dodgy mugs.

Denimwithdenim00 · 17/06/2015 00:55

Our wedding was bloody ace in 1988. We planned it around our guests snd not around ourselves.

My parents were horrified that we didn't do a present list( so bloody rude) and yes I didn't obey and no didn't attend 'marriage classes' Grin

The speeches were short and funny and we had our main photos at the church and the reception (after food served and booze flowed)

It's the height of rudeness ro keep guests waiting to eat and drink while you pose and fuck around

My stbdil and ds are planning theirs and having a cheese themed wedding cake, a BBQ reception and am ice cream can booked.

Bloody ace. Her parents are horrified.

I love her.

tellmemore1982 · 17/06/2015 01:00

  1. several speeches all dedicated to thanking the same relatives three times over, who no one else in the room knows. Soapbox style profession of lifelong commitment to feminism, socialism, any ism... Not the time or place to convert people who don't have anywhere to run

  2. horrendous choreographed first dances. They are worse than not choreographing. Even my professional dancer friend didn't do this because it looks so wooden

  3. Long gaps between ceremony and meal

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 17/06/2015 01:02

Waiting too long for food. Food served at odd times. Insufficient food. Poorly/inefficiently served food (taking too long to get it out and keeping the very young or very pregnant waiting even longer than necessary).

Vulgar speeches. Long speeches. Speeches with too many "in" jokes. Speeches ...

To much travel between venues. Inaccessible venues.

mawbroon · 17/06/2015 01:32

I play in a band and have been to probably hundreds of receptions over the years.

When the buffet is served at 10pm, make sure there are cups of tea available! Cake with no tea is crap!

Eigg · 17/06/2015 01:40

Much can be forgiven if you keep everyone fed.

Let your bridesmaid wear something that suits them.

More people will dance if your seating is placed around your dance floor. If the seating is separate everyone will drink instead.

Casperthefriendlyspook · 17/06/2015 01:51

Don't have wedding and reception miles away without laying on transport. One wedding, in deepest darkest Norfolk with 16 miles to travel, no public transport. I'd flown (alone - as my partner of 8 years not invited as we're not married! Don't do that either!) so had to also hire a car. Supposedly my oldest friend. Bloody miserable wedding. Affected the friendship....

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 17/06/2015 02:10

I prefer seating plans to first come first served, especially if there are people who don't know many others

Don't leave people hanging around

Evening guests are fine (we had lots of team mates from DH's sports club for eg )

I loathe having to drive miles from wedding venue to reception - really breaks up the flow of the day

lightgreenglass · 17/06/2015 02:19

Evening/Day guests - I would invite them to the whole day but say if they want they can come in the evening if you have people who won't come in the day.

The bit between the ceremony and dinner where you have to make small talk for 3-4 hours and are allocated one drink and one canapé. I made this bit for my wedding 45 mins and the whole day was open bar. Those 45 mins were for family/couple photos.

Ooh another hate, people who don't smile in their wedding photos, it's supposed to be a happy occasion - you're not a model, nor are you too cool for school.

lightgreenglass · 17/06/2015 02:21

And seating plans - I had one so I understand the need but me and DH are the couple who will get on with anyone so we are literally put on 'crap' tables to get people to talk to each other.

lightgreenglass · 17/06/2015 02:23

I actually don't know when to stop - the speeches, just crap internet based speeches. I have been to some with lovely speeches so they can work well. I'll stop now.

YoungBritishPissArtist · 17/06/2015 04:13

Ideal wedding would be the actual ceremony taking place late afternoon/early evening, then reception straight after at the same location.

I hate weddings where everyone's invited to the ceremony and evening do but only a select few to the wedding breakfast.