To ask for your absolute wedding HATES?

[WeddingNoNos]

I am just starting out planning a wedding and trying to navigate having the day we want without any guests coming on here to post about my cunty bridezilla nuptials.

There will be no wishing well and no twattish poetry. What else do I need to remember?

[hackmum]

I just think, try and make it a nice day for your guests as well as yourself. So plenty of (good) food and drink, no hanging around for hours taking photos or waiting for the reception, don't make people drive miles from church/registry office to the hotel, and either let people sit where they want or make sure they are sitting with people they like. I have mentioned this on Mumsnet before but years ago, fairly recently divorced, I went to a wedding where the only people I knew where my best friend and her husband. Instead of being put on a table with them, I was put on a table with a load of other single people, none of whom I'd met before. It really did feel like we were pariahs.

[Madamecastafiore]

Just remember the only thing that matters is you and your husband to be and those vows. Everything else is window dressing.

First time round I had bells and whistles and it cost tens of thousands. Full posh cars, huge sit down meal etc. Lasted 18 months.

Second time around. Late in the day, relaxed registry office, just a party with buffet afterwards. Informal speeches in bar. Everyone said best wedding they ever been to. 10 years next year so it matters not a jot about the day.

Spend your money on something else which will benefit you going forward.

[worriedmum100]

I like weddings where the food is generous but simple and tasty. I went to a wedding last year where the food was big platters of cold cuts, good bread and antipasti type things to start followed by a huge board of roast beef sirloin (for guests to carve at the table, herby roast potatoes and green beans. Simple but plentiful and delicious. Much preferred this to "plated" more formal meal. They did pizza in the evenings cooked on proper pizza ovens scattered around the venue.

[WyldChyld]

Food. Went to one wedding where the best man bought a ton of booze so we were all drinking. Got married at 12. No food until 10pm which was the evening buffet because "we couldn't afford a wedding breakfast so we ordered canapés". Turned out they ordered canapés for the wedding party only... I was quite ill due to very cold day, no food (we'd set off at 9.30), alcohol and medication...

We actually asked for money because my family kept phoning and asking about a wedding list. We put a note in the invites saying no wedding list but we are buying our first house next year and any contributions to the " carpets and curtains fund " would be very gratefully received! No-one took offence and we wrote long thank you cards with details of our plans - and then threw a huge house warming fire everyone so they could see what we bought!

[blondegirl73]

We did our table plan according to how much people were likely to drink!

I hate information sheets/websites. Like the minute you become a wedding guest you're incapable of looking up google maps or finding a taxi. Some of my fave tips I've gleaned from them over the years are 'please bring a cardi as the British weather can be unpredictable' and 'taxis are available at the station'.

[goodnessgraciousgouda]

I think there are very few things that would qualify as a wedding "hate" on my part. Things I might find weird, might be really appropriate to the personalities of the bride and groom, and presumably if I'm going to their wedding, I do actually like them.

The only things that do irritate me are when the needs of the guests aren't thought of/ignored.

For example:

• Photographs do take quite a long time, and I wish we'd had more time for ours. BUT keep it to two hours MAX and make sure that the guests have access to plenty of nibbles/hor d'oeuvres, prosecco, soft drinks, etc. If you only have wine people will be hammered. If you only have food people will start getting bored.
  

• Make sure people know where they are going. If you are expecting people to get to a reception venue after a church, make sure they have had really clear directions in advance!
  

• Keep speeches to half an hour max. Seriously. If you have the traditional three speeches, that's ten mins each which is loads. If you add in more speakers, cut down each persons time accordingly, and make sure they know that you are serious about the cut off.
  

- If you're having a sit down dinner, try and work out a menu that the majority of people would like. Granted, chicken isn't the most exciting option in the world, but much more people will like it than say, venison. This isn't a major thing though.

[goodnessgraciousgouda]

blondegirl - considering the number of stations I've ended up at where there have been absolutely sod all taxi's, I tend to find the taxi info quite useful!!

[whois]

Like:
Lots of nice food
At least some free drinks if not free bar all evening
Wedding all in the same place, or easy to get between church and reception.
No funny timings i.e. Don't make me wait ages for food.
Don't make guest hang around church for ages for photos.
Good speeches.
Table plan considerably. No one is there to make new friends but to catch up with old friends.
Decent band then DJ.
Second round of food at the party, or even cheese bread and biscuits. People need another little bite to eat if there has been drinking.
Love weddings where the same guests are there all the way through. Having a second tier of evening guests sometimes doesn't help the atmosphere.

Don't like weekday weddings!!! You might have saved a couple of £k but you have just transferred that cost in terms of annual leave and lost pay onto your guests. Mega inconsiderate.

Don't particularly like weddings abroad (unless its your home country or something). If you live in london, all your friends live in london, your family live near to london why oh why do my friends keep insisting on getting married abroad?!? Grrrrr! Personally I think it's a bit selfish and a huge obligation to place on your guests to take time off work and pay for flights and accommodation.

Same with hen do, what's wrong with a fun activity followed by a nice meal and a party. No need to go to Dublin or whatever.

[whois]

Oh, I also don't like weddings where you are expecting your friends to do lots of work to make it happen.

It's your wedding, and your friends are there to see you and celebrate with you. Not to be 'on duty'.

[whois]

Oh I'm v pro a seating plan! Otherwise each little group hands to an empty table. Then there are only 2 or 3 spaces on each table and families etc get split up.

Also it's v undignified to have a scramble to the tables and bagsy them!

I've never been to a wedding without a seating plan. Oh, except one very informal one where we were eating on picnic blankets in a garden. Note, if you're doing that you HAVE to provide chairs for old people!

[AgathaChristie01]

What else do I need to remember?

I think all bases are probably covered by now, but, IMO, the main thing to remember is what the day is about, getting married to the one you love, and with all of your nearest and dearest around you.
So, if the doves bearing the rings don't fly at the exact same height, on the day, don't sweat it.

Just kidding OP, you sound very calm and non-bridezilla. Hope you have a great time, enjoying the planning, and have a brilliant day.

[whois]

Oh oh on those photo booths where there are various props and a flattering light are SO MUCH FUN! Love it when they are at weddings.

[ImGoingForATwix]

I think a poster further up hit the nail on the head, whatever you do, there will be someone who doesn't like it. Do what you want, but keep your guests fed and watered (wined!). I always think of weddings as very family affairs and couldn't imagine one without any kids there, I know others feel the opposite way though. You really can't please everyone. Especially when it comes to the guest list...

[MiddleAgedandConfused]

Always offer your singleton friends a plus one. Going to a wedding where you only know the bride and groom and don't have a plus one is miserable. You might get chatting to people at the evening do, but by then you will have spent hours hanging round by yourself feeling really down .

[CatOfTheGreenGlades]

Not read whole thread but

Long boring speeches where an endless parade of rellies to bore on for half an hour. You think you've sat through them all, but no, now it's time for Uncle Bert's stepdaughter's cat to make yet another identikit speech.

Handshaking lines - please no, so awkward and tiresome.

Being sat with strangers at your table when you have perfectly good friends who you'd like to talk to. Why mix us all up? Put me with my mates.

No-child weddings - yes it's your choice but they are a bit joyless to me. But hey ho I probably can't come anyway!

Badly organised catering where seems to take 2 hours to bring the first course out. And why is my table always the last? It's better to have a buffet than really slow posh catering.

Endless photo sessions, especially when you're not part of the main wedding party but are still required to wait for 3 hours because at some point you will be required for "bride and her mates all leaping in the air with happy grins". Just have an informal photographer taking pics of the day and ask people to send you their best cameraphone shots, they'll be just as good. DP took an amazing pic at a friend's recent wedding, which they loved, and he's not a photographer at all.

Vicars who use the opportunity to guilt non-christians who have made a rare visit to church. Well of course we have it's a friend's wedding. I do not want fire and brimstone thanks.

Having said all this I actually love weddings! What I love - nice food, short speeches, lots of music and dancing (live band is great, also cheesy nostalgic hits), informality, fun extras - one couple we know had a table of amazing mini cakes and pastries with tea, as a mid-afternoon snack after the ceremony as there was a wait before the meal. I like it when it is obviously the bride and groom's own do and they and their friends get to have fun. I like it less when the parents and rellies take over and it's all very stuffy and dull and there are 50 long-lost great aunts and cousins who nobody knows (not even the B&G).

[WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes]

I'm very happy to receive gift lists/requests for money, even in the invitation, and I don't mind poems either.

I also don't mind pay bars or being an evening only guest.

Loud discos or bands (including ceilidh etc) with nowhere quiet enough to sit and chat instead really are the one thing that can ruin a wedding for me. Even worse are DJs / band leaders / members of the bridal party trying to persuade reluctant dancers onto the floor.

[Hidingmyidentity]

My absolute hate at weddings are having more than one best man. One is fine, 2 is one too many & 3 is ridiculous.

[SkippyTheBushKangeroo]

I dislike

-loud music in the evening so no one can chat.

-the corny grand entrance that couple make into the reception where a guy from the hotel say 'please be upstanding for....' So cheesy and who uses words like 'upstanding'

-long all day weddings. I like weddings that start at, say 4, then food at 6 and party straight afterwords. The long ones where you stand around for ages are painful

-wedding tat, over the top or twee wedding paraphernalia - eg huge 'original' centre pieces, ribbons everywhere, butterflies in boxes,

Things that are OK

• I dint have a gift list bug I think they are ok and I think it's ok to ask for cash preferably for something
  

• speeches as long as they are very very short.

[5madthings]

I got married last month. Low key registry office at 11;15am then pizza express for lunch after. Loads of kids as we have five and all our friends have kids so I made party bags for all the kids, bubbles, sweets, crayons and I made an activity booklet, Google wedding activity booklets. Easy to do. A maze with a pic of me at the start and dp at the end, help bride find the groom, a pic of a plain wedding cake to decorate/colour, ditto bride and groom outfits to design and a bunch of colouring pages and a word search etc. Kids and adults lobed it. Very cheap and easy to do.

We had no seating arrangements just three long tables and everyone sat wherever. Photos didn't take too long. Ditto speeches/toast.

Have fun, you don't want to be stressing on the day.

My dd did wear frilly white ankle socks Btw and looked gorgeous.

[19lottie82]

Poem on the invite asking for cash. CRINGE.

[CMOTDibbler]

I forgot - if you have elderly/frail/not able to stand for very long guests, and you are having photos outside, then make sure there are plenty of seats in that area, really close so that people aren't trailing back and forth.
My brothers wedding was a nightmare for this as they had photos on a large lawn, no seats outside, so everytime they wanted my parents I had to get mum out of her chair, then dh and I had to walk them both very slowly across the lawn, then back, going through the same explanation for mum each time.
You could also be thoughtful about the photo order and start with the pics with most people in, then those with the frailest/least attention span people in etc so that then they (or those looking after them) can relax.

[DrDre]

Pretty much constant food and drink is the key. Remember to provide decent non alcoholic drinks including coffee and tea - otherwise people will be wasted.
I don't mind giving the bride and groom money (towards their honeymoon for example). I don't find it offensive at all and I'd much rather do that than have to think about choosing a present from a list. But a lot of people think it is rude.
Make sure the best man's speech is appropriate - no vulgar jokes.
And as has already been said, the important thing is the marriage, not the wedding!

[NotDavidTennant]

IME, the best weddings are ones where the bride and groom have put thought into the comfort and enjoyment of their guests.

The worst weddings are the ones where the bride and groom treat their guests like film extras to be wheeled in and out of proceedings when it suits them, and ignored the rest of the time.

And on a similar note, when I got married I made an effort to make sure I sat and chatted with everyone for a little while, as I've been to weddings as a guest were I've barely had an acknowledgement from the bride and groom and it doesn't half make you feel like a spare part.

[PanGalaticGargleBlaster]

Picking venues that have very little hotel/B&B accommodation nearby

Best Men trying to wing their speeches thinking they have the gift of the gab when they clearly don't

Crappy poems asking for money

Evening only invites when the couple know you have to trek three hours across the country and fork out for accommodation....and they still expect a present from the gift list.

Favours......most of which end up being left behind.

Moss Bros generic wedding suits with swirly/wacky waistcoats.

Chinese lantern / balloon / doves releases

Shit DJs

Shit food

Non-religious people getting married in a church ?because it looks naice?

Chair covers

Overly choreographed first dances

Tiaras?really?

Venues where the table next to you have finished their desert and you are still waiting for your starters

No seating plans

Pink

Chocolate fountains

Toastmasters

Bagpipes

Bird cages

Guest books/finger print trees/wish trees etc

Back fat hanging over the brides dress

Bridesmaid dresses that aren't floor length.

Horse drawn carriages.

Garters

Animals

Grooms football team being worked into speeches.

White suits

Noisy children during the service... and the parents not having the good grace to remove them

Most other guests

[5madthings]

Yes yes to what cmot said re guests and photos, and what notdavid said re chatting to guests, I made sure to go round abd talk to everyone.