To ask for your absolute wedding HATES?

[WeddingNoNos]

I am just starting out planning a wedding and trying to navigate having the day we want without any guests coming on here to post about my cunty bridezilla nuptials.

There will be no wishing well and no twattish poetry. What else do I need to remember?

[MrsHathaway]

Its funny but I get a lot of from people when I tell them we are going to venue in own car and not having disco. Just ceremony and food and done.

I've been to a wedding like that and it was lovely BUT they hadn't said in advance that it was finishing at 6pm so it sort of petered out. It sounds like you are being very explicit so there should be no disappointment or confusion. For me (usually sober) weddings get a bit boring after 7pm anyway so you've kept the best bits!

OP there seems to be a consensus on the thread that guests want to be kept fed and watered, they like to be at a comfortable temperature, and they like plenty of seats. All the rest is a matter of taste.

[WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes]

Agree totally Notapkasticgnome, one of the best things about a wedding is catching up with people you don't see very often, you can't do that perched on a row of chairs around a noisy dancefloor.

[katienana]

Don't have speeches before the meal, tbey are much better when everyone has had a few drinks and not hungry.

[FunkyPeacock]

I love a good wedding!

The only thing as a guest which would annoy me is lack of food or being made to wait hours & hours at the reception for food while photos are being taken

A few canapes go a long way:-)

[notaplasticgnome]

I think a vast improvement to most weddings would be some separation of the dance floor from the seating area. A lot of guests just don't enjoy getting up to dance and the usual set up just means they end up sitting around, unable to talk over the ridiculously loud music and being made to feel like party poopers.

I am very happy sitting around chatting at a wedding. As a crap and very self conscious dancer I am not happy shuffling around to 'Its Murder on the dancefloor' or having to smilingly resist persistent attempts by annoying guests to drag me up to dance.

So slightly separate dance floor, music at a reasonable level, and guests who just feck off and stop trying to force everyone up to dance would be my top tips.

[lydiarobinson]

Robin the fact that you're not having a disco would excuse a dozen wishing trees. Your wedding sounds exactly like one I would enjoy.

[qumquat]

Being starved. Or at least if the meal isn't going to be till 5, tell us in advance so we can bring provisions. My FIL's wedding started at 10.30, I was hopefully (desperately) waiting for the meal from 1, hovering around the one bowl of peanuts. It turned out the meal was scheduled for 5. The bride and groom had brought a packed lunch...

[Yarp]

... yes and too much expense for guests

[Yarp]

OP

I would say - don't listen to ideas about what is naff or not. You can't win there and it is your wedding

Just think about what will be an inconvenience (nay torture..) - like not enough seats, too much waiting around, bad food, not set up for bad weather

[robinlovesfatman]

Wishing tree?! Whats wrong with a wishing tree?!

I will have one at fish and chip wedding. Will it stand bare?

Its funny but I get a lot of from people when I tell them we are going to venue in own car and not having disc. Just ceremony and food and done. Money we have saved on car, band, etc will be going on free bar.

[NameChange30]

OP the vows are for you and your fiancé, don't worry about what other people think.

Honestly the vows don't affect the guests at all. Some people are giving helpful advice (eg about making sure guests have enough food) and others are just bitching about the details. So maybe take those comments with a pinch of salt.

[WeddingNoNos]

We are planning on writing our own vows

[HoneywithLemon]

Not enough food.

Last wedding we went to (cash only, no presents, no kids - but I'll let all of that go), one small plate of cured meats, bit of cheese, olives and one bed roll. And a cupcake. 150 guests, all seated, with a seating plan served what basically amounted to a couple of slices of ham.

Six hours later when another 150 arrived for the evening, we got a burger a piece.

[NameChange30]

Cumber I disagree. I think personal vows can be lovely as long as they're concise and not too cheesy.

[CumberCookie]

Own written vows are excruciating.

[lydiarobinson]

I think any wedding that is planned on the premise that 'it's our day and we're the only people that count is usually a poor experience for most of the guests. It's an increasingly common approach in an age where the 'wedding' is sometimes seen as more important than the 'marriage', leading to self indulgent and very selfish behaviour by some brides and grooms.

Guests are just seen as an accessory or a passive audience who should deem themselves very lucky to have been invited to the 'big day' and should be prepared to jump through hoops to make the bride feel incredibly special and important. This includes expensive hen parties, weddings that go on for days in inconvenient locations and brash demands for cash towards exotic honeymoons. Guests who cannot afford the huge expense that comes with attending such weddings are made to feel guilty and selfish. Guests who do attend are expected to be happy to be pulled and pushed around like extras on a stage, while the bride and groom suit themselves and their immediate family.

Obviously not all modern weddings are like this, or even the majority I hope, but they are becoming depressingly more prevalent.

[BikeRunSki]

Feed your evening guests. We once went to a wedding, where the ceremony was late morning and reception was in the evening. The reason for the gap was the bride's ill health and her need to sleep/take it easy, fair enough. The bride and groom's family had lunch at the hotel where everything was happening. Guests all went away at noon, came back at 7. We were not offered a drop to drink or a bite to eat. At 9 pm there was a mass exodus to pub and chippy, where we stayed. Wedding party couldn't work out where we'd gone and reception came to a grinding halt.

[kittykarate]

No seating plans receptions only work if you have a large excess of seats as diners are not like tetris pieces and you can end up with lots of odd free seats and family groups split up.

[ByeFelicia]

The releasing of the fucking doves. Don't do that -corny shit-

[lydiarobinson]

The weddings that stand out for me are the ones that are kept reasonably simple. Stuff like fancy chair covers, sweet stalls, dancing displays etc don't really add much to my experience. A relaxed atmosphere in a relaxed environment without too much faff and extravagance and keeping up with the Joneses is much nicer and more memorable.

And I totally agree re the interminable photo shoots while the guests hang around bored and hungry. And the loud music and night club atmosphere once the meal is over.

[balletnotlacrosse]

I agree with the above. Either have an early wedding with champagne, lunch and an early finish or a wedding that finishes late but doesn't start until early/mid afternoon. Trying to have both just leads to an overly long day which might fly for the bride and groom but can really drag for guests.

[Pinkpanthershow]

If possible, have the wedding on a Saturday. It is just easier for most people.
Also, don't make it a long long day. I have found that weddings seem to be starting earlier and earlier, withe guests expected to arrive at 11am and then last the whole day until midnight. It is a long day, and not helped by starting drinking champagne at 11.30 in the morning. Also, it tends to lead to a bit of a lull at around 5pm, and if you are not staying at the venue, it can all get a bit tedious. I think a 2pm start is much more pleasant for all concerned, and you can at least have some lunch before you go.

[Binkybix]

I love a child free wedding!!

[knowsaymuhfuh]

All of it except the vows is complete nauseating tedious bollocks.

[balletnotlacrosse]

Also, if you're having a wedding the weekend before Christmas, accept that a lot of guests will just have too much going on to be able to attend.