To ask for your absolute wedding HATES?

[WeddingNoNos]

I am just starting out planning a wedding and trying to navigate having the day we want without any guests coming on here to post about my cunty bridezilla nuptials.

There will be no wishing well and no twattish poetry. What else do I need to remember?

[PolyesterBride]

Don't have your wedding on a Sunday unless your guests are local. At my brother's wedding, 90% of the guests had to travel 200 miles from one city to another for a late morning Sunday wedding, meaning two nights in a hotel and a day off work on the Monday. Just so the couple could save money on the venue. So inconsiderate!

[PolyesterBride]

Don't seat single people with other singles they don't know, or at least not only those, or next to children, especially if they don't have kids themselves! I absolutely hated being put on the kids table but could have survived being with couples if they were my friends.

[swimmerforlife]

I think setting plans are brilliant, we seated all our friends at the same table so nobody got left out and all got to chat / catch up, instead of a mad scramble to the tables like getting on a Ryanair flight.

Also I have a difficult family with various family members who do do not get on with one another, putting Uncle Bill at the end of the room from Uncle John saved a lot of family dramas, fights etc and hassle for me.

Evening guests are fine (we had them) but just treat them with respect, make sure speeches are not going to go hours overtime, which means they either have to wait in the hotel bar paying £7 for a beer or outside in the freezing cold whilst Aunty Joan babbles on about the Groom's childhood.

If it is a religious ceremony, don't have the most unknown hymns you can possibly find. There is nothing worse than the awkward silence apart from a bit of mumbling.

Don't go OTT with the evening buffet like 10 000 cucumber sandwiches, most people will be full or too pissed to care by them. Just some crackers, crisps etc will suffice.

[balletnotlacrosse]

If you're having a buffet do it properly. A lot of them end up feeling like the self service restaurant in Debenhams.

[balletnotlacrosse]

Also, if you're having a wedding the weekend before Christmas, accept that a lot of guests will just have too much going on to be able to attend.

[knowsaymuhfuh]

All of it except the vows is complete nauseating tedious bollocks.

[Binkybix]

I love a child free wedding!!

[Pinkpanthershow]

If possible, have the wedding on a Saturday. It is just easier for most people.
Also, don't make it a long long day. I have found that weddings seem to be starting earlier and earlier, withe guests expected to arrive at 11am and then last the whole day until midnight. It is a long day, and not helped by starting drinking champagne at 11.30 in the morning. Also, it tends to lead to a bit of a lull at around 5pm, and if you are not staying at the venue, it can all get a bit tedious. I think a 2pm start is much more pleasant for all concerned, and you can at least have some lunch before you go.

[balletnotlacrosse]

I agree with the above. Either have an early wedding with champagne, lunch and an early finish or a wedding that finishes late but doesn't start until early/mid afternoon. Trying to have both just leads to an overly long day which might fly for the bride and groom but can really drag for guests.

[lydiarobinson]

The weddings that stand out for me are the ones that are kept reasonably simple. Stuff like fancy chair covers, sweet stalls, dancing displays etc don't really add much to my experience. A relaxed atmosphere in a relaxed environment without too much faff and extravagance and keeping up with the Joneses is much nicer and more memorable.

And I totally agree re the interminable photo shoots while the guests hang around bored and hungry. And the loud music and night club atmosphere once the meal is over.

[ByeFelicia]

The releasing of the fucking doves. Don't do that -corny shit-

[kittykarate]

No seating plans receptions only work if you have a large excess of seats as diners are not like tetris pieces and you can end up with lots of odd free seats and family groups split up.

[BikeRunSki]

Feed your evening guests. We once went to a wedding, where the ceremony was late morning and reception was in the evening. The reason for the gap was the bride's ill health and her need to sleep/take it easy, fair enough. The bride and groom's family had lunch at the hotel where everything was happening. Guests all went away at noon, came back at 7. We were not offered a drop to drink or a bite to eat. At 9 pm there was a mass exodus to pub and chippy, where we stayed. Wedding party couldn't work out where we'd gone and reception came to a grinding halt.

[lydiarobinson]

I think any wedding that is planned on the premise that 'it's our day and we're the only people that count is usually a poor experience for most of the guests. It's an increasingly common approach in an age where the 'wedding' is sometimes seen as more important than the 'marriage', leading to self indulgent and very selfish behaviour by some brides and grooms.

Guests are just seen as an accessory or a passive audience who should deem themselves very lucky to have been invited to the 'big day' and should be prepared to jump through hoops to make the bride feel incredibly special and important. This includes expensive hen parties, weddings that go on for days in inconvenient locations and brash demands for cash towards exotic honeymoons. Guests who cannot afford the huge expense that comes with attending such weddings are made to feel guilty and selfish. Guests who do attend are expected to be happy to be pulled and pushed around like extras on a stage, while the bride and groom suit themselves and their immediate family.

Obviously not all modern weddings are like this, or even the majority I hope, but they are becoming depressingly more prevalent.

[CumberCookie]

Own written vows are excruciating.

[NameChange30]

Cumber I disagree. I think personal vows can be lovely as long as they're concise and not too cheesy.

[HoneywithLemon]

Not enough food.

Last wedding we went to (cash only, no presents, no kids - but I'll let all of that go), one small plate of cured meats, bit of cheese, olives and one bed roll. And a cupcake. 150 guests, all seated, with a seating plan served what basically amounted to a couple of slices of ham.

Six hours later when another 150 arrived for the evening, we got a burger a piece.

[WeddingNoNos]

We are planning on writing our own vows

[NameChange30]

OP the vows are for you and your fiancé, don't worry about what other people think.

Honestly the vows don't affect the guests at all. Some people are giving helpful advice (eg about making sure guests have enough food) and others are just bitching about the details. So maybe take those comments with a pinch of salt.

[robinlovesfatman]

Wishing tree?! Whats wrong with a wishing tree?!

I will have one at fish and chip wedding. Will it stand bare?

Its funny but I get a lot of from people when I tell them we are going to venue in own car and not having disc. Just ceremony and food and done. Money we have saved on car, band, etc will be going on free bar.

[Yarp]

OP

I would say - don't listen to ideas about what is naff or not. You can't win there and it is your wedding

Just think about what will be an inconvenience (nay torture..) - like not enough seats, too much waiting around, bad food, not set up for bad weather

[Yarp]

... yes and too much expense for guests

[qumquat]

Being starved. Or at least if the meal isn't going to be till 5, tell us in advance so we can bring provisions. My FIL's wedding started at 10.30, I was hopefully (desperately) waiting for the meal from 1, hovering around the one bowl of peanuts. It turned out the meal was scheduled for 5. The bride and groom had brought a packed lunch...

[lydiarobinson]

Robin the fact that you're not having a disco would excuse a dozen wishing trees. Your wedding sounds exactly like one I would enjoy.