To ask for your absolute wedding HATES?

[WeddingNoNos]

I am just starting out planning a wedding and trying to navigate having the day we want without any guests coming on here to post about my cunty bridezilla nuptials.

There will be no wishing well and no twattish poetry. What else do I need to remember?

I see there are a number of pro-seating plan people, so, genuine question as I have always wondered, what are the arguments in favour? Is it just to make sure if you have people who don't know anyone else, that you sit them with someone you think will talk to them (not that this isn't important - I can see why people would do that).
Are there other reasons? Would like to feel I've suffered through so many for a good cause!

It will all hopefully be in one place and very local to the evening guests, if anyone has to travel out of the area they'll be full day guests.

Money permitting it will be open bar.

Whew .Not breaking nearly as many rules as I thought I would !

I think a paid bar is a no no. Also, favours are annoying.

I like the idea of a seating plan personally because I'll have several families coming and I hate the idea that they'll have to split up because under first come, first served, there's not enough space at a single table for them to sit together.

But after reading this thread I may go for a free for all with the exception of the "top table" and the tables where best man and bridesmaid will be sitting.

Lovely yes it's so that people who don't know many people don't get excluded.

Also so that you don't get lots of groups of seven quickly hogging tables of eight and then excluding those who weren't quick enough and who would have quite liked to sit with their spouse.

It's easier for the caterers especially if there's a choice of menu or special diets. Serving staff can have a "map". Much smoother service not interrupted by "chicken or mushroom?"

The best weddings I have been to have been small low budget affairs, that may say more about me than any one else though.

At one wedding of a friend she assigned 'jobs' to people, all done very informally before the day, so my 'job' was to ensure the mother of the groom had someone to talk to ie me, and someone to make sure she had a drink, got some food - again me.

It actually worked really well, there was no standing around for hours waiting for photos because I was making sure my friend's future MIL was OK.

Agree with having cups of tea with the buffet and if possible a quieter room where older guests (or ones who want a break) can get away from the music.

Ok, here's a biggie. Evening guests. There are people I want at the party who probably wouldn't come to the day anyway. Do I have all day guests and evening guests?

I think that depends on budget and who is on the 'evening only' list. To me evening only guests are work colleagues not friends and family, or possibly teenagers who can turn up with a couple of friends having not sat through the speeches.

When a friend got married she was still at uni, so a couple of us who are closer went to the full things but her entire cohort were invited tot he evening do - they borrowed the NUS mini bus!

Remember you do not have to have anything other than the vows and 2 witnesses.

If you don't want speeches then don't have them, ditto first dance, children, etc.

Mild autistic tendencies here - the lack of a seating plan may well be a step too far for me. Not sure I'd cope - stress levels would be high enough anyway.

1. Too big a gap between wedding and food.
2. Too many venues, too far away - and no nearby hotels. (E.g. wedding, then drive to reception venue, then not enough time to get to hotel, then evening do somewhere else, then another long drive back to hotel).
3. Themes that guests are expected to participate in.

Photographers piss me off at weddings. One I went to recently the professional photographer there was a total bitch who ruined the morning of the wedding with shouting, bossing about, her attitude was awful. Just yuck. I know they are being paid £1000 to get the pictures so some order is required. But her attitude was dreadful. I could tell lots of people were annoyed.

I like a seating plan, no undignified scrambke for places that way.

Discos are my pet hate, if you must have one please make sure there's a quiet seating area away from the dance floor, otherwise your non-dancing guests may all clear off at about 8pm. I hate first dances too, cringey.

I had lots of kids at my wedding, as I think if your friends and family have kids they should be invited. You after all creating a family (be it one with kids of your own in the future or not) so I think of weddings as celebration of family.

I put all the kids over four/five on one table, and little ones next to parents.
I served all the nice healthy nibbles you'd see at a nice middle class kids party (fruit skewers, little sausages, healthy cordial etc etc) but also got take out pizza (sliced but still hot in the boxes) and mini cans of coke.
A party entertainer made balloon swords and painted on moustaches and they ran riot.... In the furthest reaches of the large church venue, whilst the adults enjoyed a rather more grown up and refined meal, speeches etc.

Rave reviews.

big gaps - hate hanging around, specially if the bar isnt open and no where to sit
long readings at the service
long speechs
lack of food
venue in the middle of nowhere

oh not a hate but i dont mind a paid bar as long as the prices arent too expensive

Don't have it on a weekday. Provide transport between ceremony and reception for non car drivers of it's rural.

One thing on the food front - if you are relying on canapes to fill in a food gap, then make sure that anyone with food allergies/requirements can actually eat enough of them to cope. I've often seen one, or no, things out of a whole selection that is safe for me.

And if you are doing arrival drinks/wine on tables, please can non drinkers have something more exciting than orange squash? I don't even mind fizzy water, but arriving when other people are having bucks fizz/ pimms and I get the same as the kids is a bit dispiriting, and I don't want to have to keep going to the bar during the meal (if its even open).

Whatever you do, make sure you chose a venue big enough to invite your friends and their other halves! My friend is planning her wedding and not inviting OHs, the venue is small....now I wouldn't expect a plus one if you're single personally never bothered me when I was but I'm a bit miffed that my DH of 7 years hasn't been invited. They know each other well. She's had people offer to pay for their OHs but the issue is space not cost. So many pissed off guests!

A word of warning vis-a-vis no seating plan.
My sister had some people turn up to her wedding who had not been invited. Not really a problem in the church service, but they just assumed they could come to the sit down meal as well as it was in a large room on the same site. There was no seating plan so they just sat down.
Cue my sister asking several people she knew she had invited why they were leaving. There wasn't any room for them to sit down. It left a sour taste in an otherwise lovely day, especially as the uninvited interlopers had three children with them. My sister had asked for no children at the reception and several couples were annoyed as they'd paid for childcare specifically.
It ended up with my Mum having a polite word with the interlopers. They still didn't leave though, and were later heard to be asking for directions to the hall where the evening disco was happening.
Had there been a seating plan I think it would have been blood obvious they weren't invited and we'd have been able to say "You're in so-and-so's seat" straight away.

My advice, like the others is don't stint on the food. Plenty of it, don't make anyone wait. Make sure there are good options for vegetarians and a good selection of gluten free food. If guests are well fed they'll enjoy the day a lot more.

Yes, I hate the long gaps between the actual ceremony and the sit down meal. At the last wedding I went to there were several child guests crying with hunger, and to be honest I felt like doing the same! I was fucking starving!

I can't understand why so many couples allow their guests to go hungry and drink on empty stomachs? That's why so many people get pissed and make twats of themslevs at weddings IMO.

No grown up soft drinks. I went to one wedding where if you weren't drinking booze you could have orange squash. I had to beg for a glass of water!

The silver service of the meal. Why? You get to look at an empty plate for a blue age then people come and put random bits of food on it. By the time your meal is complete some of it is cold and someone on your table has had a waiter spill something on their leg. Much more sensible to plate up in the kitchen.

The thing I hate most of all though is when the wedding is very obviously all about the parents and not the B&G. It makes me so sad when you can see all the influence of (usually) the MOB and the B&G could be anyone hired in as bit players in the MOB's day.

Don't like being bored, hungry, thirsty, cold or separated from everyone I know. Much the same as real life. If you're considerate and not controlling it'll be great. I think you'll have a lovely wedding. Absolutely fine to have it suit you, go with your geeky theme as long as you're not forcing guests to be uncomfortable.

A table plan that seats me with people I dont know. "Here, make some new friends"- I dont want to thanks, I want a nice comfy dinner with people I already know and dont get enough time to catch up with.

No table plan at all - families of three or four coming in when the room is mosty seated and having to ask people to swap seats so they can sit next to their own child. Nope.

Was just coming on to mention the magical mystery tour between ceremony and reception venues. But see you're sensible enough to have it all in one place.

I'm pro seating plan. That way you can ensure everyone is sitting with at least a few people they know / are likely to get on with, rather than risk the last lot of people to sit ending up having to fill in spare ones and twos of seats wherever they can find them, potentially not with anyone they know at all.

I do not mind at all being asked to give cash / contributions to honeymoon.

I am pretty easy really when it comes to weddings really...I haven't been to many bad ones, and the ones I've enjoyed less have just been where I didn't know many people.

The biggest turn off for me is having to pay for own drinks, especially market prices. But even this I don't mind really as long as I'm warned in advance so that I can bring cash. Arriving at a wedding to find it is a cash bar, won't accept cards without ridiculously high minimum payment, and there is no cash point in the vicinity is REALLY annoying.

When people have 4 or 5 bridesmaids , why..?? Just have 2

Gift lists or asking for money - so tacky

Going to show you can't please everyone I loathe being on a table with people I know well. I'll spend the rest of the day/evening chatting to them so don't want to be sandwiched between two cousins/colleagues etc during the meal and like sitting with strangers. It shows though if this is done thoughtfully or randomly, in that it shows when you have thought that people who have similar outlooks/interests might get on.

Rationed wine - just plonk the bottles on the table and let people get on with it.

I hate receiving a gift list with the invitation, very old-fashioned of me I know.