To ask for your absolute wedding HATES?

[WeddingNoNos]

I am just starting out planning a wedding and trying to navigate having the day we want without any guests coming on here to post about my cunty bridezilla nuptials.

There will be no wishing well and no twattish poetry. What else do I need to remember?

[MrsHathaway]

Ooh I like a theme so long as it's entered into wholeheartedly.

Themes are only awful if they're a bit feeble - so a few decorations to match the invitations and the best man in a costume but otherwise you would have no idea.

Full on cosplay and entertainers, themed menu, GET IN.

[Getthewonderwebout]

Have what you want. Cunty guests will moan no matter what you do so you may as well have the day you want.

Sweet carts are so cringey, as are letterboxes, wish trees, and those battery operated tea light in jars. yes, I have recently been to a "vintage" style wedding

[WeddingNoNos]

Hate being in photos so after the obligatory posed ones you're more likely to find me with a camera in one hand and a plate of sausage rolls in the other as we run around talking to people

So far, so good...

[Getthewonderwebout]

And those rehearsed b and g dances where they start off dancing to Fat Larry's Band's "Zoom" and segue into "I like big butts". Entertaining the first thrice on You Tube but not so much now.

[WeddingNoNos]

We're going full on. It's geeky as hell. No cosplay though, we are massive cosplayers but the last cosplay wedding in his family didn't end well so it's a bit of a no-no.

It's little surprise the wedding will be geeky. This is the bloke I had to expressly forbid from making lightsaber noises when he cut DD's cord

[Lovelydiscusfish]

Can't stand a seating plan, myself. My first wedding had no seating plan for the meal (second one had only about eight guests, so not an issue!) All my friends who came to the first one said wow, how lovely to sit with whoever we want - then they all, bar none, inflicted a seating plan on me at their own weddings, and made me sit with twats, and consequently drink more than I should have, out of nerves!
If you can, reject any urges to control guests at your wedding more than is necessary. Seating plans, dress codes, even gift lists... In your every day life, you probably enjoy your friends and family being themselves, and making their own choices. Let it be so on your special day, too.
Good luck, and congrats.

[WeddingNoNos]

No rehearsed dance. Promise

[SingingSands]

Those film booths where people go in and are forced to deliver a cheesy message to the happy couple.

"Ohmygod you guys, YOU GUYS, I just love you, you are ahmayzin. This is just, like, the most AHMAYZIN day evah. Ah just luv yoo both SO MUCH and this is just the most AHMAYZIN day." Etc etc.

No. No no no.

[Getthewonderwebout]

Moustaches on sticks

[Getthewonderwebout]

No to moustaches on sticks.

[Stealthpolarbear]

What's a cos play
What's a moustache on stick?
Is my invitation on its way?

[WeddingNoNos]

I can't say moustaches on sticks had ever occurred to me...

[WeddingNoNos]

Is it a new twist on cheese and pineapple on a stick.

My mum will never forgive me if cheese and pineapple on a stick is forbidden, by the way.

[Getthewonderwebout]

Those oh so comical moustaches on sticks that you pose with in wedding photo booths.

[Getthewonderwebout]

These

[LuisSuarezTeeth]

People making the speeches who roll out a pretend long "speech" from their pocket. Done to death.

Guests who make it all about them. Little bridesmaids with white ankle socks and shoes on. Bleugh.

[mamadoc]

Definitely no waiting around after the ceremony for hours on end without sustenance. Be generous with your canapés. This also soaks up the alcohol and reduces the incidence of drunk embarrassing guests before dinner.

[ClearEyesFullHearts]

Little bridesmaids with white ankle socks and shoes on. Bleugh.

Yeah, those little twerps. Make them wear stilettos like the bridesmaids?

[Lovelydiscusfish]

Ooh, cross-posted and missed fact you had a theme. Guess you might have a dress-code too, then? But if it's funny and not just a stupid one for the photos, then I'm sure that will be fine. My best friend always speaks really fondly of some wedding he attended where the dress-code was something like "dress like a communist", and he wore his Che Guevara t-shirt and a beanie.( I don't mean by this that being a communist is funny, and I think it was the couple's actual political affiliation, but they still meant it to be funny as a Wedding Theme).
Anyway. Shut up, me. And good luck. And moustaches on sticks - when I read that I was thinking a novelty moustache-shaped sweet, for guests, on a stick. Which would be great.

[SurlyCue]

If youre planning on wearing white converse with diamantes on them instead of heels dont be surprised if people look underwhelmed when you "reveal" them.

Have a sit down meal. Although i am led to believe this is an Irish thing and people from elsewhere dont mind walking round with a plates of mini sausage rolls and slices of roast beef. To me that makes it your aunt's 50th birthday party in the gaelic club

[mayfridaycomequickly]

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cosplay cosplay? I'd rather lick my own feet. Sorry op!

[wigglesrock]

SurlyCue
Short, succinct speeches before the sit down dinner - people aren't as interested in very cute stories from your childhood or how you met each other as much as you might think they are. Look at the speeches, cut it in half, then take another paragraph out. Oh and if you're doing speeches for the love if God, don't open the floor up for everybody else to share a story - that way lies disaster.

[ClearEyesFullHearts]

I'd rather lick my own feet.

Podophilia, now there's a theme.

[cuntyMcCunterson]

My one tip is do what YOU and your OH want and to hell with everyone else. It's your day if you want to have something, and can afford it, have it and if you don't want to have something don't. Don't try and please anyone else as you'll never win and at the end if the day just enjoy it.

[60sname]

Children on the dance floor - go to bed and let the adults dance drunkenly in peace without worrying about stepping on you