To ask for your absolute wedding HATES?

[WeddingNoNos]

I am just starting out planning a wedding and trying to navigate having the day we want without any guests coming on here to post about my cunty bridezilla nuptials.

There will be no wishing well and no twattish poetry. What else do I need to remember?

No first dance

I detest them in every shape and form.

On no account have a bus tour of Belfast, during which the guide talks at length about the Troubles, in between the wedding ceremony & the meal.

5madthings your wedding sounds fab!

No tat on the table....

Especially those silly crystals that end up stuck in your bread.

I went to one where the seating plan purposely mixed up everyone, no couples were allowed to sit together. I get that the intention was for everyone to mingle but it was just a bit weird and awkward. I don't want to be pressured into making small talk with strangers.

I'm another one for feeding and watering your guests if you intend on having a long photography session (session is absolutely fine btw - you want to record your day!).

I attended a wedding a few years ago at a hotel in the middle of no where (which had cost me a lot to travel to). There was maybe a 3 hour photography session and no food/drinks for the guests. We had to buy drinks, which I don't mind doing but the cheapest alcoholic drinks were £5 for a bottle of buweiser - Pimms was £11!!! There was no food available at all (even for purchase). As the venue was in the middle of the countryside there were no local places we could pop to to buy something and evenif there was we needed to hire a taxi. The wedding ceremony was over at 11, dinner wasn't served until 4! Everyone was bloody starving and annoyed. Accordingly, some kind of prior itinery is also helpful.

I loathe pay bars at weddings although I do understand that financially they are sometimes unavoidable.

Dont have that weird gap in between the service and reception and then an evening do. Expecting your guests to bog off for an hour and twiddle their thumbs and then expect them to be on party form again later is unrealistic.

Just make sure everyone has a glass of something in their hands and some food curculating asap!!

At the last few weddings I've been to, the evening buffets were pretty much completely brown... as much as I love sausages, chicken, crisps, samosas and the like, I really missed salad, tomatoes etc (but don't have dips - double dipping ).

If you're having a disco or band, can you have a quiet room or space for people to chill/chat/foot-lick?

SIL's wedding, recently, was fairly unpleasant for me for the following reasons:

She insisted on having the photos all done at the church - they took nearly 2.5 hours. Said church had no form of refreshment, so after an hour's ceremony and another couple of hours' photos, I was pretty grumpy and thirsty.

Church had some benches, but instead of doing all the shots involving elderly people first, they made them get up and down for them.

Eventually, we turned up at the hotel reception to be greeted by the world's most expensive bar - it was London prices in the Midlands. DH and I live in London so it was ok for us, but many people were a bit shocked at £6.50 for a gin and tonic.

Waited ages for Sil and BIL to arrive as they had gone to a duck pond for an hour to have more photos...

Receiving line involved having to queue up some stairs, which was uncomfortable in any event, but the fact that the receiving line took over an hour was another long long wait.

Worst bit - they did the speeches BEFORE food. Honestly, please don't ever do this. We were all starving. All bread and butter was consumed before groom had even stood up. They said they did it so people weren't nervous all through dinner, but given the time we had waited for photos, it was a bit ridiculous.

There was a wishing well, complete with soppy poem. I'm just biased because I think these are stupid, but I didn't see anyone else getting excited about them either so they were a bit pointless...

Wedding cake was fruit cake with that royal icing. Does anyone actually like this? I know it's tradition, but I cannot stand that icing, let alone fruit cake!

Haven't RTFT so sorry for repetitions.

What I hate most is weddings that are just like templates out of a wedding book 'We'll have Wedding B please'. Ones that have some character and seem personal to the couple are always lovely.

I don't like the top table thing; so weird having a bunch of slightly self-conscious people sitting in a row being watched as they eat their dinner.

I also really dislike the fact that so often the speeches consist of two or three men (groom, best man, father of bride) getting up and essentially just telling the bride she looks beautiful, while the bride herself sits and stays silent. I like weddings where the bride speaks, and would love to go to more where we hear from people like the bride's mother (or groom's mother for that matter).

I think having all-day guests and just evening guests is fine.

Try and ensure the bar/drinks are available in the same room as the party/dancing. I've seen too many sad, empty wedding dance floors with DJ and flashing lights etc but no guests except granny and a few kids! Meanwhile up the corridor 100 guests are having a raucous and fab time in the hotel bar. People WILL gravitate to the bar.

Oh, and too much waiting around in between events. Went to one recently that had planned for three hours in between the ceremony and sitting down to eat, with only a drinks reception (standing outside on a not-that-warm spring day) to fill the time.

Thankfully they did get us in to eat after more like two and a quarter hours (probably realised that I was guests were starting to get unbearable a bit irritable with hunger . Was still AGES though.

Strapless dresses on the bride and the six or so bridesmaids. (will be glad when that fashion dies out) It's not a good look on most people, especially those with 'back fat'. Something with a short sleeve is more flattering on every one.

Long, long, long, long, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz dull speeches. Keep it short and sweet.

Cheesey/corny/done to death 'first dance' songs.
Choose something that's special to both of you, instead of going for the same as millions of other bride and grooms' first dance songs.

Other than that I love weddings! (only mentioning the above because you did ask) Enjoy your day.

I've been to three weddings without seating plans and am def in favour of them!

One of the weddings, I didn't get to sit with people I knew as all of the tables were quickly taken up by big groups so we all ended up scattered around at the end of long tables of strangers. There was also a very awkward moment when I went to sit somewhere only to be told someone had "saved" it.

One of them ended up with random empty seats in the middle of tables, so there was some awkward shuffling around, and in the last one someone quite rudely asked me to move my dcs so they could sit by their boyfriend as they'd been outside smoking and when they came in all of the seats together were taken. That one was quite chaotic as well as people found their seats - it was a little like people pushing to get on the tube

Arg!

I think the only time no plan works is when you have a number of extra seats than guests.

Just thought of another one:

Those awful rehearsed first dances, where the couple have spent months and £££'s on dancing lessons, just so's they can have their 'look at me! Look at me!'' moment.

Just do a blimmin waltz and be done with it already. [
nobody's impressed with your fancy contrived-- moves, guests just want to get back to the food and drink

Very bare dresses in church . And that 'bandeau' straight across design suits very few people .
Once waited 3 hours between church and food , while photos were done. It was Nov late afternoon (at least it wasn't outside as dark and freezing) .Everything co ordinated to within an inch of its life (DH, DCs and I invited only to keep newly widowed DM company). My DDs were about 8 and 4 and bored to death .We were all ravenous having had to travel 2.5 hrs to wedding and had had a very early , light lunch anticipating a full three course meal about 5pm . We got one sherry to sustain us ..The marriage lasted 18months
Yes I too hate that 'gap' between the sit down meal and other guests joining for the evening bash, if its anything more than an hour or so . Encourages everyone to drink too much IMO . .

The reason people have seating plans is so you can make sure
a) old friends who may not have seen each other for ages get a chance to chat
b) ditto relatives
and to separate people you know don't/won't get on .
And avoid the melee described above

If you're not planning on feeding daytime guests until the evening please warn them. Went to a wedding that started at 12, expecting the usual meal after the reception, it never came. They just had speeches. At 6 o'clock they served vol au vents (sp) everyone was following the waitresses round like zombies, my three year old was eating the bits out of discarded Pimms glasses. No other food was served until 9pm.
If they'd have said if you'd like to buy lunch inbetween the ceremony and evening I'd have been fine with it. The food looked lovely.

Toast masters
Twee pics of bride and groom as children on display
Toddler ring bearers
Strapless wedding dresses
Silly speeches esp if groom begins with "On behalf of my WIFE and I"
First dances
Wishing wells
Letter boxes
Outdoor weddings
Babies screaming during vows
Speech from father of bride
Photo booths
Naff poems
Greedy gift lists
Requests for money
Garters
Party games
Tossing bouquet
Placards with poems / quotations about love
Paper quizzes handed to guests featuring questions about his groin met bride

I hate weddings!

Groin should be GROOM!

Me too conferencepear so rude to assume guests will buy you a gift . Of course they will, but wait to be asked . And with email it doesnt cost you anything to send out a gift list

If you're having kids add a little sweety table. Ours went down so well, we didn't have tonnes so the kids didn't eat til they threw up but all the mums (I wasn't one at this point) said what a lovely thing it was for them. We also provided crayons and books for the few short speeches we had and a little area the kids could get some air and race off their energy. The kids seemed to have fun and were incredibly well behaved I must say!

Motheringshites - that's exactly the sort of wedding I do like, the sort where you can escape from the disco and have a good time just chatting and mingling. Nothing worse than a dancefloor with a row of chairs round the edge and nowhere else to go.

I like receiving lines. At least everyone gets the chance to speak to bride and groom and wish them well
Like another poster I made a point of trying to circulate at the reception and speak to everyone too. Though I did spend rather a long time cuddling friends' six week old baby .

Things that are good:
Plenty of bubbles and canapes.
A good sit-down meal.
An opportunity to let your hair down and have a really good dance.
A really lovely location.

Things that are bad:
Expensive locations and lack of cheaper hotel options.
Locations that depend on the weather being good.
Anything that involves camping/ roughing it. Guests do not want to get dressed up and then stand in a muddy field. Especially if you have toddlers/ babies in tow.
Long speeches
Naff bands - it's better to load up your i-pod and get some good speakers.

I know I am in a minority possibly of one here, but I am not a fan of music within the ceremony. Every single wedding I have been to where there has been "meaningful" aisle walking/signing stuff music, the couple have divorced.

Mind you, when I rule the world, weddings will be replaced with a legal "sign up" in a solicitor's office. Possibly with a low key meal after if people insist. Maximum 20 people. No gift lists. No throwing bouquets. No fucking wishing wells and definitely no poems.

I am very happily married but think the focus has moved from marriages to weddings.