... to think this is really tacky? Grief, funerals and Facebook.

[Minniemouserocks]

Sadly a couple of my friends have recently suffered bereavements, which I'm obviously sympathetic about. However, I can't help but be astonished by the amount of their grief that appears to have been shared on Facebook (I know - Facebook is the work of the devil and all that...). But seriously? Is it necessary to post pictures of your family outside the crematorium? To write post after cryptic post, inviting all manner of comments? Whatever happened to dignity in death? Maybe it's been playing on my mind more than it should have as I also have a relative who is terminally ill, very close to the end, and we have been planning her funeral recently. But I cannot ever imagine sharing anything about her dying, her funeral arrangements, or anything else on FB. So - AIBU?

What a nasty fucking thread. Fuck off from FB if you don't like it.

personally i think people sharing photos of those who have left us is wonderful - i dont think they are morbid

i dont quite get the photos at funerals, but if it gets you through it, thats up to you

Money is also for the living Starling...should we no longer respect the deceased's wishes for their estate after they're gone? Because they're dead and what they would have wanted doesn't matter?

I still wouldn't disrespect someone's memory by making it into a Facebook attention fest

Fuck the fuck off.

Disrespect someone's memory by making it into an attention fest? what a cruel stupid thing to say.

Yeah, I was all about the drama when I was dealing with three grieving children while grieving myself. I went on FB, shared my feelings just because I wanted more drama in my life.

U2, I am so sorry to hear you lost your husband so young and I hope you and your children are recovering as best you can.

Sorry OP but I have recently suffered a bereavement and also found this thread hugely offensive, upsetting and judgmental. I now feel shitty about posting my darling Dad's funeral arrangements on FB - at the time, I simply didn't feel able to phone everyone who might want to come and pay their respects. I have also posted some old photos of my Dad on FB as well because I'm keen for his memory to live on, even on social media. It may not have been your intention to upset anyone, but you have and I will now of course hide the thread as others have suggested.

It made me feel similar, Back and I am a year on. I'd have been inconsolable to ha e read this twelve months ago. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm not sure why some people are so stupid as to not think this thread might upset some people.

Thanks Fairy. He was my ex husband but we were still very close. The children are doing well now, it was a year from hell but they are coming out the other end now. Life will never be the same for them but we have more happiness than we have sadness in the house now.

I am sorry for your loss as well

I must admit that I don't get it because I wouldn't find that sort of thing a support, but each to their own. Personally, I would feel it was wrong for some reason I can't put my finger on in my own case but if it helps then it helps.

I would have been furious if someone had posted a picture of me at funerals when I'd been the chief mourner though.

Overuse of the word now or what!

This thread is in such poor taste and I never understand why people don't think before they post certain things.

I had a school friend who's younger brother recently died in very sad circumstances (accidental death.) She's posted loads of pictures of him and status updates; I now wonder if I'm being weird as it just hasn't crossed my mind to think she's 'tacky'! Just that she's sad?

I tend to assume that the person posting is not getting much support in RL and is feeling a bit isolated and needs some sympathy.

TBH, if people can't figure out how to work the unfollow function they shouldn't be on facebook anyway.

She's doing what she needs to get her through the very dark days. How can anyone say a persons way of expressing their grief if tacky?

YADNBU

But Facebook being trash isn't news, is it? What does anybody expect?

Grief is so personal.. When I wrote a tribute to my dad after he died, the support I got was immense. All from people I care about but wanted to tell everyone en mass rather than text individually. It's an update about my life.

I don't think it's quite the same thing, to be honest. I can see your point, but to me it's a separate thing. Quite possibly I'm being irrational there.

How awful to target those that mention their friends and family who have died on the anniversary. I've a fb friend who mentions her mum every year, she died twenty five years ago. I guess she's tacky enough to mention it, or there's the possibility she still grives for her.

I can see the posters point about being tagged in photos whilst at a funeral and without their permission. I do strongly suggest in fb setting it up so any tagging or mention of you needs to be aporoved by you first. Not just for the chance soneone might tag you at a funeral either.

It's not for me to tell anyone how to grieve their loved ones. Some people really need the support that they feel facebook can offer. I have friends who I think overshare massively online, but why should I wish they would handle things more like I would, just so I don't feel uncomfortable? That would be selfish and shit.

I don't think there's anything wrong with people posting photos on FB after someone has died. I've found it pretty much the norm now. I think it's a nice way to remember the person as the photos are usually of happy times. I think posting on Anniversaries isn't out of the ordinary either. I do that. It's a nice reminder when friends do that maybe they need a bit more support etc

We have a small memorial for my dad in quite an unusual place. I posted a photo of that when we got it partly because I knew a number of people wanted to see it and FB was the easiest way to do it.

Had someone produced a camera at my dad's funeral and started taking photos of the hearse and mourners and myself and my family I wouldn't have been responsible for my actions.

FWIW, I completely understand why people like to write posts about their deceased loved ones and why they post pictures of them, however regularly. I actually think that's lovely, though it isn't how I grieve.

But I think it crosses the line when you photograph other mourners at their most vulnerable with neither their knowledge or consent then post those pictures to a public site. Especially in circumstances where the deceased wouldn't want their funeral displayed in that way.

Oh and no one asked any of us if we wanted our photos taken and published in the newspaper when we attended the funeral of our murdered family member. We just saw them published in the next paper.

There's no need to be so rude though - if you don't like the thread (and the title pretty much says what it's going to be about) then feel free to hide it.

Well, maybe the same can be said to yourself OP - hide the FB posts, hide the friend from your news feed...

to-think-this-is-really-tacky-Grief-funerals-and-Facebook

But to criticise people who are grieving in their own way - really tacky

O Tempore O mores or summat. Victorians made death masks,
wore locks of hair and displayed photos of graves.
YABVVVU unreasonable to judge anyone's grieving.

I have just said in a PM to someone that unfortunately, some people are incapable of seeing things out of the context of them and how they respond to it. They think that because they don't like something, it makes it tacky. They can't accept that if it brings comfort to someone in a dark time,'it's worth it. They think the world should revolve around them.