... to think this is really tacky? Grief, funerals and Facebook.

[Minniemouserocks]

Sadly a couple of my friends have recently suffered bereavements, which I'm obviously sympathetic about. However, I can't help but be astonished by the amount of their grief that appears to have been shared on Facebook (I know - Facebook is the work of the devil and all that...). But seriously? Is it necessary to post pictures of your family outside the crematorium? To write post after cryptic post, inviting all manner of comments? Whatever happened to dignity in death? Maybe it's been playing on my mind more than it should have as I also have a relative who is terminally ill, very close to the end, and we have been planning her funeral recently. But I cannot ever imagine sharing anything about her dying, her funeral arrangements, or anything else on FB. So - AIBU?

I think YABU, a bit, at least about people posting cryptic posts. People grieve in different ways - sometimes people find it hard to reach out for support in person, and sometimes people are so full of pain that it spills over into every aspect of their lives. If you don't like seeing it, de-follow them.

I agree that it's pretty weird to TAKE photos at a funeral though.

YANBU, I would not be happy to see photos of me taken at a funeral posted to Facebook.

I think it really depends on the tone. I have a friend who has recently suffered a bereavement. She has shared a lot of her feelings on Facebook in a very honest, open and thoughtful way. It hasn't been constant but she has clearly used it to reach out when she needs some support. It seems to help her and I think that is a really good thing. I would agree that photos at funerals are an odd thing to share and that would definitely feel like a step too far.

Why not unfollow or block this person if you are so bothered about their posts on FB? I think I'll start a thread, 'To think that if you are bothered by a friend on FB, UNFOLLOW or block them rather than start a fucking thread on a huge internet forum slagging them off?'

What about others who don't want to be reminded of their own grief though? Eg with my own relative's death very much on the horizon and in my thoughts, I don't really appreciate seeing funeral pics I haven't asked to see. And quite honestly, I was surprised that the friends who had posted them had, to be honest

You hid their posts. Very simple.

But you cannot sit as judge as to what some people can/can't post because it might affect you.

I've separated from my husband - would be pretty unreasonable for me to say to people "please don't post pictures of you with your husband as I don't have that anymore and I don't want to see it". Or when I had a m/c to ask people not to post pics of babies. The onus is very much on you to avoid seeing it if you don't want to - FB have given you that option

I find the "one year ago today I lost my dad/mum/brother/etc, missing you every day" statuses fairly odd.

I have nothing against the people who post them, but given that the person it's aimed at can't actually read it... I'm not sure what the point is.

Mind you, I feel the same about "happy birthday to my three year old". The 3 yr old can't read it, so what's it for?

yanbu

mostly attention seeking

and lots of false replys,with lots of hun and babe added

OK.

Personally, I would far rather I had some photos to share from weddings, christenings and similar, but I don't.

One of my big regrets with both my parents is how few photos I have of them. They took a lot of pictures but mostly of us, their children - not many with them in it.

After the service, I asked my brother to take a photo of me and my friends, which he did.

I don't see why that might upset some of you. But even if it did, do you suppose my grief was any less real due to one picture? Do you think for a moment that I haven't missed my parents every day since they died?

I seriously feel like crying at this thread.

A friend I have known for years took pictures at his 4 year old sons wake.

It was his way to grieve I guess.

I found out my uncle had died unexpectedly when a cousin (my uncle's niece, not daughter) posted the news on Facebook before my Mum had a chance to ring to tell me. She seems to revel in grief, constantly posting about people who've died and has posted pictures of a funeral up as well. In her case it's attention seeking plain and simple

I think you're taking things a bit out of context Fairy.

I think the macabre photos are the ones of coffins, and hearses and crematoria.

I can't see how you wanting to get a snap of you and your friends while you were all together is in the same league.

I seriously feel like crying at this thread.

Me too :(

some of you are saying really horrible nasty spiteful and insensitive things on this thread

But it is still people deciding how and when other people can grieve. I find that so upsetting.

My dad died so suddenly - I'm sure I did a lot of stuff people might consider odd or bizarre but you know, I was 20 years old and I'm afraid I didn't know the equitette.

YANBU. Definitely not.

this thread is awful i think i am going to have to hide it. so upsetting. like you think the bereaved are 'attention seeking'
some of you can just fuck off

Fairygardens I think that's totally different though. you asked someone to take the photos and for a lovely reason.

in my post the album I referred to had photos posted and people tagged who clearly had no idea the photo was being taken. I sure as he'll wouldn't want a photo of me crying posted on FB.

The photo my brothers friend had taken was not something they wanted it was a pushy relative the photo is dreadful. The 3 of them are clearly upset - his mum's death was very unexpected - and they just look in shock.

Photos like these ate IMO Un necessary and wrong. Photos like the one you mentioned ate completely different

Hedgehog - I am genuinely sorry for your loss. The thing that originally got me thinking about this was my own impending loss. There's no need to be so rude though - if you don't like the thread (and the title pretty much says what it's going to be about) then feel free to hide it. My intention was certainly not to upset anyone. If anything, I've been upset myself by seeing pictures of others' funerals I didn't really want to see. Hence the post...

Well after my cousin posted the pictures I described in my previous post to Facebook of my uncle's funeral (not her dad, her uncle too, who would have been disgusted by it), I let my close family and friends know that if they allow someone to Facebook my funeral I'll come back to fucking haunt them.

If the deceased was a fan of broadcasting everything, fine. Can just about understand it. But if they valued their privacy (as the majority of people do) then it's really disrespectful to post pictures to Facebook of their family crying over their death.

And to those saying 'just hide their posts' - I didn't think the people concerned would be so crass as to post pics of hearses and the crematorium and so on originally. I'll obviously unfollow them now I know that that's how they choose to grieve (obviously very differently from how I would).

Also, has it occurred to you hat your relative is terminally ill, which gives you some foresight and some ability to see what she might have wanted?

When someone dies suddenly, in their fifties, you don't have that option.

'There's no need to be so rude though - if you don't like the thread (and the title pretty much says what it's going to be about) then feel free to hide it.'

The same can be said about you and this 'friend' of yours on FB whom you started a thread about on a huge internet forum to slag her off. It's beyond rude to do that to a friend. Hopefully she'll wise up and block you because you certainly won't afford her the courtesy of hiding posts you don't like or unfollowing her.

hide the thread if you dislike it,like op said the title is pretty clear