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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

His divorce

499 replies

WatchingWaiting4 · 05/06/2015 23:01

Am I being unreasonable to want my boyfriend to accept my offer to lend him £400 to get his divorce papers sent off?

OP posts:
redexpat · 15/11/2015 11:08

FGS chalk the last 2 years up to experience, cut your losses and move on.

It's rare that there's a thread so unanimous as this one. What does that tell you?

goodnightdarthvader1 · 15/11/2015 11:15

Next update from OP: "He says blah blah. He says blah blah. And he says blah blah."

summerwinterton · 15/11/2015 11:20

Sunk costs fallacy.

OneHandFlapping · 15/11/2015 11:23

Time to throw this one back, OP. He's a frog. He'll always be a frog. Stop pretending he isn't.

MaryMcGregor · 15/11/2015 12:04

Just ditch him. Life is too short.

Jux · 15/11/2015 12:35

Good, you're facing the right direction at last!

He won't show it to you, btw, I bet.

Please dump him. He really is wasting your life. How dare he?

You'll never find a better man until you've dumped the crap one you're with now.

starlight2007 · 15/11/2015 12:52

I agree with the previous poster...This is not about a divorce.... This is about he doesn't love you...Even if he files for divorce it has nothing to do witht he fact he does not want to move this relationship further.

ohtheholidays · 15/11/2015 13:00

OP my ex husband did this to me.I wanted the divorce,I sorted all the paperwork out for us both or he never would have done anything about the divorce.

He was in a commited relationship(so he said)and he let that women look into IVF to have children with him,he'd met all her family,they'd set the date,started booking and paying for everything,she'd got her wedding dress,told everyone they were getting married,chose her bridesmaids and what they'd all be wearing they were that far in they were sorting out they're Hen and Stag do's.

The dishonest Bastard still hadn't put the divorce papers in,every time I see him once a week to pick up the kids he'd tell me he'd put them in and he'd spoke to someone and it was all being sorted it was all a lie.

I found out the truth when I was talking to him about it in front of our sons and when he'd left our oldest told me Daddy still had that envelope in his old coat Mummy in his car.

The next week I walked straight past him went into the boot of his car took out the papers.His answer oh I'm sorry I was sure I'd put them in I'll do it now blah blah blah.I caught a bus straight into town and handed in the paperwork myself.

A few weeks later I found out ex and his partner had split up after mammoth rows,he didn't want to marry her so used the fact that he wasn't divorced yet and then I found out the bastard blamed me.

He's re-married now with 2 more children but he still trys to flirt with me and he's told my family and his family only a couple of years ago that he'd come straight back if I'd have him.There's not a chance in hell.

Just be careful OP that he's not like my stupid ex husband.

ohtheholidays · 15/11/2015 13:02

Sorry no chance in hell,no chance!! Dog decided then would be a good time to jump on me Blush

Fairenuff · 15/11/2015 13:07

Grin holidays

AmarettoSour · 15/11/2015 13:37

He may not be a nice man but it's not his fault the OP is acting like a complete mug

dreamoutloud · 15/11/2015 13:37

You keep telling us what he says, what he wants... that really doesn't matter. What matters is how he makes you feel. He is chipping more and more off your already low self-esteem. You know it's not obligatory to be in a relationship, right? Better to be alone than with someone who makes you feel this way. It's not about if he is right, if he is fair, if his actions show he is in to you. It's about if being with him makes you feel good. It doesn't.
I don't really know why I'm posting though. This thread reads like two different threads that got mixed together... all the advice urging you to leave this man, and then your monologue of questions and doubt.

DaggerEyes · 15/11/2015 15:10

Ok op, don't leave him. That's ok, but you need to massively adjust your expectations if you are going to be happy. You keep posting as if he is just one little good deed away from being the perfect man, and if we can just help you find a way to make him do this one little thing, everything will snap into to place and be like a Disney film. I, like everyone else, think you are deluded.

goddessofsmallthings · 15/11/2015 16:24

When we first got together the 1st Christmas he went a bit weird which I'm assuming is due to his ex and again last Christmas he went a bit weird which again I'm wondering if it has anything to do with his ex

Sounds like he's shaping up to go "a bit weird" for the third time, perhaps by citing your lack of 'trust' in his alleged intention to divorce.

Tell him you've had enough of being his bit on the side in an adulterous relationship and not to bother contacting you again until he's in possession of a Decree Absolute - don't accept a Nisi because he won't be legally free of his dw until the last bell has tolled on their marriage.

lunar1 · 15/11/2015 17:45

I want to cry, and shake you every time you post.

Jux · 15/11/2015 18:23

You'll never see it, because it doesn't exist and never will, not for you anyway. You are the one whom he will use for convenience and lie to and deceive. One day he'll meet someone else who won't take his shit and he'll be dust in your eyes.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/11/2015 18:26

He is doing the absolute bare minimum to keep you shagging him and no more. Which means every concession he makes will be a massive deal and painful for you, because he won't unless he has to.

I wouldn't live like that.

ilovesooty · 15/11/2015 18:52

I bet he'd be back with his wife tomorrow - if he's even actually left her.

NorthernLurker · 15/11/2015 19:00

OP - what are you doing?

Please walk away.

ElinoristhenewEnid · 16/11/2015 14:00

RE: the issue of him expecting you to trust his word re his divorce papers
Just remember the good advice I was given:
Trust is earned NOT given out like sweeties.
He has not earned your trust so therefore it is reasonable for him to prove what he has done/not done until over a period of time you/he knows his words can be trusted.

WatchingWaiting4 · 17/11/2015 13:43

Not seen it. Waiting to see if he shows me in a couple of weeks time.

OP posts:
definitelybutter1 · 17/11/2015 13:45

Why?

definitelybutter1 · 17/11/2015 13:46

I mean, it isn't going to make any difference. He is still not going to love you enough.

MaidOfStars · 17/11/2015 13:56

Waiting to see if he shows me in a couple of weeks time

Or what? Seriously, what are the consequences if he doesn't?

This is another two weeks of your life that you'll NEVER get back.

CalonDu · 17/11/2015 13:57

Can you please acknowledge any some of the advice you're being given here? Because otherwise this thread is sailing very close to goadiness.