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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

His divorce

499 replies

WatchingWaiting4 · 05/06/2015 23:01

Am I being unreasonable to want my boyfriend to accept my offer to lend him £400 to get his divorce papers sent off?

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 08/12/2015 13:18

"WatchingWaiting4 Wed 21-Oct-15 23:44:29
I have extremely low self esteem"

SadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSad

stairbears · 08/12/2015 13:42

Would you want this life for your daughter OP?

Surely you'd want her to be with someone who would be open and honest with her? Who loved her so much he couldn't wait for their children to meet? Who would want to win her mother over if she was suspicious, as opposed to trying to drive a wedge through them?

Life is too short to wait around for him, you are incompatible and deserve better.

stairbears · 08/12/2015 13:45

People with extremely low self esteem tend to attract abusers. His treatment of you, knowing that you want more, is emotionally abusive.

Your self-esteem will improve once you are free from him. Why not role model a better way to love, for your daughter?

Being single is better than being a doormat.

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 08/12/2015 19:42

I called the court (Swindon) they don't deal with divorces anymore. They said everything that was them now goes through Southampton.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 08/12/2015 21:43

WatchingWaiting4, what do you want? What do you want from your life? And what do you want from this thread?

lunar1 · 08/12/2015 22:49

I'm sure he'll have a good explanation for the delay. Localised postal strikes I bet.

definitelybutter1 · 08/12/2015 23:10

There's loads of reasons that it could be delayed. It could be sent in with the wrong fee, without a signature, with bits of information missing. Then it has to be re-sent but there's something else wrong. Or he could just not want a divorce.

Have you rung Southampton?

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 02/02/2016 10:38

It's Jan/Feb and he's gone weird on me again.

OP posts:
OhShutUpThomas · 02/02/2016 10:44

OP, in the kindest way possible - WHY are you doing this to yourself?

I take it he was lying about having sent the divorce off?

ChubbyChubster · 02/02/2016 10:54

OP, why are you still with this man? Do you not think you deserve better? (Because you DO deserve better)

SwearySwearyQuiteContrary · 02/02/2016 10:58

OP, do you believe he loves you as much as you love him?
How does he show you his love and trust?
Does he make you feel happy and secure?
You need to ask yourself these questions and answer them honestly.
Nobody here is going to tell you what you want to hear because from all that you've said his feelings are entirely different to yours. He is stinging you along and treats you like crap. This will not have a happy ending.

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 02/02/2016 10:59

I don't know about the papers. We were both busy over Christmas him with work, me moving and then me going away for 2 weeks over Christmas I haven't followed the divorce up. He's been working away in the Middle East for the last few weeks. I thought things were OK between us and he's become distant and says he's unhappy with our relationship.

OP posts:
Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 02/02/2016 11:00

I've had enough

OP posts:
DaggerEyes · 02/02/2016 11:08

He wants you to end it. I bet you a million pounds if you suggest a break/split, he won't argue. He wants to be single.

OhShutUpThomas · 02/02/2016 11:12

Then please leave him! You've wasted years on this man

Nanny0gg · 02/02/2016 11:14

So what are you going to do?

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 02/02/2016 11:17

I can't carry on like this. I've told him I'll talk to him when he's back and not via whatsap!

OP posts:
DaggerEyes · 02/02/2016 11:21

Is he still overseas? You might find he's more honest over whatsapp! No emotional pressure from you, time to compose his thoughts into actual answers rather than vague pussyfooting.

Stillunexpected · 02/02/2016 11:22

I've had enough - to be blunt, I think we all had enough quite a few months ago! I can't believe this is still going on. What a waste of your life.

Owllady · 02/02/2016 11:27

He's been taking you for a fool :(
Have a bit of self respect and end it. You are worth better than this you know.
Your mum is right, trust your mum

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 02/02/2016 11:28

Yeah he flys back on Friday
I think he's obviously had time to question our relationship whilst he's been away.

OP posts:
liinyo · 02/02/2016 11:29

It sounds like a very generous offer, but it is perfectly reasonable of him to decline it. Trying to nag him or rush him into this is unkind. Divorce can be a massive life step and he needs to do it in his own time, not yours.

redshoeblueshoe · 02/02/2016 11:30

FFS

I've known marriages that haven't gone on as long as this thread

He does not give a shit.

DaggerEyes · 02/02/2016 11:36

Our relationship? It's more like your relationship, which he grudgingly allows to happen to him.

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