Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

His divorce

499 replies

WatchingWaiting4 · 05/06/2015 23:01

Am I being unreasonable to want my boyfriend to accept my offer to lend him £400 to get his divorce papers sent off?

OP posts:
KinkyAfro · 17/11/2015 14:12

Is this seriously for real? OP hasn't answered any posts and her responses are just stupid one liners, I think to keep us hooked.

I'm sorry but I call bullshit, no-one can be THAT stupid

wowfudge · 17/11/2015 14:16

OP this man is just stringing you along. Everything he says points to the fact that despite what you think, he doesn't think the same about the relationship. He doesn't sound as if he is ready to take things to a more serious level - he's even said he doesn't see the two of you as a family unit. He's introduced you to his child because you've pressured him into it, but he won't tell the kid who you are in his life.

You are not listening to what this man is telling you and he's a coward who won't step up and tell you he can't give you what you want. All the other crap about his divorce, etc is stalling in the hope you'll get the message without him pointing it out. He's obviously okay with whatever he is getting from you in the relationship, but he isn't prepared to put your wishes before his own as it isn't what he wants.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/11/2015 14:53

Have you reported KinkyAfro?

goodnightdarthvader1 · 17/11/2015 15:13

I agree with KinkyAfro. I don't troll-hunt normally, but this thread is beyond a joke.

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 17/11/2015 15:56

This is a genuine thread. I guess I want to be absolutely certain that I'm not being unreasonable before finishing things.

OP posts:
lunar1 · 17/11/2015 16:14

That's a few weeks when you could be living your life. Doing things for you and your son, meeting someone new who could maybe be the right one who will want the same things from life as you.

You are going to have to go through the pain of breaking up with this one at some point. Make it on your terms, rip the plaster off, cry, then start to get over it and actually start living.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 17/11/2015 16:18

The ENTIRE thread is telling you you're being unreasonable, OP. Why did you bother posting (and continuing to post) if you're going to ignore the advice of so many people? Doesn't make sense.

You came back quick enough to respond to troll accusations but everything else you've completely dismissed and ignored.

MaidOfStars · 17/11/2015 16:38

I guess I want to be absolutely certain that I'm not being unreasonable before finishing things

I don't think this is true. I think you're looking for excuses to carry on.

Because what would give you that certainty? If it isn't hundreds of people* on the Internet telling you that he is a twat, you need to get rid of him and live your life, he's making an utter and tragic fool of you, then I don't know what else you need.

*this thread, previous threads, random estimate....

How can you let someone subjugate you so thoroughly? How can you not care that another human being is treating you worse than a dog begging for crumbs? How can you look at him and not feel anything other than sickening contempt?

Don't you care about yourself? About your future? If the answer to either of those is "not really", I think you should see a doctor and talk through what's happening. You might need some help with moods/anxiety/mental health.

definitelybutter1 · 17/11/2015 16:52

I know people this desperate in real life. They end up broken, every time.

redshoeblueshoe · 17/11/2015 17:00

Don't finish with him, he sounds such a catch.
Think how lucky you are to have him.
As long as you are with him you will get to spend every Christmas alone.

He does not give a shit about you.

Go and get a decent man. That won't be difficult as you have already set the bar so low.

Where is your self esteem ?
He is not interested - what else do you need to know ?

WhereYouLeftIt · 17/11/2015 17:08

"This is a genuine thread. I guess I want to be absolutely certain that I'm not being unreasonable before finishing things."
Oh OP, I wish you well but I don't think you are ever going to finish things. If you can't be certain already, you never will be. Sad

HE.
IS.
STRINGING.
YOU.
ALONG.

magoria · 17/11/2015 17:20

Life's too short.

Don't waste another few weeks.

You could be them few weeks down the path to getting over him instead of still being lead along the garden path.

definitelybutter1 · 17/11/2015 17:30

It is grim when you see it in real life in front of you.

Years ago there was one slow motion car crash in our office when she thought they were engaged and was window shopping for the ring and he thought she was a 'friend with benefits' and didn't think they were exclusive.

The fall out when she asked him about the wedding date was horrific.

definitelybutter1 · 17/11/2015 17:30

It's years ago and I left not long after, but last I heard she was still pining for him and he was engaged to someone else.

Kacie123 · 17/11/2015 18:06

Well if it were a troll thread, they wouldn't say it was.

If you are real OP, what does it say to you that people think your situation must be fake?

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 08/12/2015 09:02

So I gave him the benefit of the doubt and said I would wait for the petition to come through rather than be mistrusting and seeing the online divorce tracker. He sent it off at the beginning of November. How long do they take the court to process?

OP posts:
definitelybutter1 · 08/12/2015 09:20

Are you asking how long it will take the court to get your boyfriend divorced - around six months minimum, depending on whether everyone co-operates and that your boyfriend does stuff when it is ready and doesn't sit on it.

If you are asking how long it takes for a court to issue a divorce petition, I would expect that to be done within a week, depending on the court. There is stuff that can affect that but it should be less than six weeks. When I was on the divorce section we aimed to issue the day the petition was received, but that may no longer be true.

Your boyfriend can drag this out for years if he wants.

ThatsNotMyRabbit · 08/12/2015 09:38

FFS stop wasting everyone's time.

You're never going to leave him. You've firmly marked yourself as a doormat and he's embraced that.

The longer this farce goes on, the less respect he'll have for you; even if he had any in the beginning. No decent man would be interested in a doormat - ergo he isn't a nice man.

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 08/12/2015 09:45

Yeah how long it takes the court to process and issue a petition. Would he receive notification too?

OP posts:
definitelybutter1 · 08/12/2015 10:05

The target used to be ten working days. Seriously, it is only if the court is in absolute crisis would it take six weeks, assuming the petition was filled in correctly. Yes, he would receive notification.

Do you know which court it is. They will be able to tell you how long that particular court's backlog is if you ring in, though they won't be able to tell you about the divorce itself. Of course, if you do that and find him out it will he will blame you and make it your fault because you should trust him. He will tell you that it's because you don't trust him that he hasn't filed. If he loved you he would file.

Honestly, stuff with a fee usually has a turnaround of a few days at most under normal circumstances.

You could be kidded along with, 'I forgot to sign it, so they returned it and I sent it back... I used the wrong form so they returned it and I sent it back... I didn't put the right addresses in so they returned it and I sent it back... I forgot about the arrangements for children so they returned it and I sent it back...' etc etc etc.

If he wanted the divorce he would already be divorced. If he wanted you in his life then you would already be in his life. Sorry.

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 08/12/2015 11:54

Thanks. I'll ring and find out.

OP posts:
Enjolrass · 08/12/2015 11:58

Wtf?

Really? Why are you waiting for it?

You won't break up with him either way

goodnightdarthvader1 · 08/12/2015 12:03

Fresh outta fucks with this attention-seeking thread.

timelytess · 08/12/2015 12:22

Would he find the money if he really wanted the divorce
Yes

This comes to mind.
Doesn't matter what you provide for him, he doesn't want to commit to you.

GoblinLittleOwl · 08/12/2015 12:54

Do you know, I am beginning to feel a tiny bit of sympathy for the 'boyfriend'.

Swipe left for the next trending thread