To be utterly bored to tears by 9AM every bloody day!

[EffThis]

NC - MIL is a lurker and knows my regular username.

I am a SAHM with 1 DS (15 months). DH works full time, long hours. Whilst DS is an utter delight he is also a pain in the backside handful. He isn't walking yet and has very few words so the poor mite is a ball of frustration. He cries and whines. A LOT.

Whilst I love him dearly I do not enjoy day to day life looking after him, the constant need, tantrums, teething, sleepless nights (STILL) and to top it off he's the world's pickiest eater (think 3 foods on rotation).

I am just utterly, utterly bored with the drudgery of it all and often find myself grinding my teeth with despair/resentment by 9AM every day. The days drag into weeks and months, long days with nothing to fill them except a walk to the shops and back (I don't drive).

Sometimes a day feels like a lifetime and I can't even take a shit without the toddler clinging onto my legs and wailing because he can't eat the toilet paper/bog brush.

I have no friends locally, the baby groups are sparse and unfriendly, family are too busy to help out and I don't see DH until much later in the evening when DS has already gone to bed. I am so lonely I could weep.

When does it get better? Am I being unreasonable to expect life to be any different with a small child?

I had a career and a life once, now I no longer even feel like I even exist.

I found between 1 and 3 the hardest years. It does get easier after that.

Sounds like you could do with getting some part time work.

Oh it gets much better! Toddler years are hard work!

Do you have a gym with a creche near you? I used to go 2/3 times a week for a swim/class while my dd played in the creche. This was great for her as she got to socialise and I got some me time!

Are there any bus routes in your area? It sounds like you'd both benefit from getting out more. Even if it's to the library a couple times a week, a leisure centre softplay or the park.

Make it your aim to do one non-chore outdoors activity a day with him. Even if it's sitting in a cafe having a coffee and reading a magazine while he stuffs wotsits in his face.

Is there not the opportunity to return to work even if it's just part time.
I could have stayed home with dd but made the decision to go back on s part time basis because ad gorgeous as they are you need that break.

That can be a really tough stage.

Does being a SaHM work for you in general, or would you prefer to work? With your DH adjusting his working life to do more with Ds and enable you to work too.

Learning to drive might help in terms of broadening options of things to do. It could also help to brazen out the baby groups in the hope that you'll come across a potential local friend or two!

You say you once had a career, could you go back to work? If there is nothing much to do locally, DS might be bored too, hence the following you around and tantrumming, so maybe a nursery or childminder where he gets to see other children would suit him.

It's hard, but in the situation you've described it won't necessarily get any better. If there is nothing to do nearby and you don't drive, you don't have family support or friends, you are going to have to change things yourself. This could be returning to work, sending DS to childcare a couple of times a week, or finding out about things in further away areas and getting buses or trains.

You sound really down, I hope you find a solution

Learn to drive, use a nursery? In the long term, do find something to do with your time. To some extent, that's why mn is here. A dearth of adult conversation and an absent partner is a recipe for madness (or drink) or both.

Learn to drive, use a nursery? In the long term, do find something to do with your time. To some extent, that's why mn is here. A dearth of adult conversation and an absent partner is a recipe for madness (or drink) or both.

You need ppl! I'm sorry there aren't any good baby groups. I went to 2 at that age plus rhyme time at library. Surely there are other mums in area? Are there any churches you could contact? They normally have groups (it's not religious). I used to have a 2 hour walk in aft which meant they slept. other than that I used to build myself a sort of routine. I'd have story time in the morning, some painting or creative play, water play, about half hour of TV so I could gave a cuppa! It is hard at that age though. Good luck. It does get easier but do try and meet ppl otherwise you'll go mad!

It definitely does get easier and when they get old enough to have a conversation with it totally changes (in my experience). Mine are much older but I still find the first couple of hours in the morning are the toughest part of the day because you're multi-tasking and everyone's tired and grumpy. It's easier said then done, but do try to get out in the fresh air each day, if nothing else it breaks the day up and gives you something to say when people ask 'what have you been up to today?'.

Sounds like it's time for you to go back to work, but go back pt if you can. Pop him in nursery - it's good for him to socially interact. Even if you aren't earning any more than you might spend, it will be good for you and good for him.

YANBU.

How rural are you? I'd keep trying out toddler groups/classes unless you've literally tried them all. Some are better than others, and they do give a bit of structure to the day. And everyone else is just as bored and lonely as you are. Go up to people and start and conversation about something you watched on telly last night. Most people are grateful for it.

Also, summer's coming. Life with a toddler seems much cheerier when you can sit in the sun or walk around not in the pissing rain.

You have to do four things:

Learn to drive (if you're not excluded from driving by a medical condition)
Go to whatever toddler groups are around and make some friends
Go on a bus somewhere at least once a week
Find a job

There is no need to be suffering like this. Toddlers are ridiculously dull and annoying but there are ways to make it better and they are within your reach.

I'd love to go back to work but we live in a rural area without much work, my old career is also pretty specialised and all of the work opportunities are not commutable distances for me. My lack of a driving license is a huge barrier, unfortunately we haven't got the money for me to learn at the moment.

I must admit I had no idea how much hard work a baby would be. I was completely deluded and I have really struggled.

I am not a patient person and he tests me to my absolute limits every day. This is normal I know but fuck I find it so bloody hard.

Oh OP I remember this so well. 9am and thinking OMG, I've already been up for hours and I'm already going insane and I have to fill the whole day...

For me though, I had part-time work so I had the work days to look forward to. I know that sounds awful and of course we love our DC, but anyone would feel oppressed and desperate if they had another person, any other person, or people, making demands on them and following them around and whining 24/7. The fact it's your own DC makes you committed to doing it, but that doesn't make it any less hard. I've always found it so difficult not being able to think to myself for three seconds straight or focus on anything, and work was the only thing that kept me going.

It does get easier once they can entertain themselves for a bit, but that depends on the child. My youngest is 5 and still quite demanding and full-on. I think more urgently you need some time for you. I'd be looking at any kind of work options and nursery so you can have some "adult" days, and also what happens at weekend or when DH is off? He should be taking DS sometimes so you can have a lie-in, go for a coffee or shopping on your own, etc.

Could your mil help out once in a while? Even if it's only to sit with him downstairs while you have a bath and a nap. My children are older but still drive me mad, even just 10 minutes in my bedroom with a book is enough to recharge a bit

you needed keep trying with the toddler/parent classes and generally get out more - library, swimming pool, cafe, park, soft play.

I remember that age and stage very well. being at home all day and just walking out to the shops and back is a recipe for cabin fever.

if you had a career go back to it.

Why do you live rurally if you can't drive and there's no work for you? This isn't a snippy question btw I'm just trying to work out why everything is stacked against you.

You do have money to learn to drive, just get yourself put on the insurance and tell your DH he must teach you. It's madness living rurally with a baby and not being able to drive - what would you do if you needed to get somewhere urgently?

Is there any way you could work in your old career field but freelancing from home? Do you have to live where you are now for DH's work, or could you move? I found entertaining toddlers hard and I live in a city - it must be so much harder in a rural area. Can you have a chat with DH about how hard you're finding it and if there are any changes you could make?

from me.

I have a 15 month old. The way I cope is by working pretty much full time. Sounds heartless but there it is.

This means that when I am with him I love it because I am not stuck with boring, drudgery 24 hours per day.

I'm not saying this would necessarily work for you but can you work part-time? To get back into adult world.

Toddler groups or just meeting up with someone - anyone! - can ease the pain.

When I with ds (15 months) and dd (6, by which time kids are amazing) we go out alot. Parks etc are brilliant for free entertainment.

It Is easier with dc2 as you have the first one for company!

We can't gate the bottom of our staircase as it goes round a corner so being in the house with toddling ds is a nightmare. We have put a tent up jn the garden which is a brilliant safe space - as good as soft play.

Have you tried baby sign? I have heard good things. I haven't done it myself but have found that using some signals and deciphering patterns in ds' babble helps. He doesn't talk either in any intelligible way, which was a surprise to me having hard a very verbal dd first.

Cabin fever is definitely right. I'm climbing the walls by 9AM then it's time for his nap. He won't sleep on the go, so we're stuck inside for 2 sodding naps a day and he wakes up at the crack of sparrow fart so bedtime is always before 7pm. He's an overtired mess if I do it any other way.

In-laws are a 2 hour drive away, my family 40 mins drive (and not interested, sadly).

They keep closing the groups in our area because of a lack of funding. We went to one 2 weeks ago and a woman asked me how old DS was, when I told her she said "oh is he not walking yet? Is he a bit slow or something?" I was so upset I couldn't wait to escape.

We moved from another area about a year ago and the groups there were amazing. I made some nice friends, wish we hadn't moved so far away now.

I feel really resentful that I gave up so much and I'm always questioning whether I did the right thing. Unfortunately we're stuck here, DH job, mortgage. I really wish I'd thought it through.

DS is a very high needs and has been from birth. At one point he would scream every second day and night unless he was held constantly. He hates being a baby I think.

What time does your dh leave the house and return? Maybe it would be easier to put baby on a different schedule so he wakes later and stays up later. Then your dh can help with the later times. So if he is home at 6pm, I would be putting baby to bed at 10pm, so he wakes 9-10am, plus late afternoon nap say 4-5.30pm. Then you don't have him awake alone for 12 hrs, but more like 9hrs max, 7/8hrs if he naps.
Then you can parent together 6-10pm. Eat later together, etc.

Get a bike with child's seat so you can cycle further places.

You need to get out daily also.

Def look into working again even if part time

I feel exactly the same, but am now looking for a job to keep my sanity. I won't earn much at all after child care is paid for, but I can't be a good mum when I am so bored. It's helped that he now goes to childminder twice a week, 4 hours each time. It's perked me up lots just to have a little break. I hope you find some changes you can make to help you, or learn to drive a scooter or something to get to work xx

You need to meet people as other posters have said. There is a really good Meet A Mum section on The Other Website which I used before I defected to MN. I met some lovely people through there.