To be utterly bored to tears by 9AM every bloody day!

[EffThis]

NC - MIL is a lurker and knows my regular username.

I am a SAHM with 1 DS (15 months). DH works full time, long hours. Whilst DS is an utter delight he is also a pain in the backside handful. He isn't walking yet and has very few words so the poor mite is a ball of frustration. He cries and whines. A LOT.

Whilst I love him dearly I do not enjoy day to day life looking after him, the constant need, tantrums, teething, sleepless nights (STILL) and to top it off he's the world's pickiest eater (think 3 foods on rotation).

I am just utterly, utterly bored with the drudgery of it all and often find myself grinding my teeth with despair/resentment by 9AM every day. The days drag into weeks and months, long days with nothing to fill them except a walk to the shops and back (I don't drive).

Sometimes a day feels like a lifetime and I can't even take a shit without the toddler clinging onto my legs and wailing because he can't eat the toilet paper/bog brush.

I have no friends locally, the baby groups are sparse and unfriendly, family are too busy to help out and I don't see DH until much later in the evening when DS has already gone to bed. I am so lonely I could weep.

When does it get better? Am I being unreasonable to expect life to be any different with a small child?

I had a career and a life once, now I no longer even feel like I even exist.

Driving must be your priority, even over a family holiday or other treats I think. Without it you will continue to go bonkers and put a bigger risk on the family unit eg DH having to take time off, moving to another area etc. With a licenses everyone quality of life will improve and you can also look at work. Affording lessons is another thing though so DH has to be on side with paying as a priority and even a loan and selling spree to achieve this for you. He needs to understand what you've compromised and how this is some way to evening up the score ....

I have a 2.2 year old and 9 month old and I totally understand what you are feeling. Luckily we get out to softplay/music class/toddler group every day else I would lose my marbles. They are also early birds so I knackered by 9. I then get out at 9/10ish and the rest of the morning flies by. I would be really tempted to learn to drive so you get out to more activities.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, usually when they start approaching 4ish.

I know how you feel. I went thro the same 13 years ago. I started going to mums and tots but that was so materialistic and competitive. I managed to get a little job in an office which paid the nursery fees and left me just about enough for tea and cake out with the little one on a Saturday. More importantly tho it gave me a break from the constant demands of the little one.

His schedule is a big problem for us being able to do morning activities. He's usually awake by 5-5.30 and no amount of coaxing will get him back to sleep. He occasionally sleeps until 6AM but that is exceptional.

I've tried everything to get him on a later schedule so we can get out of the house for morning groups but it hasn't worked. I even spent some money we couldn't really afford on a sleep consultant who later concluded he was 'just an early riser' she basically admitted that there was nothing she could do. Some kids just wake up early.

I keep reading that it gets better around 3-4 years of age and we're not even half way there yet.

DOOM!

I expect your DS is as bored as you are, OP. Both of you need friends and activities.

OP you need to fake it till you make it with the other mums. You're assuming they're from here and all cliquey. They might be or they might be really sad and isolated and don't know how to reach out beyond the ones they already know. They might be bosom buddies from school or they might secretly hate each other and need new blood! Don't assume group of mums = great and exclusive friends.

Just keep going every day. Mention the weather, ask about clubs, comment on their DCs cuteness - anything to become a slightly more familiar face. I know it's tough when you're down but this is how you break through.

I do feel your pain Eff.

I haven't got any different advice to all the lovely posts here, but i did want to say i feel the same about the groups. I think i was (am?) suffering from a bit of PND, and during the winter i found myself, like you, dreading days at home, but making excuses not to go out.

There is one baby group in our village, one morning a week. I knew about it, but kept putting it off and putting it off, and then my elderly neighbor asked me if i knew about it and if i'd been (it's her friend that runs it) and that she'd tell her friend to look out for me. Then i felt obliged

Soooo ... it took me a couple of weeks of more putting it off; and then one Tuesday i thought 'i'm gonna bloody do it tomorrow!' Tomorrow came. I thought about chickening out; but nervously i went.

And it was shut! Half term!

I did go the week after. It was ok. I never went back a second time though. I just felt so weird there. I think i'm going to have to wait till i go back to PT work to make friends again. I seem to make friends easily in a more random setting. So that's in about 3 years then

Bonsoir - God yes he is so bored. I feel like a terrible mother sometimes, I definitely lack imagination when it comes to finding things for him to do. I honestly thought it would be easier by now because he would be walking but he isn't.

When I take him out he just nags to come out of the pushchair but he can't because he's not walking yet. I let him have a good crawl around the park earlier.

It wasn't much but it was a start I guess.

I really do wish I could just make 1 nice friend locally it would make such a difference, I have struggled with it here for almost a year. At first I really tired hard then as time went on and nobody seemed to want to include me I just lost interest.

Gosh I feel for you. I have a great NCT group but I still often find the day dragging by 9am!

My DS is now 2.5 and miles easier than he was at 15-18 months, that was really hard. Things got easier when he started to walk at 18 months as parks, short walks, got more interesting for him and by 2 he could 'play' properly (eg do painting without causing carnage and understand puzzles/games etc) I used to get by (still do!) by having a planned morning and afternoon activity - morning might be a group or library or even just supermarket trip, afternoon might be at home but I'd plan to do something simple like painting leaves or putting up his play tent. Probably bad parenting but often if he's up stupidly early we will sit him in bed with us with YouTube and digger videos / CBeebies iPlayer!

Can your DH work from home at all? Even if he could do a day a week at least you'd have someone to talk to / have lunch with! Is there a town/village Facebook group? These are good for keeping up to date with what's going on in the area.

Remember that your DS needs other DC just as much as you need friends but that your DS doesn't necessarily need friends exactly his own age - it would be fine for him to tag along with older DC if you liked their mother!

I think you also need to think about activities for you not just you and your baby. I think you need to establish your new life in your new town and that involves making some acquaintances that will hopefully turn into friends (I am TERRIBLE at making new friends, so I never set that goal, I just look for people that I can have a semi interesting conversation with) If you tried a gym class or evening classes or something then you might end up meeting some people that you like, they may have kids, they may not, but it will help you feel more at home in a new place, and hopefully increase your confidence to seek out more 'mum/dad' friends.

You've done well to get to 15 months, I got to 5 months and went back to work pt. Suddenly some semblance of normality returned. I had a break, I had different things to think about. I got out the house regularly. I completely underestimated how much better I would feel, work was my salvation. I worked for nothing for two years to fund nursery. Yes, Iit does get easier, but far too slowly for me. All those days, weeks and months dragging by. Even at 3 and 4 when they are adorable I would have gone potty at home all day. Think long term. Is moving a possibility? Learning to drive at the least? Living rurally with no transport and young DC is a recipe for disaster. Don't let your DH put your off, unless he is willing to swap roles with you your say is uppermost. And for goodness sake, don't get pregnant again until some of these issues have been addressed.

Is he standing/cruising at all? We used to empty DD's brick trolley and sling it over the handles of the pram, and then let her cruise around on the grass in the park. The longer grass stopped the trolley running away with her too fast and she came on in leaps and bounds. You need to bring baby wipes or keep a sharp eye out for dog poo though !

Alright Effthis - you could bite the bullet today and give a general location so someone could pm you? You might well find that there's a localish mum in a similar position but with access to a car who could come to you? Usual warnings about meeting up with strangers apply [not at your home initially etc] but it's an option unless you are so madly rural that you are instantly identifiable.

Basically it is not natural at all to spend all day with a baby or toddler...humans evolved to live in tribes and small communities !! That's how we lived for tens of thousands of years until lonely post industrial society came along....

Whatever you do it should be focused on getting adult company for you....or you will go mad...

How about putting up a note in local cafe and getting some mums together with similar age kids?

You could start by applying for your drivers learning permit and sitting the test? Your husband can't give you a lesson until you have that and it's v easy to put a baby in the back of a car for a naptime on a weekend?

What a horrible lot of mums.. I always make the effort to chat to people and be approachable..
When my second ds was that age I stayed in a lot because I couldn't be arsed to go anywhere as my routine was similar to yours. It does change and it's easier to go to go somewhere for the morning then home for lunch and a nap. Til then I used to keep rotating his toys so he didn't get bored and I watched some good films and TV. Babies don't care what's on the TV so you can watch what you want!!

Oh I know that feeling of turning up at a playgroup and its shut / cancelled / only one person there. It's depressing. Could you try advertising on mumsnet local or another website to see if there are any mums near you who want to meet up? There must be some nice people within a ten mile radius - I'm sure if you keep persisting you will find someone.

Could you even approach other mums in the playground saying that you are new to the area and could they recommend any groups? Most people would find it hard to be completely unfriendly bastards in that situation.

Op I haven't read any replies just your opening post. I would have gone crazy without my car when mine were toddlers. Many more options of where to go and what to do. Could you invest in driving lessons?

OP
Can you get to the big Olympiad Leisure Centre ?
At least take him swimming ?
Get a push bike and a seat on the back - summer is coming and you'll both get fit and fresh air

I hated the cabin crazy stage

Sorry dont have time to read the thread.

If you contact adult education they'll be able to tell what classes are free and provide a free creche also I attended these every time we moved areas when the children were young and have made many close friends. I'm currently learning to drive at the moment and it cost me less than £5 to be added in to my DH car insurance as a learner.

Bike with child seat!!! There is so much to do with a toddler! Park, farm, walks, craft, cooking, paddling pool, sand pit....

I feel so much sympathy!!!

Has he got blackout blinds in his room? Is the daylight waking him up at 5am? I'd make his room PITCH black, and start him on the Gina Ford routine now.

Then I'd go on Mumsnet Local and Netmums, to the "meet a mum" section where other mums ask to meet up.

Then I'd have a MASSIVE glass of wine.

Chippenham museum does free toddler activities on Monday and Fridays

Op I used to feel like you when I had my first dc, maybe my old routine might give you some ideas.
5am dc wake and I would give some toys for her to play with on our bed for as long as she could manage while I dozed. When she had had enough I would make breakfast. After breakfast wash up then both have a bath or shower and get dressed. Then I would do all the chores and pack a baby bag up and by 9am we would be out the house. Either on a walk, or to the park, or a bus ride to the library. Or the one toddler group I could just about tolerate! Then we would come home, I would prepare the eveing meal and also make lunch and then we would eat. Toddler would have nap and I would have two hours just for me to either nap, watch TV or do anything I wanted like learn to knit, do a course for future work etc. then after nap time I would set up some toys or crafts for toddler and if I got bored of this I would put grown up TV on and knit! When dc was a baby they would lay on the mat staring at TV and when older just played with toys while I watched TV. Then it would be time for dinner. Then after cleaning up we would go on a long walk as a family and then dc would be asleep and we would transfer into cot. I think all the walking kept me sane! It may not be for everyone but it helped me. And by age 3 it is so much easier I decided to have another!! And second time it is so different as you have company from the older child. I did feel guilty about watching daytime TV in the late afternoons but it kept me sane!!