To be utterly bored to tears by 9AM every bloody day!

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NC - MIL is a lurker and knows my regular username.

I am a SAHM with 1 DS (15 months). DH works full time, long hours. Whilst DS is an utter delight he is also a pain in the backside handful. He isn't walking yet and has very few words so the poor mite is a ball of frustration. He cries and whines. A LOT.

Whilst I love him dearly I do not enjoy day to day life looking after him, the constant need, tantrums, teething, sleepless nights (STILL) and to top it off he's the world's pickiest eater (think 3 foods on rotation).

I am just utterly, utterly bored with the drudgery of it all and often find myself grinding my teeth with despair/resentment by 9AM every day. The days drag into weeks and months, long days with nothing to fill them except a walk to the shops and back (I don't drive).

Sometimes a day feels like a lifetime and I can't even take a shit without the toddler clinging onto my legs and wailing because he can't eat the toilet paper/bog brush.

I have no friends locally, the baby groups are sparse and unfriendly, family are too busy to help out and I don't see DH until much later in the evening when DS has already gone to bed. I am so lonely I could weep.

When does it get better? Am I being unreasonable to expect life to be any different with a small child?

I had a career and a life once, now I no longer even feel like I even exist.

I can sympathise.

When your day starts at 5, 9 am doesn't feel early, but it is!

Just sounds as if the life of a SAHM with a small toddler is just not for you. I'd get a part time job and a childminder even if you just break even. But try and have things you do on different days. Like Wednesdays go to toddler group. Although that's not for everyone either as some are really chaotic and noisy. Hope things work out.

Stupid woman at the group! very normal to not be walking at 15 months. One of mine didn't walk until 19 months. She's the 'slow' one for being such an idiot.

Don't let one idiot put you off. There may be another mum at the group who is in the same position as you, you could take turns to host coffee mornings (horrible phrase but I can't think of anything better!) at each others houses. Having a good whinge over coffee while the kids play together is very cathartic

You can meet some dickheads at toddler groups. But you can't let that put you off. Having a high needs baby is really really tough but staying at home with them all day isn't an option - it's not good for either of you. I had one easy and one high needs baby but I enjoyed being a SAHM in general because I got out every single day. Even if you just go for a walk, go to a park, take a bus ride somewhere, you need to get out of the house.

What was the motivation for moving to where you are now?

We moved here because the houses were cheaper. We got a very good buy. Stupid really but practical.

The major concern I have with work is that I could only get a low paying job around here which would only just cover childcare. He's been ill a lot too so worried he'd be sent home a lot and we'd have to pay the childcare fee and I'd have to take time off work.

I've tried talking to the other Mums but they are very cliquey. I make an effort to be nice, dress well, be polite but they don't seem to want to know. All local people who know each other well and don't want to get to know an outsider.

I feel like I'm wishing time away. I'll probably regret it one day.

Not necessarily. Staying at home with children is simply not fun unless you make it fun. The only option really is to learn to drive asap - make an absolute priority.

Get a part time job, even if its not in your former field, take it as a chance to learn about something completely different, (or consultancy if your previous field was specialised - I say consultancy really blithely as I know that's hard work to set up) - but even just a little bit to do something with your brain.

Even without a baby living where you are sounds hard without driving and getting to know new people is hard anywhere. Sounds like you could do even with putting him in nursery and doing something completely different while he's there. Lack of money is a bugger....

It sounds as if you haven't lived in this area long. Did you move to a rural area because you thought it would be better for kids than town? I've seen other people do that and regret it and at least they could drive.

If your DH does long hours and you're mainly housebound could you not speak to him about possibly moving to a town where there are job opportunities and a bigger pool of friends to choose from? Also as someone else said in the meantime ask him to give you driving lessons.

I totally understand what you mean about the 9am thing. I love DD but couldn't wait to go back to work.

I always found (and still do) that getting out is best – even if he won't nap, what's the worst that could happen? He'll scream and whinge, but he does that anyway right? If I have to entertain kids all day on my own, I try to plan a big trip – if you can get a bus, can you explore towns and cities you don't know well, beach if near enough, look for interesting parks, free attractions, etc. I reckon he will nap in the buggy if he gets tired enough, and if you can get him doing that you'll have more freedom.

What that woman said to you was crap, it's perfectly normal to be not yet walking at 15mo. Not all toddler groups are like that, but when you meet someone like that you just have to remember that they are insecure and feel a need to be competitive - ignore.

Good suggestions on here. I would also change his routine so that he is awake more in the evening rather than the morning. Also try not to worry about making him have his sleeps at home - that way madness lies imo.

Good idea re bicycle with seat.

He is not slow re walking. I know lots who didn't walk til 18 months. It is quite fun once they do walk though as they can play more different games.

Mums can be cliquey especially if you look desperate for company. Being breezy and giving the impression that you would be doing them a favour to include them in your amazing world (in a nice way!) helps.

And we all know the feeling that no time is passing while stuck with toddler in the house!

Just a sympathy post from me. You are at a hard, hard stage. I remember it well. Up until ds1 was at nursery at 2 and a half, was the hardest two years of my life by a million miles. I found it much easier with ds2 and ds3 I think partly because I had got into the routine of it, and partly because we had a structure to the day with school runs etc for ds1. It made it much easier. Hang in there, it'll get better.

Yes we thought this area would be nice because it has some good schools. It's actually a very nice area, parks, a small town centre but surrounded by countryside. Everybody drives. Houses are very affordable and as first time buyers we were completely priced out of the place we lived before.

Money is a huge problem for us. We don't have any debt (apart from mortgage) but we're just keeping our heads above the water. We don't have much left over at the end of a month and DH salary wouldn't stretch to any childcare at the moment.

I'm not sure how much of my problem is due to my lack of motivation. I've become very despondent, sometimes the thought of leaving the house overwhelms me so much I can't cope. When I do manage to coordinate everything and get us out it doesn't feel worth the effort.

I'm stuck in a right old bloody rut.

This stage wont last long OP. Nothing lasts for ever and nothing ever stays the same.

Once he is walking and talking you will be able to interact with him and things will seem much less like just a caring role.

Give it a year and things will feel different. I know that sounds like an eternity when you've been up with a 15 month old since 5 and it's still only half past 10, but it will pass.

(i've been up since 5 with my 16 month old. SAHM, rural like you) WHere are you OP?

The job I had after my first child only covered the cost of childcare and a car for me. I simply could not live without a car.

Can you have one driving lesson a week, on the weekend so dh has ds. It's about £25 a lesson I think. Should take 2O ish weeks to learn to drive. You could get a loan for a cheap small car and to set it up with tax and insurance and then you'd have more choice work wise. Within six months you could be in a different position. Good time to do it now, so you're not spending another winter stuck in the house.

My DS is now 14 months old abc when I hit the stage of resentment I did two thing to save my sanity:

I returned to work three days a week and I bought a play pen so I could pop DS in it which meant I could do things around the house without him either clinging to me or needing all of my attention.

X posted. Really can empathise. Have to go to get DD up. Nap over!

Can you afford to learn to drive? lack of car would not work for me. I went out daily with dd - drove 30 mins to a pre school music class etc. it's the stuck in ness that will be making everything seem worse.

I understand what you mean about people being closed off at toddler groups. In our old area there weren't many incomers and people didn't seem interested in making new friends.

15 months is a hard age. My dd walked at almost 16months and it was v hard to entertain her as she wanted to crawl all the time.

Have a look slightly further afield for groups. Is there a bus or could you cycle? Try libraries, church groups etc. Once there and if you meet someone who seems nice, suggest meeting up for coffee or a trip to the park. I found it excruciating trying to make friends but you have to put yourself out there a bit. Make the first move so to speak.

Is rural living with very limited job options and little money a good idea for you? Houses can be sold and you could move into another area with more jobs and good schools.

Be careful about putting too much store on DH's job, sapecially if it's low paid anyway and it's turning out that being at home isn't good for you. Your employment options matter too.

YANBU at all. I have 3, and was always grateful to go back to work (part time) as it gave me adult contact, and made me appreciate the time that I did spend with the wee ones. I couldn't understand why people dreaded the age 2…that's when kids become fun . It does get easier.

But it sounds like you have some long term and short term issues here. Short term- you need some adult company NOW! It might be worth persisting with the unfriendly sparse baby groups. It's hard…but often the other mums have their own issues and might be having just as hard a time as you. Especially if they are in the same situation as you! It becomes easier to strike up conversation as time goes on. I remember when I had my first being put off as places seemed unfriendly and didn't go back for months when really, I wish I'd just stuck it out as I made some really good friends, and so did my kids (8 year old still has mates from toddler group!).

Long term…do you want to go back to work? After I had DS1 DH said that the mental benefit of me going to work was so great that it didn't matter if we didn't have any money left after deducting childcare from my wages . At points I've not been able to continue with my career due to the kids ages, but I've just done ANYTHING. I worked in a shop at the weekend for 2 years whilst DH looked after kids. OK it meant we saw each other less, but it was a break from the drudgery, I had to look smart and I got to do something other than look after kids, so it was worth it.

Also- are you really living in an area that meets all your needs? Do you want to stay where you are? Or would you want to move somewhere where you can get around independently and have more social and work opportunities?

Stupid no bloody nasty women at the play group. People these days think they can say what ever they feel like. Not surprised you didn't go back there.
Just supposed to coin her phrase you son was "a bit slow". How would that have made you feel.
People really do have far too much to say. While at the same time saying fuck all.

I think the problem is the area you live in and not driving. There's lots to do with small children during the day...

Swimming
Baby groups
Library
Cafe
Soft play
Walks in the park
Gym
Picnics
Shopping trips
Museums

But...you need to live in the right area to access all these things. Being stuck at home is mind numbing for anyone!

This is a hard stage and you sound like you are getting depressed. Somehow you need to be getting out more - to work or socialising - because that is the only thing that gets you through the day.

I appreciate that's not easy, so you need to start considering things you wouldn't usually countenance. Could you get a job (any job), take in a lodger (use the money for driving lessons), take on a voluntary role with a local good cause, join the WI or go out with the local ramblers or get on one of the weird and wacky courses that pop up now and then that offer childcare or allow you to bring children (medicinal herbs, Women and Literature, anything really).

I remember that feeling of paralysis well. Breaking through it, even if its to do something daft that you ultimately find you don't enjoy can help you find things that do make life better.

Do you think you might be depressed? Your last post makes it sound as if that's a possibility. I have had periods of depression and that's how it makes me feel. Bored with everything but unable to motivate myself to do anything about it. It seems easier to stay in the house in my comfort zone than make an effort to go out. I would speak with your GP or health visitor. Perhaps the HV may know of groups or activities you haven't yet discovered.