To be utterly bored to tears by 9AM every bloody day!

[EffThis]

NC - MIL is a lurker and knows my regular username.

I am a SAHM with 1 DS (15 months). DH works full time, long hours. Whilst DS is an utter delight he is also a pain in the backside handful. He isn't walking yet and has very few words so the poor mite is a ball of frustration. He cries and whines. A LOT.

Whilst I love him dearly I do not enjoy day to day life looking after him, the constant need, tantrums, teething, sleepless nights (STILL) and to top it off he's the world's pickiest eater (think 3 foods on rotation).

I am just utterly, utterly bored with the drudgery of it all and often find myself grinding my teeth with despair/resentment by 9AM every day. The days drag into weeks and months, long days with nothing to fill them except a walk to the shops and back (I don't drive).

Sometimes a day feels like a lifetime and I can't even take a shit without the toddler clinging onto my legs and wailing because he can't eat the toilet paper/bog brush.

I have no friends locally, the baby groups are sparse and unfriendly, family are too busy to help out and I don't see DH until much later in the evening when DS has already gone to bed. I am so lonely I could weep.

When does it get better? Am I being unreasonable to expect life to be any different with a small child?

I had a career and a life once, now I no longer even feel like I even exist.

YANBU, being eyeball to eyeball with a whining brat and no friends in a town where you know no-one is just a hideous way to live.

Get yourself a bike with childseat if you can and get out along the river. Go to cafes parks etc and engage other mums in conversation. Try the baby groups, especially if there is anything attached to the school you are considering. If you don't like the groups there are, start one!
Baby swimming lessons, baby music, NCT, library story time, whatever you can find. The aim is to meet other SAHMs who you can enjoy spending time with and whose kids your ds can tag along to. Being surrounded by slightly older kids will probably do wonders for his development. Have you ever been religious? A good church is a great instant social network. Find yourself a project other than housework for when he's asleep, whether it's freelancing, painting, jobhunting, learning a new skill or whatever. Leave ds with dh one night a week and join something- a choir, drama group, political party, just something with grownups.
I think you need to see making a life for you and ds in Chippenham as a project, just as much as the physical bit of moving house is. Give it a year, and if you still hate the place, move!

I also think that you need to be assertive in assuming that your son is a human being who is or should be welcome in society, don't assume that you have to stay in the mother and baby ghetto. There's loads going on at the Cause, Chippenham has all sorts of festivals, why not go to everything and take him along? Worst that can happen is you might need to leave an event with a screaming toddler. So what?

Hi OP

I am a member of a local mums FB group which has listings about what's on and sometimes people post and ask are there meet ups etc.

Ive just had a quick look and there is a group in your area, it hit be worth posting on there you have a baby age x months and don't drive any ideas about things to do or local meet ups and groups?

I would hope the super cliquey ones wouldn't bother with a group like that and maybe you can meet up with some likeminded peoole, there MUST be other people in the same boat around.

I would recommend a baby carrier where you can wear ds on your back. I often go for a bit of a walk, and find spots where dd can have a crawl. Pack a light bag with some snacks and nappy change and you could be out for a couple of hours.

Yanbu

You either need to find some friends or go back to work

Op how Are things now?

I don't know many mothers who would love this stage, day in day out. You need an outlet that's just for you.

What's your passion? What do you really enjoy doing? Starting a blog or online business might work if you're super rural/isolated?

Op I could've written your post, the only difference is that I drive and ds eats more than myself and dh. He'd eat poop if you let him! Reading what you've written has turned me into a fit of giggles (which rarely happens these days) as you sound just like me! We live in a tiny village, with one shop, in the middle of no-where. My much longed for 12 mo ds is an extremely hard work, grumpy, demanding little shit. He had a temper at weeks old - Ive never known a baby like it! Oh and he's been teething permanently since 12 weeks!

Going out in the car to do 'things' (things = random crap to fill the day) does make it easier.

The day I returned to work when ds was 6 months was the same day I found out we'are expecting again (Jan 2016). I never thought I'd be doing it all over again.

I have no advice but I feel EXACTLY the same about being on eternity leave with 11 month old DS. It's mind numbingly dull, and utterly frustrating when he's having a whiney day. Many many and unmumsnetty hugs for you, OP.

Have you thought about a weekend of evening job?

Ha! Should read "maternity" leave, not "eternity" leave, though it has really felt like an eternity! Autocorrect being unusually apt for a change.

Do you want to return to work? Will your DH facilitate that? (He should if it's what you want).

Btw, it does get better. With dd1 and dd2 the days were do fecking long and boring. Working helped. They are nearly 14 and 11 now.

I also have a 6 and nearly 3 year old. School runs break up the days, also as they get older they can are nice to chat to.

Zombies thread

Mine started walking at 15 months and I was getting sick if the constant 'isn't he walking yet?' comments.
Once he started walking he changed from a clingy baby to an independent toddler and I started to enjoy him much more and it was easier to entertain him because I could go to the park or soft play. He also started sleeping much better as he would tire himself out.

When I took ds to nursery for the first time at 2.5 I found there were lots of children his age whose mums I had never met and lived nearby and even more when he got to Reception. Partly because they had older children and never went to play groups or partly because some worked parttime and had "missed" me on the social events locally. I used to joke, that if only I had hung around a school or nursery before my child actually went there I would have met loads of other sympathetic mums with children the same age (and older children of course) Anyone with a pre-school age child adores being invited over for a cup of tea and a chance for their toddler to play in someone else's house. Could you try that?My best friend had a child a whole school year older, and she was my passport to a social life.

Personally I could never had got through the day without a lot of social interaction, and places to visit where there were other grownups to talk to, and I think babies get terribly bored just talking to one person.

I just took 2 weeks off to have the babies. It works well. It's not for no reason that parents in all eras and times have had others help with their children from the slaves the Romans used to the 1m Victorian servants and it is not for no reason that childcare and cleaning are the lowest paid work in the UK. It's common sense. Get back to work and all is well. I earned 10x more than my children's father. It rocks.

Other suggestions are to get on the bus and go for farflung journeys occasionally...your ds won't mind and if your husband works long hours it doesn't matter how late you get back does it? There must be one bus to your area at least? Take buggy and go on an adventure, nothing to lose, and its a particularily beautiful time of year. PS I didn't drive when my ds was small so everywhere was bus.

oh dear, it is Xenia I think..

pay no attention to her.

How possible would it be to do a correspondence course/on line training in something? Would you get a chance to do that for a couple of hours a day (does he manage a few hours daytime sleep?). I think if you had a focus on something every day that might help. I feel for you, sounds as if loneliness is a big thing here and I sympathise. What about a local church group?

Sorry you feel like this. I made friends on mummysocial.com and now there's 6 of us in the same village who are great friends

I think what you describe is absolutely normal to be honest. There's a difference between loving your child and loving child-care. I suggest looking into getting back into work - it is also always a very good thing to keep as much financial independence as possible.

yep - another vote for normal - and hellish - I hated this age and I was PG and then with a new born and a 22 month old - it gets better

I almost miss it now my eldest 2 are teens and I never see them :(

It's hard. I agree with learning to drive. It's an investment in your happiness. I have a 1 year old and a 3 year old with a DH who spends a lot of time abroad. I know I couldn't cope without the car to take them places and a job 3 days per week.

I sympathise OP

No wonder your feeling so fed up OP,I'm in Reading and everything is really close by here,we are very lucky.

With the problems you've been having with DS going on from since he was born have you tried a cranial osteopath?I had to go down that route with oldest DS19 he never slept at all till he was 2 years old and by then I was 7 months pregnant with second DS.It worked wonders for him it really did,back then it was a logistics nightmare because the nearest one for us was London,now cranial osteopathy is widely available and some areas you can receive the treatment through the NHS.

You said you've tried Toddler groups have you tried any local libraries,leisure centers,museums?You might find other Mum's at those places in the same situation as yourself looking for other Mum's to become friends with.

Also have you got a surestart within your area?They're usually great places to meet other parents and they organize days out,locally and further afield for things like fruit picking,theme parks,sea side trips,they also hold things like messy play,toddler groups,cookery clases and they usually have a creche in place as well and run courses that are for the parents whilst the LO's are looked after in the creche.The things they offer are subsidised as well so usually quite cheap.