to ask what silly lies you tell to keep up appearances?

[Penfolds5]

I pretend to like films with subtitles, but in reality I find them hard to read and would go for bad dubbing/a Cameron Diaz romcom any day.

I've also been known to switch my radio from Smooth FM to Radio 4 or 6 when someone's coming over.

I told the woman in the charity shop that the pile of baby clothes I bought were for a friend's newborn, when in fact they were for DS's baby doll.

My fiancé often says he's working overtime when we're invited to things we don't to go to. As we only have one car that he uses for work it means they can't expect me to go on my own either.

None of our friends know our parents are helping pay for our wedding because they all paid for their own and I know they'd judge us. We're going for a village hall affair anyway so it won't be hugely obvious as it's feasible for us to saved up for it.

No-one other than my fiancé and the solicitor knows how much my parents gave me for a deposit on my house and everyone thinks we have a joint mortgage together when the house actually belongs to my mum and I.

I say 'I've never really wanted to get married'

When actually I would have liked Dp to have asked

This is a fabulous thread (I'm not lying honest). I've got loads..

I've got a top I really like which recently got an ink stain on it. I keep wearing it and acting all surprised that it's got a stain on and pretending it happened that day.

I am always deliberately vague about what I do for a living because I don't think people would take me seriously if they knew!

Intrigued Onyxia, what is it you do?!

We live on an RAF station. The "officer/soldier divide" is very prominent here. So when I go to the baby group that's absolutely chocka block with officers wives I feel very "common"....and find myself enunciating my "aitches" much more (think Audrey Hepburn in my Fair Lady)

I call this 'accidental lying' I have total form for accidentally telling strangers random lies.

Once (when I still smoked) I told a hairdresser who was colouring my hair that I was trying to quit. I wasn't. No idea why!

Told an employee at the post office a long convoluted story about going on holiday with my girlfriends, where, how long etc instead of just telling her that I needed the guidance leaflet for a project at uni.

I pretend to dh that I haven't sleep well on occasion to cover for the fact I don't want to get up early on Sundays and go walking/swimming/shopping etc. Thats about it, I give zero fucks what people think of me! A plus of getting old! I cared far too much when I was younger.

I swap my Ada bags for Harrods's when unloading shopping from my car boot. I often shout very loudly to DS from the garden, "Not too much caviar, darling!". I have a variety of 'I Love New York' etc hats and airport luggage tags for my return from our day trip to Rhyl.

I've had four glorious years of wiggling out of summer social engagements with the excuse that the DSSs are doing exams and need us at home a lot. I will need to invent a new story next year!

My hearing is pretty rubbish and often I don't catch what people say to me. Sometimes I just can't be bothered to get them to keep repeating themselves, so I just nod sagely at whatever it is they are saying. Have been caught out on several occasions

I'm pretty shy and sometimes I don't have the mental energy to engage in chit chat on the school run, so I will time my leaving the house down to the last minute so I don't have to stand in the playground for too long.

I keep my rom com habit under wraps.

I hide my copies of Grazia underneath the Elle Decoration.

When people ask me why I had a c-section for my first baby, I lie and say he was breech. The truth is he was in perfect position but no progress, I could have been induced but didn't want to go through with it as he had a massive head. But can't be bothered dealing with peoples comments.. Breech = end of conversation!

I work in sales. Nuff said?

I pretend that, when I've run myself ragged to clean and tidy for people coming, my house always looks that way and apologise for "the huge mess as I haven't had time to tidy up".

I pretend we have 4 bedrooms instead of 3, To achieve this we had to cut a hole in a wall and nail a fake door in to the hole.

Never ever. I know I'm right and once the planet accepts my views it will be a better place so let them bow down and learn rather than my pretend I am different from how I am which would lead them down the wrong path.

I don't do this but I often feel like it.. Pretending I own rather than rent so I can faux complain about house prices and discuss my extension in endless detail

I wind the car windows up when the Archers theme tune comes on. I tidy only as far as I think guests will see. (Downstairs for adults; up to the kids' bedrooms for parents whose kids always have to be dragged away; our room at the top of the house: never). If I overtake someone on my bike I have to keep that speed up, even if it's killing me. Similarly I only ever go in the slow lane at the pool. I'd far rather be the fastest in the slow lane than hold things up in the medium.

I pretend I let my kids eat more junk food than they actually do.

Do you think you're friends/family are going to gossip about you listening to Smooth Radio?

I know my family would gossip about that!

I've been known to leave certain books lying around when certain people visit. Usually ones I buy because I feel I ought to read, then realise they are boring by page 2.

Also, if I know someone's coming round I'll bake bread, then pretend it's something I do daily, even though I work full time.

I tell people that I send my DC to a school an hours bus ride away, instead of any of the perfectly good schools in our town because it's Catholic, and there's no Catholic school in our town anymore. In reality, it's because the schools pastoral care is "second to none" - and the SN provision is brilliant for my DC with ASD & dyslexia.

I pretend I have a really high metabolism, and can eat what I like. Although, these days it's obviously not true.

mainly pretending to be normal takes all my energy!

I also pretend that I no longer breast feed my 23 month old and that he sleeps in his own bed.

One more, I used to pretend my education had got as far as my A Levels, as I got pregnant as soon as I left school, so only got as far as my GCSE's.

The team I managed got wind of me not having a degree, and got a petition together to get me sacked, ad they felt I wasn't qualified to manage them - my 10 years of experience counted for nothing apparently. So I stuck two fingers up at them, announced I had no A Levels even, and if they ever acted so unprofessionally again, I would take disciplinary action and fire them.

Bastards