to ask what silly lies you tell to keep up appearances?

[Penfolds5]

I pretend to like films with subtitles, but in reality I find them hard to read and would go for bad dubbing/a Cameron Diaz romcom any day.

I've also been known to switch my radio from Smooth FM to Radio 4 or 6 when someone's coming over.

[HellKitty]

I watch TOWIE when everyone is out. I download then delete and it's my seedy little secret. Only DP caught one on the planner I'd forgotten to delete and asked me what I was watching that shite for - I told him I watch it for makeup tips.

WTF was I thinking!!!?!

[CatthiefKeith]

I don't think shitting in the street or picking my nose at my desk is quite the same as pretending to be someone I'm not though whitecandles.

Maybe I'm just weird.

[riverboat1]

I think it's a characteristic of very forthright/thick-skinned people that they can't begin to imagine how it feels to be thin-skinned or why on earth you would care what anyone else thinks of you. And they conclude it's silliness or out and out dishonesty to tell this kind of white lie.

[CatthiefKeith]

Forthright/thick skinned people - that just means rude, loud and tactless doesn't it?

[LetThereBeCupcakes]

On my first day in my job I was in the kitchen and somebody came up to me and said "Oh! You must be Becky!" and began chatting with me. My name is not Becky but the opportunity to correct her never arose, and as it's a bit office building (about 800 people in all), I didn't think it would matter. of course it turned out I would be working closely with her. 12 years later and she still calls me Becky. I feel the time to correct her has passed!

I tell people DS doesn't sleep through the night so I go to bed early to counteract his numerous night wakings. He rarely wakes in the night (any more) and I go to bed at 9pm because I want to.

There are so, so many...

[DeladionInch]

I use several short words when I know there's a better longer one available, and often lol on Facebook. I give the game away when angry - the swear words vanish and the vocabulary gets and airing

[TheEggityOddity]

Yes Lightas actually, I pretend to like woodland walks about 50% more than I actually do as I know how much pleasure DH and DS get from it, when in fact I would probably prefer to stay home with a bar of Galaxy and a cuppa. I can't keep up the pretence for long though if we get lost or if there are too many midges/rivers/precipices

[riverboat1]

Catthief - not necessarily! I am thinking of a couple of friends I have who are very open and don't take things to heart at all. They are not loud or rude, but they just have no comprehension of what it's like to be hyper-aware of other's opinions of you or why you'd be bothered about it.

[CatthiefKeith]

riverboat1 I used to be oh so aware and worried what other people thought of me. I was bullied horrendously at secondary school and told lies to make myself sound more interesting, exciting or 'posher' in the desperate hope that the bullies would like me and stop making my life hell.

Eventually I grew up, left school, realised they were cunts and decided never to measure my own self worth by other peoples opinion of me again. I am much happier for it, and feel much more confident in my own skin.

This doesn't mean I don't care wnat my friends and family think of me, I do, I just don't happen to be close to anyone who measures me as a person based on how often I hoover/dust, or by what music/books/television I choose to indulge myself with.

Life is so much simpler when you can just be yourself.

[jessym]

We once did a charity 'pub quiz' at work. I knew the correct answer to almost all the questions, but bit my tongue and let the other members of my team try to answer them so as not to come across as a patronising know-it-all.

Just before the papers were collected at the end of the quiz, I suddenly 'remembered' a couple of answers and hastily scribbled them down.

[MrsTedCrilly]

LetThereBeCupcakes Haha that's brilliant! Has no-one heard her calling you the wrong name? Chandler did the same thing on Friends

[MrsLannister]

I also do the 'it's here!' thing when a takeaway arrives, shamefully because I'm embarrassed about the fact I'm in on a Saturday night on my own (child in bed) more often than not

[MrsTedCrilly]

Ha just remembered.. Got a dominos this evening and put it in my partners name (he's in London) as I keep getting the same delivery guy. So even though I answered the door he would assume my DP was in. Thankfully it was a different one anyway! In reality I doubt they give a toss. What are we like

[Jenda]

I have on occasion ordered pizza for myself and then shouted "foods here guys" while paying and then sat and eaten it alone!

[zeezeek]

So many....but a selection...

I never admit to my addiction with MN and the amount of time I spend on it in work.

I lie about the amount of money obscene that I spend on clothes for the DDs.

I often tell people who I don't know well that I don't like wearing heels because I'm so tall - when really it's because I've got a false leg and just can't.

How much money I actually have (more than I admit)

How clean my house is (not very - 2 kids, 3 dogs).

That I read fashion mags when I'm away/travelling/alone.

That my "knock off" Mulberry handbags are actually real.

And the worst - that I didn't know my DH was with a long term girlfriend when we got together.

[Ludways]

I often make my BIL a batch of my Blondies, he lives them and thinks I'm a great cook, they're put of a box at morrisons. Everyone but him knows this and we all have a giggle when he raves about Ludways Blondies, he'll twig eventually.

[bluejeanswhiteshirt]

I think about this thread every time I do something weird now which is a LOT. I've realised how much of a little fibber I am

[Seefooddiet]

I lie about food a lot. Every single day my Mother asks what me and ds are having for dinner and most days I make something up...oh just a full roast today dm, when in reality its cheese toasties...

I also fake try and remember what the person in my head other person wants at the takeaway...'oh I'll just have a small kebab. ..oh and what was it he wanted, oh yes, a large kebab, a small pizza and erm...yes that was it, a burger. ..not sure what he wants on it, just cheese and ketchup I suppose"

So sad!!!!

[UterusUterusGhali]

I've thought of one; I do a few of these mentioned up thread.

If I'm having a Crohns flare-up I'll tell people I'm going for a pee instead of a poo, because ewww.
My exh used to scoff about my weak bladder. I was actually having diahorrea for ten years.

[Shetland]

Yy to attributing MN anecdotes to a friend of a friend!

[RedDwarfPosse]

My OH and I lied about how we met. We met via an online dating website over 6 yrs ago. It's nothing now, everyone's doing. But when we met it was seen as dating for the desperate or weird. As we were from different counties 200 miles apart we told people we'd met via a mutual friend when he did some work in my county - OH is a glazier and regularly worked all over the UK, and he once went travelling around Europe and met various other travelling Brits so has friends dotted around the UK, so that's how we explained the 'mutual friend'

A lie that people easily believed, and saved them thinking we were weird desperado's and judging us

HOWEVER, the lie we thought everyone would eventually just forget has come back to bite us on the arse!

We're getting married in 6 weeks and people were naturally expecting us to invite the 'mutual friend' who introduced us to each other... We also told the same fib to our master of ceremonies (to keep the lie consistent!) and hes asked if we'd like him to tell the story in the speech and make a special mention to the 'friend'

At the time of meeting it hadn't crossed our minds we might actually get married one day and would need to consider the lie in the future!

We've now had to make up another lie that we had a falling out with said 'friend' which is a sore subject, so we're not inviting her!

[Penfolds5]

LetThereBe/Becky that's fantastic. You can always change your name by deed poll so it's not a lie any more?

[PlumpingThePartTimeMother]

Oh, reddwarfposse - it would be a fantastic opportunity to 'fess up and tell everyone that you're an OLD success story! Me and DH are too (met in 2009 and married later that year) and we made a point of telling everyone

[craftybaker]

MiL made guilt tripped DH in to buying a £25 garden voucher off her which was a gift given to her by SiL. We still haven't used it. My DS does a great line in "presents guaranteed to annoy the parents". This year a sweet hamper with Sevs style sweets… what's wrong with that? Well, nothing, if you're happy to have your kids consumer 1,000 plus e-numbers at every sitting. Of course he loves it! Of course he's allowed to eat it… but I wish she wouldn't…

[craftybaker]

Muppet-a-thon. Have posted on wrong thread! PMT Fuzz again.