to ask what silly lies you tell to keep up appearances?

[Penfolds5]

I pretend to like films with subtitles, but in reality I find them hard to read and would go for bad dubbing/a Cameron Diaz romcom any day.

I've also been known to switch my radio from Smooth FM to Radio 4 or 6 when someone's coming over.

I blame my divorce on 'getting married too young' because myself and ex are still close friends and I'm secretly ashamed of being divorced it's an easy way to close off the conversation. We were young but not ridiculously so.

Not so much now, but when I was first starting to incorporate some exercise into my life,i used to hold my breath when I walked past people so they couldn't hear how out of breath I was. As soon as i was past them I'd take a huge lungful of air and carry on huffing and puffing along.

I hang around the house in my pj's if I'm at not planning on going out and if the postie/meter reader etc knocks, I pretend to have a cold to excuse still being in my pj's at 3pm. I really don't know why I should be bothered but I am.

I used to act happy when I was utterly miserable after my divorce. The weird thing was that after a year or so of Oscar level acting, I started to feel happier, even though my life was still incredibly shitty. It's as if it re-wired something in my brain.

I apologise for the mess after tidying up before guests arrive.

Money is a bit tight at the moment, despite the fact I've tried to explain this to friends and colleagues they keep inviting me out. Rather than keep telling them the truth that I can't afford it, I've started saying my Mums coming around, I'm already going out or back out at the last minute saying I'm ill.

Madmog my DH does this, I always tell him to just tell the truth! I think it makes him look flakey coming up with different excuses all the time and his friends will get annoyed. Better to just be honest.

I rarely do this but I do with food. I hate seafood - I find it too rich for me and it does make me want to vomit. My parents weren't adventurous with food so I was brought up on a staple of totally plain foods (had only ever had fish when it was fish and chips and wrapped in newspaper).

So I sometimes say I am allergic to seafood. The problem if you say you just don't get on with it is that people will say, oh just try it you'll be fine.

But I won't. I'm 42. I've tried it before. I will be sick.

I once bought a lovely £75 dress in Monsoon for DD (about 12 at the time) simply because she liked it. The shop assistant asked what the special occasion was so I made something up. I didn't want her to think I was so extravagant/indulgent that I'd buy it for her just because she liked the dress.

I have this weird thing where I'm convinced that people know the truth anyway, so I start by saying the socially acceptable thing and then (in response to some imagined twitch on their faces) break into an overly-detailed rendition of the truth where I deliberately give as much anti-me information as possible so they'll see that I'm truthful and not hiding anything and respect my honesty.

Strangers often back away, friends have become used to it

So in answer to the original question, no, I don't lie about anything really!!

plumping I totally understand where you're coming from!

I always feel that people will think I'm lying and over compensate by going into elaborate detail to "convince" them I'm not. When there's absolutely no need!

I think it must come from having an unusual/horrid childhood.

Shakey

You may be right - I'd always put it down to shades of ASD though (my DB was autistic and I tested quite highly on a childhood autism test, taken retrospectively). I always feel that surely everyone else knows exactly what I'm thinking and that it would be pointless to lie; also that lies make the world even more chaotic and less comprehensible than it is now and so are just awful all round.

Moderately awful childhood too though, so am not discounting your theory!

Sigh. It's not meant to be this difficult, I think [thannks]

Gah

Yes. And the feeling that "If I put everything out there, then it will show I've hidden nothing, therefore I must be being honest"

I've harboured suspicions that I'm on the spectrum ( ok I know we all are somewhere!) but childhood issues prevented any exploration of this or encouragement.

My DS has been identified as G&T and we are SO similar. I recognise myself in him and sometimes get cross that I wasn't afforded acknowledgement of that etc. Which is unreasonable because I should have made "more" of myself anyway.

Sorry, thread derail

I watch a soap opera on occasion and read the odd lowbrow book. This is top secret (known only to my daughter). Even dh doesn't know.

I pretend I'm normal too. Not convinced I'm convincing

I pretend to be looking at urgent work emails on my phone so I don't have to chat in the school playground.

In a shop if they haven't got what I want and recommend another shop, I leave and head in the direction they've suggested, even if I didn't want to, because I don't want them to think I ignored their advice. Then I sneak back the other way and run past the shop I was in.

I got in a total flap the other day when I decided to buy two bottles of wine at the wine shop and felt compelled to explain I wasn't going to have them both that night. I actually wasn't, and don't drink to excess at all – but the more I said it, the more it looked like I clearly did. The guy was like "Of course"

Clothahump when people come round I put the magazines in a pile with New Scientist or Homes & Interiors on top and Grazia hidden underneath.

My Mum died when I was little and I was brought up by my Dad. I avoided at all costs telling people, as it usually provoked a massive discussion about how/why/where/how did I feel and it made me very anxious. I remember spinning an elaborate story to a hairdresser about my fictional mum who was a nurse and worked long shifts.

I also used to pretend I was ill to avoid going to birthday parties as I knew my clothes would be weird compared to everyone else because my Dad neither cared nor had a clue about little girls clothes.

I used to pretend that we had a tv, because I knew I would get teased by the other kids if I told them we didn't.

When I was little I used to pretend I had a whole farm filled with ponies.

When I was first back from msternity leave people asked me how I spent the time and I replied that I used to just watch Helicopter Heroes and Real Housewives. That was true though.

We visit my MIL every Sunday for lunch. I often tell her I've been cleaning the house all morning, when in reality I've just been watching Friends in bed and drinking tea.

I've told people that I'm 10 years older than I actually am - so I can hear them marvel about how great I look

God, don't you all find it utterley exhausting keeping up appearances?

You will look utterly ridiculous when someone catches you out y'know.

I change what I call my evening meal depending on who I'm talking to. I'm northern and surrounded by middle class friends & collegues (and my dp) who call their "tea", "dinner".

I would never call my evening meal "supper" though, that's going one step too far.

We all do it CatThiefKeith - you too. Unless you poop in the street and pick your nose in public.

In me yoof, I was friends with a band that got famous. When they played in my home town I sometimes joined the backing singers - because I could, and it was fun. Many years later I told an exaggeration-prone friend about this, and she built it up into a whole new story: "Garlic was a singer with FamousBand!" Of course, everyone found this exciting and it proved impossible to bring it back to the minor event it really was. I ended up maintaining someone else's fantasy, fudging memories about concerts they played and I wasn't at

I once bought an amazing jumper from Joseph for £1,500. It would be about £3.5k in today's money. I could afford it but that would be half the deposit on a flat in those days. Rather than risk pissing people off with my extravagance, I used to say it'd been an incredible charity shop find.

And the polytechnic I went to is now a university on my CV. I changed it when it gained university status - more convenient all round!

Catthief judging by the amount of people who have posted, not to mention those who have read the thread and were too embarrassed to confess, I'd say it's something we ALL do at some point. I think it's bloody hilarious