Sharing tables in cafés

[Athenaviolet]

I'm genuinely not sure if IABU here.

I was in a cafe today. It was quite busy. Tbh if I'd known it was going to be busy I'd have gone elsewhere. My reason for going wasn't for the food & drink but for somewhere to sit to look up jobs on my phone, take notes etc. I wanted to sit for a couple of hours and it cost £6 for the privilege which I could do with not spending. There's tension in the house atm so don't feel comfortable there.

After I'd finished my sandwich but was still drinking my juice (in a transparent bottle so was obviously not finished) an older man came over to my table and asked if anyone was using the spare seats. I said no because that was the truth but it made me extremely uncomfortable him sitting next to me. I found it really hard to concentrate and left before I otherwise would have. (I have autistic traits so find 'social' situations difficult) I spent the next hour driving about in the rain.

Was he being unreasonable 'invading' my space? I was in his situation the other day and I just stood and waited for a free table. I think this is the polite thing to do.

Could I have said "please don't sit there while I'm still having my order"?

I'm very uncertain in these sort of social dilemmas. Imo when I'm paying (the extra) for a sit in meal part of what I'm paying for is 'the experience' of a table to sit in peace at. If I was just hungry I'd just go to a drive through.

It would have been quite reasonable to say "Please move your phone from the chair because I need it and I'm about to take it anyway"

Sounds like you have some sort of inferiority complex. You'd be too scared to ask to sit at a table occupied by someone 'important' but someone with less 'worth' youd be fine with asking?

Ooh out come the claws!!
Nothing to do with worth how did you arrive at that? My experience is old ladies in my local cafe love to chat, they beckon me over if theres a spare seat. I know half of them by name now just from sharing tables. But in busy chains its different, no-one makes eye contact and you know they don't really want to share. I don't want to sit opposite someone glaring at me or making business calls!

I don't want to sit opposite someone glaring at me or making business calls!

But it's not supposed to be a pleasant experience! It's a tough world out there with not enough chairs!!!

Although, I think in busy chains they usually have those bars where you all get to sit side by side looking out the window - together yet comfortably apart, just like on the tube.

Obviously sharing is the norm in the vast majority of cafes otherwise the entitled/irrational few would not have to be defending their mad stance.

Trying to argue that your laptop/fluffy toy/vast ego deserves its own special space to the detriment of a human being is hilarious.

Yes, some people do use cafes as business places on occasions - but that is their choice and it's selfish and ignorant to expect everyone else to behave as if these people are demi-gods. Why is the "business man" more deserving of courtesy than the "little old lady"? He might just be a pretentious prat in a chalk striped suit while she is an eminent scientist out for a refreshing cuppa on the way to a conference where she's delivering a speech. Judging people by their appearance or age is such a silly thing to do.

YOur personal concept of private space matters only to you. And you are not so important that you get to dictate to other people that you will not permit them to use a table because you want to stick your laptop there. To believe that an inanimate object has "rights of occupancy" is just side-splitting.

I don't want to sit opposite someone glaring at me or making business calls!

Totally fair.

Equally, I don't want to be denied the opportunity to sit in the only empty seat in a cafe because some ignorant prat thinks they can hog it with their laptop/phone/cuddly toy.

If the business call is important, then it should be conducted in a private place. If work is so important, then conducting it in a noisy cafe is not going to produce the best results.

I think sharing is only an issue in busy cafes. Most cafes aren't that busy and people who like personal space tend to avoid busy cafes so usually it is a non issue.

SoldierBear I judged them on their behaviour not age or appearance. It would be just as discourteous to reject the old lady offering to share, as it would be to make the businessman move his laptop. I'm guided by other people's concepts of personal space not my own as i don't have a fixed idea of 'my' personal space. i'm not possessive about space at all so i'm ok with sharing any table if the other person's ok with it too. But space does matter to (most) others so i try to be courteous and respect the space they feel is 'theirs'. If the little old lady glared at me and looked busy, i'd give her a wide berth too! If i share a table i want to share with someone friendly not someone who resents me being there otherwise what's the point?

Only on MNet could a thread about sharing tables get to nearly 1000 posts. It's been ...interesting. I definitely want to visit Jaleh's cafe. Hope I don't get carted off by security for being culturally insensitive.

It is NOT discourteous to ask someone to remove their laptop and stop hogging a table.

It is discourteous to plonk your laptop on a table in a busy cafe and prevent other people from using the table for the purpose of eating and/or drinking.

It is all about having consideration for other people.

and in any case, a cafe is not a workplace, it is a space for communal eating and drinking.

I can't believe some of the attitudes on this thread.

climbing quickly has left me speechless. It's not your workplace, it's a bloody cafe!

I had one today!

I was out with some friends and we all stopped at a cafe and loaded up with drinks/snacks looked around for a table, there were five large wooden tables outside, one had just one person on. Great I though, thinking of this thread! I went over and asked if he was waiting for anyone, he said no and gestured to the empty space (what a disappointment I thought) so all EIGHT of us plus one in a pushchair joined him! It was a bit of a squeeze but we tried to give him as much space as possible.

Seems some would have us all just stand and wait instead of sit at a table big enough to accommodate us all just because somebody else was taking up a small part of it. I left after about fifteen minutes leaving the others, no other tables had come free in this time and the original man was still there as well.

I had one today, in Krispy Kreme (does that count?) and in India not the UK, so the concept of personal space is different.

There were two free chairs and I was with my DD. There is a bench with two tables by it and two chairs opposite. These were the free ones. I was looking around and one of the men sitting on the bench waved me over to sit there. The two men did not (1) try and engage me in conversation or (2) harass me in any way.
After a couple of minutes another area became free, so we moved there.