Sharing tables in cafés

[Athenaviolet]

I'm genuinely not sure if IABU here.

I was in a cafe today. It was quite busy. Tbh if I'd known it was going to be busy I'd have gone elsewhere. My reason for going wasn't for the food & drink but for somewhere to sit to look up jobs on my phone, take notes etc. I wanted to sit for a couple of hours and it cost £6 for the privilege which I could do with not spending. There's tension in the house atm so don't feel comfortable there.

After I'd finished my sandwich but was still drinking my juice (in a transparent bottle so was obviously not finished) an older man came over to my table and asked if anyone was using the spare seats. I said no because that was the truth but it made me extremely uncomfortable him sitting next to me. I found it really hard to concentrate and left before I otherwise would have. (I have autistic traits so find 'social' situations difficult) I spent the next hour driving about in the rain.

Was he being unreasonable 'invading' my space? I was in his situation the other day and I just stood and waited for a free table. I think this is the polite thing to do.

Could I have said "please don't sit there while I'm still having my order"?

I'm very uncertain in these sort of social dilemmas. Imo when I'm paying (the extra) for a sit in meal part of what I'm paying for is 'the experience' of a table to sit in peace at. If I was just hungry I'd just go to a drive through.

One drink for 4 hours is fine, as long as there are spare tables.

Whilst I think you can't hog a table for two hours in a busy cafe, I also think how he asked was really rude of him. He should have actually asked you whether you minded him sitting there, rather than just assuming it was ok as the seats were unoccupied.

YABU if there was no free table - and if there had been the next customer would have taken the chair at "your" table.

WhoNickedMyName It would be same if it was a big chain. For one thing they are also not a charity or a social service; for another if I go into Starbucks and buy a coffee and there is one free seat I am going to sit there even if the other customer at the same table would prefer me not to.

It's really, really rude to spend four hours nursing one cup of tea.

Can you go to a library / community centre?

I hate, hate hate sharing tables in cafes. Really hate it.

I've never said no to anyone, but I generally bolt my drink and scarper even if I'd only been there a few minutes and had intended to linger (not for 2 hours though...)

The ones I really hate is those who want to share a 'good' table (window seat or nicer chair) when there are tables free elsewhere.

If a cafe is too full for me to sit without bothering someone, I don't order in the first places. Can be irritating, but I can't bear the feeling of being that rude to someone else.

Arethere how was this man rude
He asked if the seats were spare. Which they were. Rude would be plonking yourself down without asking anything.

arethereany x-posted. If there were no entirely free tables he had to be "rude" to somebody, didn't he? Frankly, you can't hog a table at all. If there's just you and others want to sit, they can.

I wasn't there for hours!

I'd only just finished my sandwich and was only halfway through my juice so I only got a few minutes alone for £6.

At the cafés I usually go to I see lots of people like me who order a coffee and sit for hours on their laptops.

I can't do libraries. The silence makes me anxious. I need background noise. Earphones don't work because I don't like the sensation of something touching my ears.

I think I'm just especially tense atm so finding these things harder than usual.

Jassy If somebody wants to share your good table it's because you wanted to sit there. And it's different for the other person because . . .

How many seats were there at your table? I can see how you'd feel uncomfortable but YABU especially if you were sitting at a table for four (it's just that you mention spare seats in your OP)

You also got a sandwich and juice for that £6, Ffs.

Even if there were only two seats - if there was nowhere else OP would have to put up with it. Incidentally OP what is the relevance of the other customer's age or gender?

And how much do you think it costs a cafe for you to sit there for four hours? Rent, staff costs, wifi and likely lost customers who see that it is 'busy' and go elsewhere. They're a business not a public service. YABVU. They would have every right to tell you to leave.

I am always amazed on these kind of threads where people worry about the poor cafe owners and the terrible people who work in cafés. Cafés get masses of business from people who come with laptops - why do you think they offer wifi and have laptop plug in areas. Cafés are perfectly free to institute a policy whereby you have to buy a new drink every hour - the reason this is not common is presumably because it's offputting and would result in less money. I think you can trust businesses to look after themselves.

Athena, you should find that libraries are not the cathedrals of silence they once were. Someone suggested a community centre upthread, which could be another option for you?

I get the not liking silence, not liking things touching your ears. One of my friends has AS and struggles with sensory issues.

Poor you. You do sound anxious about it.
I think perhaps you need to figure out when the cafe isn't maxxed out so that you can lounge around as long as you like.

I don't think this man was being rude at all by asking. I would have done the same. Can I ask, would you have thought he should have stood until you'd finished, even though there were a few seats free?

Personally, I don't adore people sitting at my table, but I fully recognise that a library is a library, and a cafe is a business. There will be a different feeling for sharing tables at a cafe than, say, having lunch at the Ritz where someone can't just plonk themselves down!

littleflick ffs. OP has specified, clearly, they have autistic traits. But well done you, sure your comment has really helped...

Indeed, but it is quite wrong of customers like the OP to expect to keep other people away as she does.

In my local M&S cafe it actually has a sign saying to make sure you have a table before ordering.

That aside, if you were sitting at a table for two/four/six and there was a spare seat he was ok to ask.

Where are these libraries that are silent? Round here they are noisier than cafés.

littleflick the OP has autistic traits - sensory issues are a feature of the autistic spectrum. What to you may sound trivial could be really big issue for her.

littleflick

It was a very big cafe with 20 odd tables so I don't think he'd have had to wait long to get a seat.

Do job centres have computers. Can you not use theirs at least it would be free and there be plenty of noise around. I'd imagine