Sharing tables in cafés

[Athenaviolet]

I'm genuinely not sure if IABU here.

I was in a cafe today. It was quite busy. Tbh if I'd known it was going to be busy I'd have gone elsewhere. My reason for going wasn't for the food & drink but for somewhere to sit to look up jobs on my phone, take notes etc. I wanted to sit for a couple of hours and it cost £6 for the privilege which I could do with not spending. There's tension in the house atm so don't feel comfortable there.

After I'd finished my sandwich but was still drinking my juice (in a transparent bottle so was obviously not finished) an older man came over to my table and asked if anyone was using the spare seats. I said no because that was the truth but it made me extremely uncomfortable him sitting next to me. I found it really hard to concentrate and left before I otherwise would have. (I have autistic traits so find 'social' situations difficult) I spent the next hour driving about in the rain.

Was he being unreasonable 'invading' my space? I was in his situation the other day and I just stood and waited for a free table. I think this is the polite thing to do.

Could I have said "please don't sit there while I'm still having my order"?

I'm very uncertain in these sort of social dilemmas. Imo when I'm paying (the extra) for a sit in meal part of what I'm paying for is 'the experience' of a table to sit in peace at. If I was just hungry I'd just go to a drive through.

Lilac someone who is genuinely anxious or 'fearfull' of speaing to strangers shouldn't bagsy a table seat as they are the most popular seats and at the very least someone would sit opposite that. If they were really so scared of interaction they'd avoid it as much as possible.

I went to our local cafe yesterday in the spirit of research. Sat down with my crochet ready to chill. The cafe only has tables for four or eight (local church cafe) to encourage people to share tables and mingle. Staff will gently encourage table sharing. Before long i had three strangers sharing my table, and we had a great chat about crafts, the weather and all sorts. I ended up staying much longer than i intended and can't wait to go again. I wouldnt dream of saying no to anyone asking to share a table if they needed.

Sounds ever so nice but a local church cafe isn't the same thing is it? More of a social/coffee morning place if people take their knitting along and go there for a natter

A busy city centre cafe is totally different, has different etiquette. When I'm dashing in between clients I don't have time to make chit-chat! I'll take a small table, check my emails, deal with anything urgent, neck some coffee and a snack, then leave. I'm working and refuelling. It's not appropriate to disturb me. I don't mind an 'Andrew' nabbing seat opposite but i'll not move my laptop or make conversation. And if you have kids or lots of drinks, food, bags i will say very honestly "There isn't room on this table and i need to concentrate, please sit somewhere else". Never had anyone not respect my space! Don't know where all these weird table-sharing cafes are but it's not the done thing here.

I'm working and refuelling. It's not appropriate to disturb me
So much self importance in this statement. So your need to work is more important than other customers need to take a seat to eat and drink their purchases?

There isn't room on this table and i need to concentrate, please sit somewhere else
What if its the last seat in the cafe? The person should just fuck off basically so you can get on with your work?? If your work is so sensitive you cant possibly concentrate without somone sitting opposite you, go to an office/library then not a busy coffe shop!

i will say very honestly "There isn't room on this table and i need to concentrate, please sit somewhere else". Never had anyone not respect my space!

I'd give you a swerve too but you'd be wrong to think respect had anything to do with it.

There's an awful lot of what my MIL called "body everyself" going on here.

All these people who are so self-important that they cannot be disturbed whilst working and refuelling might be advised to remember that they are in a cafe. Not an office. So if their work is so vital that it trumps everyone else's need for refreshment perhaps they might care to work in an environment designed for that purpose.

I'm working and refuelling. It's not appropriate to disturb me.

You are in a cafe. A public space. It is not appropriate to think you have an exclusion zone around you.

i'll not move my laptop or make conversation. And if you have kids or lots of drinks, food, bags i will say very honestly "There isn't room on this table and i need to concentrate, please sit somewhere else".

Well, better beware when the other cafe customers use the table to put their drinks on in the near vicinity of your laptop, because it could get ruined.

If you need to concentrate, then don't try to "work" in a cafe. And don't be surprised if somebody says "no there is plenty of room for us to sit here. Please do not hog the whole table space" and just push your laptop so it is only occupying half the table.

WHile you make a big deal about others "respecting your space" it is interesting how little respect you have for anyone else and how peculiarly terratorial you are about a table in a public space.

There isn't room on this table and i need to concentrate, please sit somewhere else

And if there isn't anywhere else?

I was on the Gatwick Express and the luggage racks by the doors are designed to take about three cases stacked on top of each other.

A woman complained that my case was crushing hers and told me to move it. She wanted the rack all to herself .

I refused so she huffily went and moved it so hers was on top. At least she didn't leave it on the floor. Then someone else got on and put his case on top of hers and she complained again.

Nobody said anything but we exchanged looks.

A busy city centre cafe is totally different, has different etiquette
I think you'll find, ClimbingQuickly that it actually doesn't (unless a new law has been passed)??

I am truly aghast at your self-important post. Who on earth do you think you are?

A table in a café is a public space. How dare you think you may be able to tell someone not to disturb you. The customer has paid for drink/snacks. He/she may not wish to see you 'neck' shudder a coffee, but they have no choice but to sit next to you, despite your revolting table manners.

It's not appropriate to disturb me

Aarghh - the more I read that post, the more disturbed I'm becoming. What the actual Fuck?

Not appropriate to disturb you? Not appropriate? To disturb YOU, you most important person who is not important enough to not sit in a public place.

Fuckwits everywhere.

Oooh!! - next time I spot someone like you I will make a point of sharing your table, just to annoy. I'll get my knitting out (I don't even knit, but I'll learn) and I'll bring loads of children, and bags, and other annoying stuff with me.

Just when you thought this thread couldn't get any more batty ...

One for Classics yet ?

Leaving aside the person with the lap top, what happens in this scenario?

You enter a cafe and the only chair left is at a 3 seat table where a couple are having a very intense but quiet conversation.

Do you join them?

(Just interested, not arguing that one approach is better than another).

You sit at the same table as them. That doesn't mean you're joining them.
If they want a private conversation the last place they should go is a café.

I wouldn't stop someone sitting next to me because I tend to try to be accommodating but I do agree that general cafe etiquette is slightly different to the church cafe described where sharing is encouraged.

I wouldn't feel comfortable asking to share a small table designed for two with a stranger. I would feel like I was intruding and it was their space.

So much self importance in this statement. So your need to work is more important than other customers need to take a seat to eat and drink their purchases?
The self-important person is she who demands to sit down INSTANTLY regardless who she's disturbing or inconveniencing. Why is your desire for an instant seat more important than my right to work? Wait your turn!

What if its the last seat in the cafe
Not my fault you chose a super-busy cafe. Awful that you have to wait a few minutes, just awful.

If your work is so sensitive you cant possibly concentrate without somone sitting opposite you, go to an office/library
Cafes are popular places to work (and it's legal). If there's no space for your tray then find/wait for a bigger table. I got there first and will not pack up my laptop just to suit you. A table is not a luggage-rack where everyone's stuff is piled up!

don't be surprised if somebody says "no there is plenty of room for us to sit here. Please do not hog the whole table space" and just push your laptop so it is only occupying half the table
In RL this doesn't happen. Would you teach your kids to behave like this? I'm trying to visualise going into a cafe with my 4-year-old DS and saying 'oh dear there are no tables free, but look darling there's a free seat at that table where the lady is working, go and push her laptop out the way! Then spill your drink all over it, that will teach her to try and work in a cafe!'
Of course it would be self-important of me to say to DS 'There are no tables free so we'll wait a few mins. We don't want to crowd anyone else. Yes I see that free seat but it's a very small table and the lady's busy working so we won't disturb her. Oh look some people over there are leaving, lets get that table instead...'

You enter a cafe and the only chair left is at a 3 seat table where a couple are having a very intense but quiet conversation.
Do you join them?
No. It's crass and rude to disturb people deep in conversation. They should be allowed to talk at their own table without being interrupted. It doesn't hurt me or my DC to wait our turn.

Some bizarre attitudes on this thread! Why expect people seated in a cafe to accomodate you, move their belongings, stop working, stop their private conversations, make room for your kids... next you'll be saying they should give up their seats for you!

Don't be ridiculous. Of course you shouldn't have to give up your seat but I'm with those who find your posts very self important.
There should be no question of someone having to "wait their turn" if they came in to have a cup of coffee which is the primary purpose of the establishment. Your right to work undisturbed doesn't trump that.

I haven't contributed to this thread yet but have been following from the beginning and it gets better and better- surely it belongs in classics?

Me and DP frequent a cafe that is popular with pensioners in town. Usually we are the youngest in there by about 40 years . Many of them come in alone and ask to share a table if the seat is free- we always say yes. One time this old lady came in alone, cafe was very full and she went over to a youngish woman who had a four seater table all to herself. She asked if she could sit down and the younger lady said "No sorry I'm waiting for my friends". Luckily a couple got up and left and the old lady could sit down.

We watched this young woman while we ate, she ordered a meal, drink, read her book, and left...her friends never turned up! I felt that she was a total cow and just wanted the table to herself!

The self-important person is she who demands to sit down INSTANTLY regardless who she's disturbing or inconveniencing. Why is your desire for an instant seat more important than my right to work? Wait your turn!

She hasn't broken into your office and commandeered your desk, you silly person. She's in a public space and you are attempting to hog a table. I'd sit there and you could whinge all you liked.

Not my fault you chose a super-busy cafe. Awful that you have to wait a few minutes, just awful.

Not my fault you have mistaken a busy café for your office. Tough, I'm not waiting. Move your stuff.

Yes I see that free seat but it's a very small table and the lady's busy working so we won't disturb her. Oh look some people over there are leaving, lets get that table instead...'

And if they aren't leaving that lady will have to share because that's what civilised people do. Self-important cows however ...

Some bizarre attitudes on this thread!

And most of them are yours.

Some bizarre attitudes on this thread!
Ironic comment is ironic.

3 years ago, after MrsLH witnessed a particularly nasty incident in Morrisons (poor lady in a wheelchair was told to fk off, when she asked if she could take a table intended for wheelchair users from a group of able bodied shoppers in a half empty cafe ), I commented that this was almost what YouTube was invented for. Because I would have had no hesitation filming such unpleasant people for all the world to see.

Given this thread, I wonder if cafe-rage will replace road-rage as an internet sensation ? Especially as bodycams are becoming more common. I can almost see the Buzzfeed sidebar now ...

Ten cafe-rage moments you WON'T BELIEVE

The moment an eclair became a weapon ...
When cappuccino became crappuccino ...
Enraged diner pours SMOOTHIE into shoppers bags

(TFI Friday, eh )

Climbing - you work in your workplace - not a café

Why is your desire for an instant seat more important than my right to work?

Because it's a cafe primarily designed for the consumption of food and drink.