seats on public transport

[sassyandsixty]

OK, I know I'm old-fashioned, but is it unreasonable to expect children to give up seats for older people these days? During half-term, a crowd of children rushed onto the train and grabbed seats that older people were aiming for. They then complained when asked (very politely) to give them up. Parents were around, but didn't even try to get their kids to stand - only gave us the evil eye. What is going on here?

DS is 13, and offered his seat on a crowded train to an adult the other day. I was chuffed. I am an able bodied adult, but with past back problems which niggle, but my 13 yo finds it easier to stand for long periods/sit on the floor than I do. So he does. I would offer my seat to someone more doddery, or someone who requested it.

It is a MN thing that children shouldn't give up a seat. In RL I find it much more common that they do.

I thought that was why they paid a half fare.

Frika I don't expect respect from anyone, but I will always give it to a stranger on a bus and hope to receive it in return. Show someone some respect and kindness without strings attached and they might just pass it on.

Maybe its a regional thing, I'm in scotland and generally find most people still have manners on buses, I do meet the odd one that doesnt but try not to let it affect they way I behave towards others.

thefallenmadonna its great to see them being naturally polite to others isn't it.

I think they key is them believing it is the right thing to do and not allow others who may be bad mannered make them think there is no value to good manners.

I'd rather stand than make my middle child stand. He's clumsy, has ASD and is a flight/panic risk if he gets spooked. My eldest gets shipped off upstairs if it's busy. My youngest is either in his pushchair or on my knee.

It's not a black and white issue, no matter how many people try to mak it so.

I think

If children are small enough to go on laps, then I think they should go on laps. It annoys me when parents don't put children on their laps

If children are too small to stand safely or comfortably, they should sit on a seat

If an elderly or disabled person gets on, children should offer to stand, as I do

But I don't think they should automatically stand

Bathsheba I'd say not in those circumstances.

I was thinking more of situations I've seen on a rush hour train where a family with no pregnancy has sat down on a 4 seat with each (young) child having their own seat. Rightly or wrongly this grates

I always offer my seat to ther following:

Elderly, disabled/injured, pregnant women, mothers with a small baby, small children.

I make my two (3 and 5) share a seat on bus/train (they only have little bottoms). If someone needs a seat, I get up. If someone else needs a seat, I expect one of the countless other able bodied adults to get up. I would not expect my little ones turfed out of their seat - I'm in London and transport can get very crowded, I won't risk them getting hurt.

Obviously when they are a bit bigger (should add that my children are tiny for their ages), they will be expected to offer their seats to priority groups. Probably not to able bodied adults - first come, first served.

It's not that simple, no. My DS, now able to stand quite happily, had hip problems for a year or so, and then I stood and he sat if seats were limited. Which I suspect is why he thinks to offer his seat now. And, as I said, if I am asked by someone if they can sit, I will assume their need is greater than mine.

How depressing that such a large number of mumsnetters have such an ignorant and entitled view. This thing has obviously been going wrong for more than a generation as they were obviously taught no better by their parents.

Seen

OK

A question to those who believe children should stand for adults- at what age and/or size should this begin?

Actually, my mum taught me to put most other people's wants above my own so as to be seen to be nice and polite all the time. She now admits she went a bit overboard on that.

I'm another that would stand rather than making my dd stand (the adult would still get a seat and I'm happy that dd is safe etc)

Saying that, every situation is different I have given up my seat for a less able bodied adult whilst I was pregnant - I wasn't particularly tired that day, there was only about 5 mins left of my journey and there weren't so many people standing that I'd be crushed in the crowd iyswim

If I saw the situation in the op and thought it unfair I would give up my seat, it isn't really just upto the children, if you are in need of a seat surely anyone in the surrounding area could/should offer

I would never allow my children to run or push past others to get to a seat, though

The one time my DS did stand on the bus because no one offered him a seat, he ended up with a split forehead when he went flying because the driver slammed on the brakes so hard. I was holding his sister and desperately trying to stay upright. So yes, I'll let the able bodied adults stand in favour of my tiny children.

I got on a crowded bus the other day. We were at the front of the queue. I had DC 1 in the window seat and I was perched with DC 2 in a sling on my back. There bus was full and I'm assuming statistically that some of the people seated would have been able to stand if required.

The bus filled up and an elderly woman got on with loads of bags, so I stood up and let he sit down, DC still in the sling on my back, small suitcase between my feet. A few other people got on who probably could have used a seat but I didn't make my 4yo DC stand as I would not have been able to support him and he would have fallen over or bumped into people. If I had been on my own with him, or if we had been in a rural area instead of a city centre where the bus lurches and brakes suddenly every few seconds, or if it hadn't been so crowded, we both could have stood without a problem.

So no, I don't make my DC stand for people who happen to be older. I always offer to give up a seat myself but in some situations, I consider my DC to be 'in need' of a seat for their own safety.

My 13 yo is 6ft tall. He would be offering a seat to your 4yo!
There isn't a set rule, of course, to whoever asked. My DC, and I, stand when they think they would be more comfortable doing so than someone who doesn't have a seat. So for my DC, that includes most people.

My dds would offer seats to people with young kids somebody with shopping i just think its kind mine have been doing it from 11/12

Nobody expects a 4yr old to stand on a bus

We all consider a 4 yr old to need a seat Celia. And have said so. I think you should have had one two, carrying a sling and I (or my dd) would certainly have stood up for you.

Add message | Report | Message poster amicissimma Mon 01-Jun-15 17:55:34
It always surprises me that I can sit and watch 3-9 year-olds spend hours swinging, hanging, clambering, generally holding on at the local playground and then come on MN to find that it is unreasonable to expect NT 3-9 year-olds to hold on and not be flung around through occasional swings and lurches during, say, a 30 minute journey.

Some people think 3yo is plenty old enough to stand on a bus and I think in some circumstances a 3yo would be fine. When I was young we children sat on the floor if it was crowded but I'm guessing I would get evil looks for that now I assumed OP was talkin about older children but she didn't specify.

You only expect them to stand if they are old enough to be safe! A 3 or 4 year old could sit on a parent's knee. If that isn't possible they need a seat.