To think that too many women refer to themselves as single mums/parents when they are not?

[Lisalou1]

Without intentionally wanting to spoil the peace I just want to know why so many women refer to themselves as single mums or parents when infact they're aren't. In my opinion a single mum or single parent is a parent who cares for and looks after their children on their own without any help whatsoever from the other parent? Am I totally wrong in thinking this?

Only I have friends/family members/work colleagues/aquiantneces etc etc who constantly refer to themselves as single parents and the majority of these (women) still have the father of their children around and very much involved in their children's lives. Some have new partners and of a weekend get to send their children off with their fathers and some are still single yet have extremely amicable arrangements in place with their ex were they have them coming and going constantly from their houses helping out with the children, watching them why they go on nights out, helping out with housework etc. Now in these sort of cases would I be wrong in thinking that these women aren't single parents at all and instead are just mothers to their children who have help from their ex partners? as I'm really growing tired of hearing the phrase single mum thrown about when in the majority of cases these mothers aren't.

I had no idea that when I was legally single, living as the only adult in the household, with my children having once a month day visit from their grandparents (which I had to cook for etc) I was unreasonable to call myself a single parent. Clearly my ex should have used that as one of his many reasons to dodge access (I was still trying to convince him then) as I wasn't on my own at all. Those visits from my abusive parents clearly demonstrate that I wasn't doing it alone .

I'm a single parent.

I'm not single.

I have a DP but he doesn't live with me and takes no parental responsibility for my DCs, although he loves them and they love him. Similarly, I don't take any responsibility for his DCs. We have a relationship but it doesn't impact on my status as a parent.

My ex pays maintenance and has the DCs once a week, but according to HMRC/tax credits/council tax/child benefit etc, I am a single parent, as the only adult living in the house with the main parental responsibility for my DCs.

I don't really care what anyone else calls me or whether they are pissed off that I a get a night out without paying a babysitter once a week or that I get a nice holiday once in a while. As a 'proper' single mum, I should obviously be on the bones of my arse and starring in Benefits Street or something, but hey I'm ok thanks.

True, but a lot of single mums I know have a hell of a lot more help than I do!

Husband works long hours, no family at all nearby.

If you're single, and yet your mum/dad helps out loads, seriously, stop moaning lol.

It's not a competition is it??!

And btw, if it's a competition, I had a much harder time married to an EA husband, who worked shifts and then worked away for weeks at a time, than I have done as a single mum, so I would never begrudge someone in that situation saying they feel like a single parent.

It was feeling like that which gave me the push to divorce, I realised that I already had all the downsides of single parenting, but if I left him I could have independence, a night off sometimes and a good relationship with someone else too.

Win win.

Meglet, is good!

I consider myself a single parent. I am single and a parent. The end. I receive zero help from my DS's father and never have done. Indeed, I might as well have been a single parent when he was here too as his input was limited to say the least. He was and remains far too busy with himself. I don't understand what you are trying to say?

I'm baffled by this.

First of all, who died and made you the official giver of the definitions?

Secondly, what precisely do you mean by "heavily involved" in their lives? That's open to interpretation.

And third, the other parent, even if he is "heavily involved" in their lives - that parent's relationship is with the CHILD, not the mum. How much their father sees the children does not affect her status at all. What a odd notion that it would.

I agree with the poster who was musing about why people feel the need to poke single mums with a sharp stick just to put them in their place. It's very much a "oh, he does things with them sometimes, so obviously it's not as hard as you imply" kind of mentality IMO.

If you live alone with your kids you're a single parent.