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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that too many women refer to themselves as single mums/parents when they are not?

158 replies

Lisalou1 · 30/05/2015 19:42

Without intentionally wanting to spoil the peace I just want to know why so many women refer to themselves as single mums or parents when infact they're aren't. In my opinion a single mum or single parent is a parent who cares for and looks after their children on their own without any help whatsoever from the other parent? Am I totally wrong in thinking this?

Only I have friends/family members/work colleagues/aquiantneces etc etc who constantly refer to themselves as single parents and the majority of these (women) still have the father of their children around and very much involved in their children's lives. Some have new partners and of a weekend get to send their children off with their fathers and some are still single yet have extremely amicable arrangements in place with their ex were they have them coming and going constantly from their houses helping out with the children, watching them why they go on nights out, helping out with housework etc. Now in these sort of cases would I be wrong in thinking that these women aren't single parents at all and instead are just mothers to their children who have help from their ex partners? as I'm really growing tired of hearing the phrase single mum thrown about when in the majority of cases these mothers aren't.

OP posts:
MissMogwi · 30/05/2015 21:43

Definitely a GF.

What business is of yours what other single parents call themselves and why? Get a grip, or a hobby.

1Morewineplease · 30/05/2015 21:43

A single parent is a parent who brings up their child/children up on their own. Anything else must surely be joint custody ... No matter how little the other parent's contribution is ( unless absent).
A definition that annoys me a lot... Have a friend who moans constantly about being a single parent whose partner has access during the week , does more school runs than her and has children alternate weekends.. Makes me cross

RubyMay82 · 30/05/2015 21:48

Seriously fucks me off too!

In a relationship with the Dad, Dad doesn't happen to stay at the same house

Single parent
No.

Oh I know what it's like my man is offshore & I'm alone 2 weeks at a time.

It's not the fucking same,
You have the emotional support
Financial support
You KNOW they're back in 2 weeks

Kid, new relationship
New man has kids too
New man moves in
Still a single parent as new man not my kids dad

No. Just no!

I have brought my daughter up solo, MYSELF. Financially, practically & emotionally.

I am a single parent.

I hate the label but it's what I am.

Why some try & jump on the bandwagon I do not know but it boils my piss.

RubyMay82 · 30/05/2015 21:52

Saying that I also think though a lot of these posts are right,
If you live by yourself, even if you get maintenance / your kids spend time with your ex that is also a single parent in my eyes!

Sidalee7 · 30/05/2015 21:56

I am single. I have dc. Therefore I am a single parent.

It's not a competition!!!!!

I have a supportive involved ex do who pays over the odds on maintenance and mortgage payments. I have a reasonably paid job. I don't struggle for money and genuinely respect and admire any one who does.

When people say to me "oooh it must be hard" I actually say No, it's actually very easy BUT it's not always, it's relentless and scary and lonely even with money and support.

Notso · 30/05/2015 21:57

Surely single parent just means they are no longer with the other parent.
It's not an indication of how much help and support the person is getting.

TheHappinessTrap · 30/05/2015 21:59

Hm. I always thought of both of my parents as single parents. After they separated and mum kept me and dad kept my brother, with a brief exchange only during the summer holidays, they v much got on with patenting their charge single handedly.

Sidalee7 · 30/05/2015 22:03

And echoing another poster I aldo resent people who tell me how "lucky" I am that I get weekends free when my dc are with their dads - I would also always rather have them full time in a family unit and never set out to be a single parent.

Sidalee7 · 30/05/2015 22:04

Dad singular - not dads!

girliefriend · 30/05/2015 22:04

I think there is a difference between a single parent and a lone parent.

My friend is a single parent. She is divorced from her husband and has the children most of the time however their dad is around and has them regularly.

I am a lone parent, I have sole parental responsibility and dd has no contact with her father.

Imo there is a big difference.

SycamoreMum · 30/05/2015 22:13

How about just saying, "I'm a mother/father." No other labels. Thanks Flower power and all that.

SoupDragon · 30/05/2015 22:15

Oooh! Competitive single parenting! "I have it worse than you because "

Who cares?

oabiti · 30/05/2015 22:18

I see myself as a 'double' parent as I feel, most of the time, I need to be mum & dad.

cleanmyhouse · 30/05/2015 22:18

Ok, well then I have been both a loan parent and a single parent. For the first 8 years or so, their dad was pretty shit, no maintenance, sporadic contact. for the last 4 there has been good contact, now 3 nights a week every week, still no money.

What does it matter?

All this post has achieved is to piss loads of people off and make it into some kind of competition.

Well done Lisalou, your work here is done.

Sammasati · 30/05/2015 22:26

My dss mum is co-parenting 50/50 with her xh (my dp), she is a single parent as she doesn't live with her dp yet (we are all hoping so much that she does soon as she deserves a lovely man to be in her life and her dp sounds really special). My dp how has his ds (my dss) for half of the time so isn't a single parent as I parent my 2 dc and his ds with him. Before I lived with my dp I classed myself as a lone parent as my dc's 'father' abandoned our dc. Ok that is that sorted Wink

Do people really care what other parents call themselves? Really?

First world problem, no?

suz1980 · 30/05/2015 22:26

Jeez lets scrutinise your life and see what category you feel like you belong to in society and let us judge you on whether we feel you deserve it. I bet you wouldn't be to happy about it. No need whatsoever for this post. I am a single parent and I am proud of the role I have bringing up my DS without much help. Who the eff are you to judge.

Sammasati · 30/05/2015 22:26

Now not how.

PtolemysNeedle · 30/05/2015 22:34

This thread is so weird. I am can't believe we have mothers competing over how single they are. It's madness. And pointless.

I co parent. I'm also a single parent. It's a non issue to anyone else.

suz1980 · 30/05/2015 22:37

I would like apologise for my post rantbut this has hit a raw nerve. Blush

PoundingTheStreets · 30/05/2015 23:04

If nothing else this should go to show that labels on families are meaningless and what counts is quality of parenting and stability of family life, not the actual number of parents of their living arrangements.

Traditional nuclear/extended families, single parent families with/without actively involved other parent, same-sex couples - ALL are equally capable of providing a child with a loving, stable and nurturing environment.

cleanmyhouse · 30/05/2015 23:04

I'm laughing at the fact that i called myself a loan parent. That's got to be a whole other kind of parent altogether.

SoupDragon · 30/05/2015 23:10

This thread is so weird. I am can't believe we have mothers competing over how single they are.

Isn't there only one mother playing Competitive Single Parenthood?

SoupDragon · 30/05/2015 23:11

Ah yes. A goady fucker.

First and only posts.
Goady subject.
Deliberately argumentative.

Bog off.

foslady · 30/05/2015 23:59

Amazing once SurlyCue pointed out why she was reporting the GF Fucked off

Cheers!Wine

SurlyCue · 31/05/2015 00:30

Yeah shes off to fuck more goadies Grin