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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that too many women refer to themselves as single mums/parents when they are not?

158 replies

Lisalou1 · 30/05/2015 19:42

Without intentionally wanting to spoil the peace I just want to know why so many women refer to themselves as single mums or parents when infact they're aren't. In my opinion a single mum or single parent is a parent who cares for and looks after their children on their own without any help whatsoever from the other parent? Am I totally wrong in thinking this?

Only I have friends/family members/work colleagues/aquiantneces etc etc who constantly refer to themselves as single parents and the majority of these (women) still have the father of their children around and very much involved in their children's lives. Some have new partners and of a weekend get to send their children off with their fathers and some are still single yet have extremely amicable arrangements in place with their ex were they have them coming and going constantly from their houses helping out with the children, watching them why they go on nights out, helping out with housework etc. Now in these sort of cases would I be wrong in thinking that these women aren't single parents at all and instead are just mothers to their children who have help from their ex partners? as I'm really growing tired of hearing the phrase single mum thrown about when in the majority of cases these mothers aren't.

OP posts:
woowoo22 · 30/05/2015 19:44

YANBU - "my husband works away, I'm a single parent", "he works long hours, I'm a single parent" FUCK OFF

Gets on my nerves.

FenellaFellorick · 30/05/2015 19:45

I have always thought that you are a single parent if you are a parent who is single and who has primary custody of your children. As in not in a relationship with the father of your child or a serious live in / long term relationship with someone else.

Kvetch15 · 30/05/2015 19:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ghostyslovesheep · 30/05/2015 19:47

I am single

I am a parent

I live alone with my children

what would you like to call me Confused

I don't use the term much myself but society like the label

FenellaFellorick · 30/05/2015 19:48

Oh. And someone is still a single parent if they have family support or an ex who hadn't fucked off. You don't have to be completely alone in the world with nobody to help out ever in order to be a single parent.

Ludoole · 30/05/2015 19:48

I would use the term lone parent if the child didn't see the other parent at all. My dc see their dad and i class myself as a single parent.

MirandaWest · 30/05/2015 19:49

What was I when I wasn't in a relationship with anyone and I was a parent?

Rebecca2014 · 30/05/2015 19:49

No they are a single parent. Just because the father is around does not mean they are not a single parent. They are alone in their household with the children and paying all the bills/rent alone.

Woowoo22 point though is pot on, very annoying the women who do have partners and scream they feel like a single parent.

MinimumPayment · 30/05/2015 19:49

I don't know what I'd call it or if it matters what it's called but every other Friday night when my neighbour's ex collects their Dc, leaving her with her new man for the whole weekend, I do think it can't be all bad Grin

tumbletumble · 30/05/2015 19:49

To me a single parent is anyone who is single and a parent and cares for their DC for more than half the time. Even if the other parent is still involved.

MollieCoddler · 30/05/2015 19:49

Interesting. I refer to anyone who lives without a partner but with children as a 'single parent'. Agreed though, some single parents seem to have a far easier time than others

Original poster
Lisalou1 · 30/05/2015 19:50

Ghostly, id say yes, if you're on you're own with no input from your child's father, then yes a single parent.

OP posts:
EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 30/05/2015 19:51

In my opinion a single mum or single parent is a parent who cares for and looks after their children on their own without any help whatsoever from the other parent? Am I totally wrong in thinking this?

Yes you are!!! I'm a parent, I'm single, ergo I am a single parent. What the fuck else am I if I'm not a single parent?

fiveacres · 30/05/2015 19:52

Being a single parent doesn't mean you have to have a hard life.

ghostyslovesheep · 30/05/2015 19:52

my children's father has plenty of input

I am still single, living alone and a parent

AnyoneForTennis · 30/05/2015 19:53

Yabu

You know nothing

TwinkieTwinkle · 30/05/2015 19:53

I sometimes find it a difficult one. I'm a single parent as my son's dad committed suicide. I am literally his only parent. I find it slightly aggravating sometimes when friends complain about how hard life is as a single parent when they are receiving very good maintenance and have joint custody with their ex partners.

ghostyslovesheep · 30/05/2015 19:54

welcome to MN Grin

CalleighDoodle · 30/05/2015 19:55

Er, no. You are a single parent if the child/rens father has left and you are not in a rationship with them. Regardless of how much help you perceive them to be having. It is very simply not the same as having a partner.

Women whose husbands work long hours / away during the week / or are lazy are most certainly NOT single parents.

CalleighDoodle · 30/05/2015 19:55

relationship ive had a few proseccos

Kvetch15 · 30/05/2015 19:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 30/05/2015 19:59

I don't think the problem is with the definition. It is that the definition doesn't fit the stereotype.

A wealthy single parent who has an involved ex who has the kids a couple of weeknights and every other weekend may have in many ways a better quality of life than a broke couple where the partner works 14 hour days and she does every single thing for the children.But one is a single parent and the other isn't.

Fairy13 · 30/05/2015 19:59

I am single.
I am a parent.
Yes, my Ds goes to his dad's every other weekend. I even have a boyfriend.

My boyfriend doesn't live with me, doesn't help with childcare etc and dad doesn't do anything in between the eow arrangement...

I am a single parent.

If my bf moved in with me I wouldn't be any more.

The5DayChicken · 30/05/2015 19:59

Even by your definition, I'm a single parent. But your definition is very exclusive.

If my ex had my DD for even two hours a week, would I not be a single parent?

I'm quite happy with the normal definition...a parent with children in residence who is single.

Emochild · 30/05/2015 20:00

It's more annoying when you see people on dating websites describe themselves as single parents then when you get talking to them they have their child 1 night a fortnight or something

My ex has one of our 2 children 1 night a month and has zero contact in between
My family live 60-100 miles away

Am I allowed to call myself a single parent?

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