Page 5 | to ask those of you who consider yourself to have a good and happy life

ChuffinAda · 2015-05-29T06:07:24+00:00

What's the secret? I feel like I got a shit hand when they were giving out good lives! I'm sure things aren't meant to be THIS hard

Loafline · 29/05/2015 22:04

I feel it's luck. I met a wonderful man, who adores me, we have easy kids and we have our health. But we work at it too! But i do feel life deals a shitty hand to some.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 29/05/2015 22:10

I'm sorry for your loss Flambola

missymayhemsmum · 29/05/2015 22:55

I know it's a cliche but I found advice from F Scott Peck (the Road Less Travelled) inspirational. Life is hard. Love is hard work.

If you spend your life complaining because your life is hard you will be miserable. If you spend your time patting yourself on the back because your life is hard but you are awesome and a hero you will be happier but irritating.
If you accept that life is hard, shoulder the burden, and celebrate the good bits you will be happy.

If you have a roof over your head, your kids are alive and you have friends and access to a computer then life is not as hard as it could be.

GranSteadsRhubarb · 29/05/2015 23:04

Be creative every day - get a camera, some sketching pencils and draw.
Enjoy what you see around you - delight in the landscape, smell the flowers, stand in the sun, look at the beauty of the raindrops
Hug your children, your DP, your friends
Smile at everybody, you don't know what they are going through and you might just make them a little happier

DownWithThisTypeOfThing · 29/05/2015 23:12

I see some people complain about everything...how people raise their kids, benefits other people get, perceived rudeness/breaches of etiquette and I think there's a lot to be said for not sweating the small stuff. I think when you dedicate brain space to negativity it becomes all pervading. Essentially, the happiest people I know are not concerned with point scoring and other people's "failings". One of the most miserable people I had the misfortune to be related to had such a small world. I think thas partly why she fixated on petty grievances rather than doing stuff or making a difference.

I never knew I was such a hippy.

PeppermintCrayon · 29/05/2015 23:14

silveracorn I think we had the same dad...

Bit frustrated by people saying not to compare yourself. I don't have a family (similar reasons to flambola) and am surrounded by people who do. How can I not compare?

I have accepted that life is a) hard and b) what you make of it. Still feel like shit at what I've lost though.

Fromparistoberlin73 · 29/05/2015 23:20

Flambola

Fromparistoberlin73 · 29/05/2015 23:22

Agree life can deal a shitty hand - and it's hard for people to rise . Possible and there are many resources out there

ladydepp · 29/05/2015 23:27

I agree with so much on this thread. We all have crap things that happen, some much more than others. The key for me is not to dwell on the bad stuff, just keep moving forward and look to the future.

I have close family members who are depressed and negative most of the time, I know I don't want to be that way so I make sure that I stay positive and keep doing things I enjoy with people who make me feel good about myself. And as someone up thread said, if you're a happy and positive person then you attract the same. It's not about having a charmed life, you need to create that for yourself!

Fromparistoberlin73 · 29/05/2015 23:31

People's experiences and resilience - wow - feel a bit teary reading this it's been an emotional week !

My main reaction is I am so so sooooo pleased my friend and her lovely DH got to adopt her two little boys - as it saved them from a childhood that so many of you have sadly experienced

wickedwaterwitch · 29/05/2015 23:37

Nice thread! Some interesting and sad lists here, well done to everyone who had a difficult childhood and overcame it

I'm happy because

I'm happily married
I get on well with my children
I have a job I like and we have enough money
I have great friends
I do a lot of things that make me happy: watch films, read books, walk, go out for dinner, plan nice things, cuddle my children etc

I think that last one is really important and it's easy not to do it

thornrose · 29/05/2015 23:40

I have made free choices throughout my life. Some choices were good and some were bad but they were mine and I made them for a reason, at the time.

A number of things happened that I didn't choose and had no control over and they have affected my life in ways I wouldn't have chosen.

Currently I have lots to be thankful for and I am. I also have a very difficult time every day due to my dd's autism, anxiety, depression and MH issues.

When I step out of my front door I see the sea, that gives me endless pleasure. I have a garden and I live in a nice, safe area. My mum and my dsis live round the corner from me. I have good friends and I enjoy my job.

Every day I hit the depths of despair and genuinely wonder how I carry on. Then I pull myself up and look around for what is good right now. There's always something.

I don't look at others lives and make comparisons. They're not me. That frees me up from bitterness and envy which in my opinion is a major factor in people being dissatisfied with their own life.

wurlycurly · 29/05/2015 23:54

I wasn't dealt a shit hand, though appreciate many were. I couldn't have children and reached some sort of pit of despair. And crawled out of it. I truly believe that acting happy helps. Do not look inward: turn your eye out into the world. Life is much better under a great big sky then it is hemmed in by four walls. I did eventually have a child, and she is a great source of joy to me but I know (from the pit of despair and the crawling out of it) that I'd be happy without her. I also think I might have spent an entire past life in the gut of a cow as just seeing the sky makes me happy.

BackforGood · 30/05/2015 00:06

Like so many others, I don't think it's to do with what life has dealt you, but it's to do with the way you perceive that. What I don't know is if that comes from your personality or your upbringing, your faith, or what.

We've had probably more than our "fair share" of difficulties, but overall, I've always been able to 'look on the bright side' / find the silver lining / or whatever other phrase you want to trot out.
I stick to the 'when life gives you melons, make lemonade' way of thinking. There's always someone worse off that yourself, which is strangely comforting in a way that's odd, as it's not a very kind or generous thought.

If you start dwelling on the negative things, then I think life becomes a bit of a downward spiral, and you then become more 'down' , and it's harder to get out, or you find yourself with fewer friends, and so life feels worse, and so on and so forth.

duplodon · 30/05/2015 00:30

Acceptance that life can bring great meaning, vitality and purpose AND to get those, you are always at risk of loss, failure and grief.

Happiness isn't a very good goal, because it always implies the absence of pain and that's not realistic. No one is positive all the time unless they're some sort of sociopath or Stepford wife.

Sooner or later in life the things you love you lose... This is just fact, we all go into the grave alone.

So, you know, get busy living. Live the fuck out of life in all it has to offer: love with your whole heart, grieve with your whole heart, laugh with your whole heart, cry with your whole heart. It's all part of what life is, so throw yourself into it. Be open, be present, do what matters and don't feel you need to smack a fake false smile on it when your heart is broken to believe your life has true meaning.

duplodon · 30/05/2015 00:39

And I read that and it sounds a bit miserable but it's not. I just think positive attitude stuff is a load of cock and bull when the shit really hits the fan. I met a woman last week whose husband, two children and unborn child were killed in a car crash. I don't think any amount of positive thinking will ever make that okay and I don't think there can be judgement of how 'well' you come back after tragedies like those.

thornrose · 30/05/2015 00:47

Acceptance that life can bring great meaning, vitality and purpose AND to get those, you are always at risk of loss, failure and grief.

That just sums up our fragile existence.

SonceyD0g · 30/05/2015 00:59

If ?ou actually wake up in the morning and the world is still turning its a good day. It's definitely better than the alternative everything else is minor in comparison!

HellKitty · 30/05/2015 01:14

Learn to live without regrets. Everything good or bad is something to learn from.

It depends if you're a negative person, to retrain yourself to think differently. I have an illness but I'm happy I've been diagnosed and am getting treatment. My cat shit on the floor, I'm glad I didn't stand in it

I always try to see the bright side of things BUT if I'm worried about something I think up the worse possible scenario so that anything other is a bonus.

owlborn · 30/05/2015 01:15

I keep being uncertain if it's attitude or luck. Like, on one hand I feel like I have an incredibly lucky life. I have a loving and supportive family, a gorgeous DH who has stuck by me through thick and thin, a lovely home, fabulous close friends, financial security and I've had some great experiences - travel, career, education.

On the other hand, I guess at times it's been pretty rough. My mum died when I was little, I've been hospitalised with MH issues before, and although DH and I are financially stable now, we've had some nasty patches, and at our worst I remember us trying to live on two potatoes, a can of tuna and six Mr Kipling pies between two for a week. My ex prior to DH was horror movie abusive and put me in hospital and I've had some very upsetting failed pregnancies.

But right now I still feel blessed because none of the bad cancels out the amazing of the good.

BeaLola · 30/05/2015 01:39

I grew up always feeling loved and whilst we didn't have holidays or the latest things I always felt loved and I think that's helped me as I 've grown up - family.

I've done pretty well in life. I have a truly lovely DH. I have pretty good health. I've worked hard and have a nest egg. Nothing horrible has ever happened to me until I had 3 miscarriages following IVF treatment and my fab Mum died from cancer.

That was a tough time. But I'm glad my Mum was my Mum IYSWIM. And as for the miscarriages at the time I thought I would never be a Mummy and yet I am as we adopted our wonderful 7 year old DS a few years ago. I don't want for anything, in fact I 'm hard pressed to think of anything I really really want but I still feel really loved and I just feel content and happy - maybe boring to some but It does me.

ClawofBumhead · 30/05/2015 01:51

"The first eighteen or so years of my life were miserable (very complicated family situation), so perhaps its just that I appreciate 'ordinariness' more than I would otherwise"

Me too!

Boring ordinary life is the most opulent luxury, and people have no fucking idea.

ClawofBumhead · 30/05/2015 01:52

"The first eighteen or so years of my life were miserable (very complicated family situation), so perhaps its just that I appreciate 'ordinariness' more than I would otherwise"

Me too!

Boring ordinary life is the most opulent luxury, and people have no idea.

ClawofBumhead · 30/05/2015 01:52

"The first eighteen or so years of my life were miserable (very complicated family situation), so perhaps its just that I appreciate 'ordinariness' more than I would otherwise"

Me too!

Boring ordinary life is the most opulent luxury, and people have no idea.

ClawofBumhead · 30/05/2015 01:52

"The first eighteen or so years of my life were miserable (very complicated family situation), so perhaps its just that I appreciate 'ordinariness' more than I would otherwise"

Me too!

Boring ordinary life is the most opulent luxury, and people have no idea.