to ask those of you who consider yourself to have a good and happy life

[ChuffinAda]

What's the secret?

I feel like I got a shit hand when they were giving out good lives! I'm sure things aren't meant to be THIS hard

My mum says I was a sunny baby and I'm certainly a glass half full person. Always have been.

I wasn't brought up with lots of advantages but I was dearly loved and, perhaps more importantly, accepted for who I am.

So whilst I've had a lot of success and good luck in my adult life I think the best gift has been the fact that I like myself .

I don't think there's a secret to it. And I'm sure you could have two people with pretty much identical lives, and one could feel happy and the other could feel hard done by, so much of it is about one's perception of life rather than the actual events IYSWIM.

I tend to think of myself as having an overall happy life, and sometimes it gives me a jolt when people sympathise with me over certain things- eg we've had serious illness in the family, a disability plus (at earlier points in my life) money worries. I wasn't particularly happy at school and was bullied for a while.

Things that work for me, as a self-boost if I do feel a bit crap, is to remind myself:

• life isn't fair. There will always be people better off, luckier, healthier etc But by the same token there's always those worse off
• life is a journey. Just because something negative has happened it doesn't have to define you. You can move on, with the right support, from the shit life throws

I don't know - I've had some really bad stuff happen, but it doesn't bother me, lots of people have worse. I think it's the attitude you have, I work with someone who is the bitterest, most self-pitying person you would ever meet. She actually has a good life, but her dreadful attitude sabotages things for her, i.e. friendships, relationships with her DH & family.

I did consider myself generally happy until a few years ago ( although have always struggled with depression and anxiety). In the past few years we have struggled with the sudden loss of both my mum and my mother in law which has unsettled me as now I just think abot what could happen next. i worry constantly about finances, losing our home and one or both of us becoming ill. On the whole I have been lucky to have a good career, found a lovely husband and have 4 healthy , happy kids. It has been a combination of good luck and help from family.

ChuffinAda, sorry you feel like this. I had a bad phase of really bad luck and ill health a few years back and began to wonder the same. Things picked up though. The only advice I can give you is to really think what you want - not what anyone else wants from you - and what will keep you happy and healthy independent, and that includes money. A lot of "life advice" is quite wishy washy rather than practical. Focusing on the practical ways I can improve my life has always been of great benefit to me. Hope things start to go your way soon.

I didn't have the best of childhoods, particularly my teenage years and I was deeply unhappy. That has helped me to be a much happier adult because no matter how bad things get, life is so, so much better than it was then and I am truly grateful for that every day.

Also I am a great believer in the NLP (I think) idea that your mind wants to prove you right, so if you look for proof that you are crap at making friends you remember all the times when it all went badly with people. Whereas if you look for them there may be an equal number of times when you did make friends. So I try to remember to use positive language when I am talking to myself. I realise that sounds a bit woo but it really works for me.

Also as others have said try not to compare. A lot of people who appear to lead a charmed life are faking it.

for you

It's an interesting question, OP and it's been very enlightening to read everyone's answers. I'm pretty frustrated with my life at the moment but reading your question made me realise I still don't think I have a bad life.

It's an irritating life and I've got stuck in a rut but I know I just have to keep trying new paths and eventually I'll get back to bouncing-down-the-street-happy again.

Before the last few years, I would have said I had a good and happy life even though (arguably) more 'bad' things happened in that period. So, for me, happiness is about my attitude to what is happening rather than the events themselves iyswim It's also about being true to myself and my own needs (if that doesn't sound too cliched ) I'm at my happiest when there is as little disconnect as possible between (1) my values and how I'm living; (2) between how I see myself and how the people around me see me

For me, the company that I keep has an impact too. I find people who are negative very draining so constant exposure to them can chip away at my happiness.

The only Zen you find at the top of the mountain is the Zen you bring up there ~ Robert Pirsig

I've spent most of my childhood/teens/twenties being an outsider/loner. I don't have any friends (haven't had any since age 13), never had a relationship etc. I suppose i'm just stuck in a rut and i'm scared of taking that first step, but I have to do something or my life will always be this way. I just wish I had a good friend, life is hard and lonely otherwise.

It's definitely all in your approach. Both of these statements are true...

My daughter has a chronic health problem which severely impacts on her quality of life. She uses a wheelchair and it breaks my heart to see her struggle. I have depression and cannot work because of my poor mental health, coupled with needing to look after dd. DH works long hours in a stressful environment for less money than he deserves.

My daughter is much loved and supported, she has goals and dreams and we try to work towards her fulfilling them. I have friends who support me and we do fun things together. My DH loves spending time with us and we have lots of family time together. We have a lovely home and a gorgeous doggie.

Some days I can only see the first statement, other days I can acknowledge the bottom one too.

and OP

I think perspective and thankfulness helps me see that I have a good and happy life (as asked in OP) But I'm still reeling after a family tragedy last year
This makes me feel that it's not realistic to think we can always be happy - some people live through such serious shit challenges.
Hopefully with time most people will be able to find a measure of joy and happiness again in the future.
Especially if we value what's really important and notice the little things. I think ideas of mindfulness have something going for them x

Try being happy/excited about the little things - your favourite dinner/something good on tv/seeing a friend/a sneaky bar of chocolate/getting the giggles when you shouldn't/getting your pj's on and going to bed after a hard day - these things soon add up and make you happy. We lead a pretty simple life, no foreign holidays or expensive clothes or gadgets, just us plodding along laughing when things go wrong (obviously not always, some things you just can't laugh at). I'm disabled, as is DM (but thankfully can both still work), family and friends always make light of the situation because it helps us all deal with it. If we didn't laugh we'd cry. Sometimes I get down and ask 'why us'? But everyone has their crosses to bear and I'm just glad I can deal with mine. Hope this helps a bit and you can deal with yours' too.

Reading some of these post makes me realise how resilient people can be to you all.
As other posts have said, good solid upbringing helps, positive mental attitude, there will always be things that get you down but don't wallow. Set yourself small achievable goals and be thankful for and look after the good things you have.

When times have been very hard, and there was some serious stress, there were a few things that helped me. I volunteer or work in addictions or homelessness whatever else is happening. Nothing like realising quite how bad things can be for making you appreciate your warm bed and running water. I tend to be a happy person generally. I think this is genetic. Some children are just born happier. I was and remain optomistic. I really try to appreciate the things that are going well. I was lucky enough, when things were pretty grim, to have decent health and a partner I loved. At other times (with poor health and no partner) I had great friends and a loving family.

Mixture of good luck & good choices.

I cba looking back, dwelling or thinking about bad shit, I think that's what makes today good.

Secret is not to be nappy but to be content. No one can be happy all the time but you can be content.

I think being able to find contentment in everyday life is important. Before I married and had children I loved to travel and worked mainly to afford to travel. I didn't think I would ever settle for the day to day grind of marriage and children. Eventually I did get married and fell pregnant. My first baby was stillborn at 42 weeks, second miscarried at ten weeks and the child of my only successful pregnancy was diagnosed with leukaemia at 4.
I know how utterly heartbroken and desolate it is possible to feel so am able to appreciate the most ordinary moments of my life as at certain points I thought I would be denied them forever.
My daughter is now 8 years old and in remission. Taking her to school, watching school plays, having family holidays and days out make me happier than anything.

After being repeatedly raped throughout my teens, being emotionally neglected as a child and as close to prison, murder and suicide as one can be, I have turned my life around and now, in my 30s, live the life I have always dreamed of. The thing that makes me the happiest is love. A love that touches the deepest, most depressed and painful part of myself and heals it. This comes from my husband, but before I met my husband it came from God/Universe/Higher Power and myself. Love from those three sources sustains me.

I had to learn to love myself and realise that I was part of something much bigger than just me. I saw that the effect that other people had had on my life, getting me down and making me believe I wasn't good enough, I was powerful enough to reverse. I then realised that I could uplift other people and give them self-esteem and belief in themselves. That was a HUGE moment for me, because I realised I could be a force for good in the world and other people's lives, as well as having the power to transform the way I felt about myself.

Once I noticed this, I began to see things about other people I had never seen before. I started to realise why people did the things they did and gained a better understanding and empathy for others.

I went from thinking that I was the worst of the worst, scum of the earth (while acting and pretending that I was superior), into knowing my worth. I try to see myself as and carry myself like a Queen and a Goddess. This gives me a quiet confidence that makes me stay humble and has improved my relationships no end.

I found that I had to re-parent myself. The voices in my childhood were still in my head and I had to reprogram them. The ideal mother I had always craved had to manifest in my self-talk and self-treatment to enable me to heal. Realising that there was nothing inherently wrong with me empowered me to see that I could heal and become something greater than I had ever been.

Now I live for a purpose that is greater than myself, to do whatever I can to improve the quality of life for humankind in general. Though my contribution so far is very small, I dedicate all my words, actions and choices to this ideal and hope to do things to improve the world in future.

red I would say that I am pretty happy most of the time and yet to rarely content.

I like to push and challenge myself. I'm ambitious for so many areas of my life it's a running joke.

I met a person who considered themself very lucky, an example was a horse had kicked them really hard but missed all their vitals, so they were still alive and able to walk.

I would have called this really unlucky (being kicked hard by a horse and ages of pain and treatment), now i try to think of more silver linings.

try this book 'How to be happy' by Liggy Webb.

Gratitude. No matter how shit it is or has been, it could always, always have been worse. There but for the grace of god...

A positive attitude and a good sense of humour. Also, strive for contentment rather than happiness, as happiness is an "in the moment" feeling.

I think I have a great life - I have a lovely DH, a job I love and we have recently paid off almost £20,000 in debt and are now working to save up for a house.
I have had terrible health problems in 2014 which after 4 operations are hopefully behind me now, having been in so much pain etc has made me so so grateful for what I have. I remember lying in ICU in hospital in agony just wishing I could go home and live a normal day, pain free, cook dinner with DH and watch a DVD. I realised I don't need to yearn after anything, as long as I am well.

A lot of it comes down to your disposition; I'm naturally quite happy and jolly, so nothing much gets me down. I had a crappy start in life, spending my first ten years in foster homes and being quite poorly treated in several. I went to live with my Mum and Dad when I was 10 and they gave me the world, showed me how to be happy, how to enjoy life, how to work hard. Those lessons have helped hugely as an adult. I had counselling, too, which helped me to see that my past must never define or hold me back, and that my value doesn't lie with others but with me (cliched but so, so true).

I'm lucky in so many ways; a lovely DH, a lovely home and two lovely (ish) little boys. I have a job I enjoy and no financial worries.

The things that make me happiest in life are the DCs. I always wanted to be a Mum but had dreadful, awful doubts that I'd never be able to give them the stable, happy life I'd craved as a child. I've proved myself wrong and they are happy, content and joy-filled little buggers. Every time I see them doing new things, playing together or watch them while they sleep, I get a glow that I'm helping raise two lovely creatures. I get happiness seeing them learn and grow, take chances and challenge themselves, and for me the secret of being happy is simply trying to enjoy what I have right now, not worrying about other inconsequential stuff.