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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask those of you who consider yourself to have a good and happy life

234 replies

ChuffinAda · 29/05/2015 07:07

What's the secret?

I feel like I got a shit hand when they were giving out good lives! I'm sure things aren't meant to be THIS hard

OP posts:
BrendaBlackhead · 01/06/2015 17:30

Yes, an absorbing passion would I am sure be a panacea for a lot. I am extremely passionless: I flit about and enjoy this, that and the other, but I am not obsessively interested in any one thing. Also I'm not a joiner. If I do commit to going to something, after maximum two sessions I'm groaning and moaning about having to go and thinking of excuses. Trouble is I'm nagging the dcs about hobbies and "finding your passion" and in almost complete denial that I'm hurling stones at a very glassy house.

TheWordFactory · 01/06/2015 17:35

My passion is books both the reading and writing of.

It's also my ( rather lucrative ) career.

This makes me absurdly happy.

I have never ever joined FB.

Bellaisnotmyname · 01/06/2015 18:19

I very much like the Ehrmann poem, very wise.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 01/06/2015 18:45

Do you think that might make a nice new thread - what are your hobbies, interests, and passions? I might give that a whirl. Possibly. Though sure similar must have been done before.
It's got me thinking about what I like and I realise there are quite a few things I'm interested in some of which I could definitely explore more. It's easy to feel you don't have anything much but when you think about it most people have some things that float their boat?
Am not criticising any slight derailment BTW I'm the Queen of tangential discussion Grin

5 things that interest me ...
Traveling including walking
Wild flowers (do lots of wildlife watching too but that's more dh's thing)
Music - everything from classical to world (but everyone with a soul has to like music?)
Writing - with word on that, especially poetry and/or wisdom (exciting that you make a living from writing Word Envy)
And for a fifth ... maybe family history - more interested in this since I had DC which seems only natural

Anyway in a feeble attempt to get my post back to thread topic I'd agree having some interests and developing these is important to our sense of identity and enthusiasm for life - and hence our happiness

Flowerpower41 · 12/06/2015 07:00

My main hobby is piano playing I don't set myself a tight target about how much to play weekly but I do so enjoy it. It is a release from stress. Even half hour or 45 mins. here and there or even 10 mins. on an extra busy day can get me away from it all into a different world for a short while! :)

StarsInTheNightSky · 12/06/2015 09:18

I would say that I am very happy and content, but my life has been far from easy in the traditional sense, although not a patch on what some poor people go through. I was once told that everyone is dealt a hand of cards, but how you play them is up to you.

I was repeatedly raped, beaten and abused when I was a teen, it took me a long time to get past it a d the severe PTSD it left me with. I then had two abusive partners. I had a bad accident, severely damaged my spinal chord and became paraplegic, only just after getting together with DH (who I had been friends with for years). DH nursed me through it all, and being paralysed from the waist down is messy, but he never once complained or made me feel like anything other than the most beautiful woman in the world.
Against the odds and against all medical opinion I did manage to learn to walk again, but I'm in chronic pain all the time and I have almost zero feeling in my legs, on bad days I have to walk with crutches. At the time I had my accident my two passions were semi-pro ballroom and latin dancing and event riding, both of which I had to give up. It was hard, I had always been very graceful but I am very clumsy now, it took a while for me to adjust, but it's a heck of an improvement on being told you'll never walk again.
We then suffered numerous pregnancy losses, had an extremely difficult pregnancy with DS, he and I both nearly died on the operating table, but all turned out fine and he's now a constantly cheery and bold little chap. We emigrated, and that made a huge difference to us, it meant that we could buy a ranch, we own the land as far as the eye can see and we've renovated the house. Life is very peaceful now.
Earlier this year I had another miscarriage, it came shortly before I was diagnosed with cancer which they aren't sure whether treatment and surgery will work on yet.
I know that a lot of people have it a whole lot worse, and I'm so grateful for what we have, I am genuinely happy and feel that I have a good life. I think it's in part about taking your victories where you can find them, even the small ones. For me, when DSs is asleep and DH is in the bath, I love sitting on the balcony off our bedroom with a blanket around me and a cup of tea, my dogs snuggled around my feet watching the sun go down on the horizon. Just that half an hour I treasure. Or watching DS run through the long grass giggling, and falling on his bum then giggling even more.
The other part I think is insulating yourself against as many of the bad things as you can, for example, we now have two Caucasian Ovcharkas, and I know they would take down anyone who tried to hurt any of us, despite the fact that they're enormous cuddle monsters with DH, DS and I. I am also training a horse to respond to hand and voice commands so that I can ride again. It will just be gentle trekking, but it's still more than I thought I'd ever do. Emigrating was the biggest thing though, completely different style and pace of life.

Ohchristmastreeohchristmastree · 12/06/2015 13:05

so sorry to hear of all the hard things some people have been through. There are lots of very brave individual here.

I do believe in positive attitude to a degree, but sometimes I have had things happen to me in my life that just effect me on a level that I have no control over. Sometimes I find trying to see the positive in things and trying to get myself in a better place just puts me in a worse place, like trying to scramble out of a deep pit and only making the sides deeper. And the only thing that has really helped is stopping trying to make things better and accepting the situation in all its crapness.

Sometimes all I can do is cry, grieve and totally let whatever the emotion is come to the surface and accept it. I try to use the BUddhist philosophy of respecting all emotions and not to try and run from them and I have found this really helpful. It is a very hard thing to do and I am still working on a lot of shit.

Two of my favourite quotes are

'You can't polish a turd'
And 'sometimes you have to admit you feel like a piece of shit, and not be squeamish about having a good look' Pema Chodron.

AsI said I am still working on some things, but this way of dealing with things has surprised me every time I use it and has offered me insights and forgiveness where I didn't think it possible.

StarsInTheNightSky · 12/06/2015 14:21

ohchristmas I agree completely, if not things just get bottled up and explode further down the line, working your way through things and accepting that some things are truly crap, but that's just part of life, has been really helpful to me too. Also knowing that I have known complete and true happiness, which I have now, really helps, as some people never get to experience it, so even if things change tomorrow, I'm still so lucky to have had that.

silveracorn · 13/06/2015 17:49

Christmas and Stars you are very wise. I grew up in a depressed and aggressive atmosphere, so my way of dealing with it is to be Pollyannaish about everything on the surface, and hide the fermenting depression and anxiety inside. Only just now realising that it's better to openly admit when times are tough and sort them, than hide them.

Khuli don't give up on finding friends. It took me years and years when we moved. had loads of acquaintances that got me through the first few years but they drifted away and I had no one for a couple of years. Nor did DH. We had no invites one year! Then gradually they started filtering in. Over the past year we've to dinners, parties, drinks, BBQs and to a ball and turned down loads of other invitations. Later this year I'm off for a weekend with some local friends. This is something I'd not have imagined possible a year ago, as it seemed everyone around us was partying and we were the billynomates who were never invited.

As other people have said, don't latch on to people quickly, be easy company, turn up to things that interest you and initiate a few too. Don't worry if it takes time. It's worth keeping on trying or you never get out of the rut.

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