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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU - bridezilla dictating what guests should wear

224 replies

Lillyblossom · 28/05/2015 10:30

Would like to know if IABU about this?

A dear friend of mine is getting married next month. It was a selected child free wedding. Some children are attending some aren't the couple have children. We sorted childcare with the PIL but FIL is due a opp the day before so they told us they could no longer babysit so the couple have said we can bring DD.

My friend and I were chatting on the phone recently and she said how angry she was that so many people intended to wear white dresses to her wedding that she had to say something. On FB may I add a angry status along the lines of if anyone dares wear white to my wedding I will throw you out, how dare anyone try to upstage me.

Anyway we had a conversation about this and she asked my opinion and I said I wasn't really overly bothered. Some ladies wore white dresses at mine and it really didn't matter to me.

She asked about mine and my DDs dress and I explained to her I had lost 3 stone recently and knew back in January I was planning too as I knew what size I should be as I've been this particular weight before. I'd been given some john Lewis vouchers for Xmas and because we had 3 weddings to go to this year and there all unrelated people I bought my dress in January to wear to all 3.

I've attached a pic, it's a nice dress I think and I feel comfortable in it. I don't really wear dresses often. I have large thighs and huge boobs despite being a size 10 so to find something that flatters and I feel comfortable in is quite rare.

DD doesn't really wear dresses either but she got given a really pretty dress for Xmas that she's not worn. It's a cream dress that is down to the floor and it does resemble a bridesmaid dress however I have got her a purple bolero chunky knit cardi and she's got some purple shoes that completely change the look of the dress. She wore very similar to a family wedding a couple of years ago and she looked lovely and did not look like a bridesmaid. Pic attached, same without the bow.

Bride has text me and basically gone batshit saying she thinks both of us need to return our dresses and get something more appropriate. Mine is apparently the same colour as her adult bridesmaids dresses. And she doesn't want DD upstaging her DCs.

I have said I had no idea what her colour theme is and it's not done intentionally. And her bridesmaids are wearing full length dresses.
Funny enough my other friend who is getting married is having the same colour theme and I did mention to her that I was wearing blue knee length as that's what her maids are wearing and she said don't be silly your not going to be the only one.

My husband says I should go out and buy new for me and DD just to keep the peace. But why should the bride get to dictate what her guests wear?
It's not low cut or skimpy so what should it matter?

So AIBU to wear this dress? If you were the bride would you be offended by either of these dresses?

OP posts:

SirChenjin · 29/05/2015 16:22

Do people actually have such shallow little lives that they get their knickers in a twist over something so bloody trivial?? Just be glad people still care about you enough despite your histrionics to come to your wedding, focus on the real reason for the day, and get a bit of perspective.

OP - wear what the hell you like. Or don't go. The latter would appeal to me more if I was you.

diddl · 29/05/2015 16:27

OP, your navy dress is lovely.

Have you already decided against the first dress for your daughter?

I was thinking if there are to be no child bridesmaids, would it really matter?

Maybe you can use it for the other two weddings?

MamehaSan · 29/05/2015 16:43

If Bridezilla is so concerned about people wearing blue, I predict she's going to be hyperventilating on the day.

We were at a wedding at the weekend and I noticed that about 90% of the women were wearing blue of some description (myself included). Apparently it's an "in" colour atm. Good luck to her if she wants people in oher colours

limitedperiodonly · 29/05/2015 17:05

I've just come on here to say I think your dress is lovely.

She thinks exactly the same thing and that's the problem

WanderingAboutRandomly · 29/05/2015 17:51

SirChengin
Do people actually have such shallow little lives that they get their knickers in a twist over something so bloody trivial?? As a long time MN poster I think you know the answer

SisterMoonshine · 29/05/2015 18:05

It sounds like she's got a problem with you and whatever you do you'll be wrong.

SirChenjin · 29/05/2015 18:17

So true Wandering....!

thebrideishighbutimholdingon · 29/05/2015 18:33

I'm getting married soon. I wouldn't dream of telling any of the guests (other than my mother, when she said she was thinking of white) what to wear. I will be a bit if any of the women wear white / cream dresses but I won't say anything to them. I expect a couple of the little girls will be in bridesmaid or flowergirl type dresses - I assume that because I've seen party frocks in the shops and to be honest they ALL look like bridesmaid dresses, so what else is the mother supposed to dress them in?

YANBU. Bridezilla IBU.

CMP69 · 29/05/2015 18:35

I think your dress is gorgeous. Buy a pretty summer dress for DD and go if the friendship is important to you. Sone people get unreasonably stressed about their wedding and I hate the bridezilla term as it is a very important day and you may be spending a lot of money on it, so it can get to people. My Mum was the Mother of the bridezilla at our wedding!
I almost wore the exact same shade of purple as the only bridesmaid at my DB and DSiL wedding but luckily couldn't find suitable shoes. It really would have looked like I was trying to be a bridesmaid (I wasn't)
Weddings are a minefield these days sadly

WyrdByrd · 29/05/2015 18:53

At this rate people will be terrified to turn up in anything but a brown trouser suit.

What if they clashed with what the groom is wearing

One of my friend's had an autumn wedding and if anyone had turned up in a brown trouser suit they would actually have matched the groom .

OP - your dress is lovely and your friend is being a bit of a prat on that front. I think it would be a good idea to get an inexpensive, brightly coloured summer dress for your DD though - as you said, there are some lovely ones in Sainsburys for about £16.

poodles1985 · 29/05/2015 19:09

YANBU, on any account.

I agree with the suggestion of texting back saying, 'we can't afford a new dress with the house move, I can come in my original dresses or we can not come, I don't mind either way, what would you prefer? ' that way you are not being unfriendly but you are also not letting her be unreasonable.

A few years ago I was sacked as a bridesmaid whilst in the middle of a major mental breakdown. I can understand that to be fair I was acting erratically (as people having breakdowns are prone to do) and she didn't understand what was going on for me. She asked us to still go to her wedding but we turned down the invite (which to be honest was the last thing I wanted mid breakdown.) She was annoyed as she'd already had a commemorative seating plan made. The friendship didn't survive! Honestly, sometimes weddings have way of teaching us which relationships are truly important.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 29/05/2015 19:37

And there we have it in a nutshell. To anyone who still has decent values it would be a far, far bigger deal that a close friend was having a mental breakdown than a commemorative seating plan not being 100% right.

I hope things are much better now, poodles.

CMP69 · 29/05/2015 20:03

Wow poodles that's takes the actual biscuit! I'm stunned

Icimoi · 29/05/2015 20:11

You have to be a total idiot to have a commemorative seating plan done in advance of a wedding anyway. It's a cert that at least two guests will be unable to make it on any given day.

What would you do with such a thing? If you put it on the wall, you'll be spending your life saying "Who the hell is Joe Bloggins anyway?"

ShakesBootyFlabWobbles · 29/05/2015 20:22

I like both of the dresses and prefer the first one for your DD. As someone says, flower girls carry flowers and walk down the aisle. It really is that easy to identify them, why would people be saying they'd get confused?

That said, with the red flag of a bride going apeshit at you about your outfit choice, do you really want to be bothered going?

NoSquirrels · 29/05/2015 20:41

Blimey. I got married in a colourful dress, didn't tell anyone in advance, and was MORTIFIED when I realized that one guest (who has impeccable manners) had kept her coat on in the group pics in order not to reveal she'd unwittingly chosen the same colour. It was a winter wedding, i wasn't paying the least attention to her obvious embarrassment - if I'd noticed at all I'd have thought she was cold!

No one ever upstages the bride! Madness to think so, in my opinion.

poodles1985 · 29/05/2015 21:01

The bride in question is actually a really nice person. She was just really stressed about the wedding (marrying the wrong person, I believe they are no longer together) and didn't have any experience of mental illness. At least that time was what they might call character building

Coincidenceschmoincidence · 29/05/2015 21:08

I love your dress, it's gorgeous and so is the one for your de.
If I were getting married I would be happy for any small girls attending to wear whatever princessy number they liked, surely that's what weddings are about!
I'm truly baffled by how hysterical these things make previously sane-seeming people.

Sallystyle · 29/05/2015 22:01

Fuck her and her stupid wedding OP.

BehindEveryCloud · 29/05/2015 22:10

God, the bride sounds like a piece of work.

YANBU!

Only1scoop · 29/05/2015 22:14

Yanbu

Ffs is it a wedding or fashion show?

I wouldn't want to be at this performance

SpecificOcean · 29/05/2015 23:01

Yadnbu. She on the other hand is a loon

I didn't take a blind bit of notice who was wearing what on my wedding day.
I too like your dress.

littlejohnnydory · 30/05/2015 08:04

YANBU. I took my dd to a friend's wedding in a dress that she hsdy previously been a bridesmaid in. She wanted to wear it, would never have worn it again otherwise and nobody was silly enough to have a problem with it.

The 'no wearing white' is silly and I didn't think anyone would be petty enough to get uptight about these things these days. Isn't blur supposed to be unlucky? Or is that green?

If people are going to take time out of their busy lives and spend money in order to come to your wedding, they can wear what they like imo.

ttc2015 · 30/05/2015 13:50

What are you going to do OP? And where did you get your dress?

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