AIBU - bridezilla dictating what guests should wear

[Lillyblossom]

Would like to know if IABU about this?

A dear friend of mine is getting married next month. It was a selected child free wedding. Some children are attending some aren't the couple have children. We sorted childcare with the PIL but FIL is due a opp the day before so they told us they could no longer babysit so the couple have said we can bring DD.

My friend and I were chatting on the phone recently and she said how angry she was that so many people intended to wear white dresses to her wedding that she had to say something. On FB may I add a angry status along the lines of if anyone dares wear white to my wedding I will throw you out, how dare anyone try to upstage me.

Anyway we had a conversation about this and she asked my opinion and I said I wasn't really overly bothered. Some ladies wore white dresses at mine and it really didn't matter to me.

She asked about mine and my DDs dress and I explained to her I had lost 3 stone recently and knew back in January I was planning too as I knew what size I should be as I've been this particular weight before. I'd been given some john Lewis vouchers for Xmas and because we had 3 weddings to go to this year and there all unrelated people I bought my dress in January to wear to all 3.

I've attached a pic, it's a nice dress I think and I feel comfortable in it. I don't really wear dresses often. I have large thighs and huge boobs despite being a size 10 so to find something that flatters and I feel comfortable in is quite rare.

DD doesn't really wear dresses either but she got given a really pretty dress for Xmas that she's not worn. It's a cream dress that is down to the floor and it does resemble a bridesmaid dress however I have got her a purple bolero chunky knit cardi and she's got some purple shoes that completely change the look of the dress. She wore very similar to a family wedding a couple of years ago and she looked lovely and did not look like a bridesmaid. Pic attached, same without the bow.

Bride has text me and basically gone batshit saying she thinks both of us need to return our dresses and get something more appropriate. Mine is apparently the same colour as her adult bridesmaids dresses. And she doesn't want DD upstaging her DCs.

I have said I had no idea what her colour theme is and it's not done intentionally. And her bridesmaids are wearing full length dresses.
Funny enough my other friend who is getting married is having the same colour theme and I did mention to her that I was wearing blue knee length as that's what her maids are wearing and she said don't be silly your not going to be the only one.

My husband says I should go out and buy new for me and DD just to keep the peace. But why should the bride get to dictate what her guests wear?
It's not low cut or skimpy so what should it matter?

So AIBU to wear this dress? If you were the bride would you be offended by either of these dresses?

Your dress is fine. Your DD's dress is completely inappropriate. I don't agree with the bride going mad about it though, but I would change your DD's dress not because of the bride but just because it's not something you can wear to a wedding, with or without a chunky knit bolero.

i think the bride's being given a bit of a hard time. I'm also wondering what 'form' the OP has. The bride seemed to be VERY interested in what she was going to wear and felt the need to spell out to her she shouldn't wear white, back it up with a post reiterating that she didn't want people wearing white. AND requested pictures of what dress she intended to wear. And it just so happens that the OP has chosen outfits which will garner attention as people will mistake them for part of the bridal party.

It all seems a bit too much of a coincidence to me. I wonder if the OP has a bit of a reputation for trying to upstage people and wanting to be the centre of attention. Because it just seems like the bride had far too much suspicion of what she was going to wear....

Your daughters is pretty much a bridesmaids dress I Think that's inappropriate in all fairness, yours does look like the other bridesmaids in all fairness, I would send it back and order in another colour

I don't think she's being bridezilla on this occasion, I think probably yabu

I would think any little girls in pretty dresses looked cute even bm style, if I were having a wedding, looks like I am in a minority though.

Your dress is lovely.

yes your Dds dress could be mistaken for a BM dress. BUT kids like to dress up sometimes and that's the kind of thing they may pick out to wear and provided she's not trying to sneak into pictures I don't see a problem. It's just a dress. I'd totally expect to see little girls in dresses like that because it's a special occasion. I'd also totally expect fairy Wings or a minions back pack sneak their way in somehow as that's just what kids do

I think dictating what people wear is a step to far. eyes will of course be on the bride and groom so no need to make everyone look shit just to be doubly sure. u less your so frosty and hostile anyone looking will turn to stone.....

I think your dress is lovely for a wedding, it's just unfortunate that a lot of brides choose bridesmaid dresses that are more cocktail-y these days. You won't be the only one she'll be cross with then if navy is a problem

Your dds dress does look bridesmaidy but don't most young girls dresses? Maybe change that one if you can be arsed.

tbh, unless you turn up in an actual wedding dress or naked I wouldn't give a shit but I don't measure myself by how good I look against others for reassurance that I'm the most important. It all depends what a wedding means to you and clearly colourscheme and photos are up there for your bride - it's upto you, your friendship to maintain.

On a side note my SIL did end getting my my 5 yr old Dnephew into a pageboy position by stealth of dressing him exactly the same as the groomsmen and pushing him to do little things at the ceremony - oh how we chuckled

She's a twat. I wouldn't bother going.

Lilly - apologies if I missed it but how close is this friend? If not a close friend, I wouldn't go. I think her behaviour is appalling. I do have a very dim view of people who behave like this on account of their wedding though. Also, what you said about her hen do doesn't bode well either.

I think this sounds like a friend you could do without. If she is normally a good close friend, I'm afraid I'd be asking her to question her behaviour. I have found that those who were like this around their weddings have not been good friends anyway, and I don't think that's a coincidence. I have decided not to go to any more weddings unless they are really really close friends.

I think your dress would be fine for most weddings BUT your friend has specifically asked you to wear something else (and asked you not to dress DD in this style). She is also against anyone wearing white/cream so I think in this situation it would be rude to dress your DD in a cream dress of any kind. Your friend was kind enough to let your DD come despite the no-children rule, so the least you can do is dress her in something that won't upset the bride or upstage her own DC.
I think your friend does sound obsessive and U about what guests are wearing... but it's her wedding and it's obviously important to her that you don't resemble a bridesmaid or dress your DD in cream/white. If it were me, I'd just get a new dress or choose something smart but less formal from existing wardrobe. Your friend may be being a bridezilla, but it seems petty to fall out with her over this.

Bridezilla seems to be over-reacting. Obviously your dress doesn't look like a bridesmaid's dress and if she didn't want people wearing the same colour as the bridesmaids, she could have specified that a lot earlier on in the process. I can't see that it matters, as I assume their dresses won't look anything like yours.

On the issue of DD...well, the dress you've chosen does look like a bridesmaid's dress, but as we know, her bridesmaids are wearing blue so not much danger of confusion. As for upstaging her DDs - I assume they're not going to be flower girls? So it doesn't really matter, but I'd be inclined to put your DD in a different dress just to keep the peace.

Update: I have text bridezilla and let her know DD will not be wearing the dress I described as in hindsight it is bridesmaidsy. But wanted to clarify things about my dress and is it very similar to her adult bridesmaids.
She has replied stating that she doesn't feel like my dress is appropriate as its too similar to her adult bridesmaids and has sent the pics. I will describe them, they are ROYAL BLUE not navy and are strapless with a very fitted look and they are down to the floor with a small train I think the term if fishtail?
im gobsmacked, how is my dress anything remotely like her bridesmaids? The back is lace up and looks like a bridal gown more that a maids dress.

So I'm either going to wear my dress or not bother going!

After she sent me the pics of the dresses I had a snotty text along the lines of you've outdone me anyway as I've lost 3 stone and she has only lost 1 (her words not mine)

Now to add some context I don't know any of her friends only her and her husband to be. I have lost weight for my own reasons, I never ever put posts about weightloss on fb I don't mention it as too me it is not a big deal as I have gone up and down the sizes dramatically over the last 4-5years.

Lilly, she is being ridiculous. But I think she was being ridiculous from the start. That comment about weight says a lot. This wedding is her way of showing off!

Ah. She doesn't want you looking better than her. She's forgotten that nobody else knows whether you were 6st or 26st this time last year.

As nicely as I can, nobody will be looking at you anyway, particularly since they don't know you. They'll be looking at the bride and maybe bridesmaids in their long bridesmaidy dresses.

You could reply with "oh the dress looks much darker in real life, it looks nothing like theirs, and I'll have a hot pink / bronze clutch and hat so there's no danger of being mistaken for bridal party. And they'll all be looking at you anyway, you daft mare - you're going to look fabulous!"

So blue is out completely then good luck with that one.

ridiculous

I think the bride has probably gone slightly insane and I can understand that if several people have told her they are wearing white.

I think seeing your dress is the same colour as her bridesmaids is probably the last straw and she sent a text while having a mini heart attack that her day is going to be spoiled which in a bridezilla insanity moment means ruined.

Your dd's dress is too much like a bridesmaid, change it. Keep your dress but change the look by, er I don't know maybe a hat, shoes and wrap in fuchsia or something else to make it as different to the bridesmaids as possible.

I do think she's nuts but she's a close friend, a bride for one day only, wouldn't it be more diplomatic to humour her and wear something else? It obviously really matters to her.
For the sake of your friendship just buy another dress. The experts on S&B will find you something gorgeous.

Life's too short to tolerate twats like this. My response would be: Take your fucking wedding and shove it up your fucking fat arse you bridzilla cunt. Don't ever contact me again.

As far as i am concerned you are NBU. I've seen little girls in those sorts of dresses at various events, like 50th birthdays and even Christmas day.

I couldn't give a shit what anyone wears to my wedding as long as they have a nice time and make at least a half arsed effort. Please remember to shoot me if I ever start to care.

I don't even understand why bride's care if others wear white. There's a difference between a white cocktail dress and a bridal dress. It's not like anyone's going to get confused about who's the bride.

Can anyone explain why this is a problem?

you've outdone me anyway as I've lost 3 stone and she has only lost 1 (her words not mine)

Jesus fucking Christ. Are some people just wankers, or does getting married turn them into wankers?

If I ever come on here (I won't; DP and I don't plan to marry, but ...) railing about some dress someone is wearing to my wedding, or how much weight someone's lost to 'outdo me', please all throw things at me, will you?

I might tell people in RL now to do the same.

OP, she's a prize saddo at very very best. Who the actual Jeff COUNTS how much weight their friends have lost?

She and her wedding can fuck the fuck off.

OnlyLovers "Are some people just wankers, or does getting married turn them into wankers?"

your whole post made me LOL.

I'm 39 so the wedding outbreak in my circle happened a few years ago. I was pretty sure that anyone who was really inconsiderate around their wedding was going to head that way generally. I know people say "weddings are stressful" but I don't believe that that stress should be alleviated by deciding what guests should or shouldn't wear - or any other unreasonable behaviour I've experienced.

Sadly time has proved me right, with one exception. I won't bang on about it because I don't want to hijack the thread. But unless it's a really good friend who is clearly losing her mind through stress, then I'd not go. Lilly, it sounds like you're heading that way anyway.

Love your dress by the way!

It sounds like she doesn't want you to come.

White? Is she a virgin then?

She is off her rocker !!
So your dress has nothing in common with the BM dresses but she is still insisting you do not wear it?
Control issues.
Tell her it is very rude to dictate to your guests.
And then hire a giraffe costume and wear that instead. After all, it don't be blue!

I'm getting married next year and couldn't give a flying fig what people wear (probably untrue - I'd rather they didn't come in track suit bottoms or similar and would be surprised at swimming costumes) but I have faith in the people coming that they would wear something appropriate.

Not entirely sure what I'm going to wear yet and whether I'm going for a white dress or a more colourful one. So I suppose if someone wore white they could look like the bride and I might not. But as I'll be the one with the big smile on my face and next to the man with a massive grin I think I'll stand out anyway