AIBU - bridezilla dictating what guests should wear

[Lillyblossom]

Would like to know if IABU about this?

A dear friend of mine is getting married next month. It was a selected child free wedding. Some children are attending some aren't the couple have children. We sorted childcare with the PIL but FIL is due a opp the day before so they told us they could no longer babysit so the couple have said we can bring DD.

My friend and I were chatting on the phone recently and she said how angry she was that so many people intended to wear white dresses to her wedding that she had to say something. On FB may I add a angry status along the lines of if anyone dares wear white to my wedding I will throw you out, how dare anyone try to upstage me.

Anyway we had a conversation about this and she asked my opinion and I said I wasn't really overly bothered. Some ladies wore white dresses at mine and it really didn't matter to me.

She asked about mine and my DDs dress and I explained to her I had lost 3 stone recently and knew back in January I was planning too as I knew what size I should be as I've been this particular weight before. I'd been given some john Lewis vouchers for Xmas and because we had 3 weddings to go to this year and there all unrelated people I bought my dress in January to wear to all 3.

I've attached a pic, it's a nice dress I think and I feel comfortable in it. I don't really wear dresses often. I have large thighs and huge boobs despite being a size 10 so to find something that flatters and I feel comfortable in is quite rare.

DD doesn't really wear dresses either but she got given a really pretty dress for Xmas that she's not worn. It's a cream dress that is down to the floor and it does resemble a bridesmaid dress however I have got her a purple bolero chunky knit cardi and she's got some purple shoes that completely change the look of the dress. She wore very similar to a family wedding a couple of years ago and she looked lovely and did not look like a bridesmaid. Pic attached, same without the bow.

Bride has text me and basically gone batshit saying she thinks both of us need to return our dresses and get something more appropriate. Mine is apparently the same colour as her adult bridesmaids dresses. And she doesn't want DD upstaging her DCs.

I have said I had no idea what her colour theme is and it's not done intentionally. And her bridesmaids are wearing full length dresses.
Funny enough my other friend who is getting married is having the same colour theme and I did mention to her that I was wearing blue knee length as that's what her maids are wearing and she said don't be silly your not going to be the only one.

My husband says I should go out and buy new for me and DD just to keep the peace. But why should the bride get to dictate what her guests wear?
It's not low cut or skimpy so what should it matter?

So AIBU to wear this dress? If you were the bride would you be offended by either of these dresses?

I think that the second option for your DD is fine.

I also think that yours is fine! I am getting married in July- my bridesmaid is wearing a mint green jenny Packham dress. 2 other women have said that they were planning to eat mint green. I said I didn't mind them doing so! I don't have exclusive rights over the colour for the day!

However, both women have now decided not to wear mint green. They think they'd feel really uncomfortable as they might look like they were trying to dress like my bridesmaids. So I'd say- how would you feel if people thought this about you? If it wouldn't bother you then go for it. If it would make your day less enjoyable, then buy something new and wear the navy one to the other weddings you have this year.

The bride does sound like a nightmare, however, I would be if somebody wore white to mine (unless they were a small girl). I wouldn't kick up a fuss though- it's their choice!!

That should be 'wear mint green', not 'eat'

It's becoming increasingly common for brides to specify a quite rigid colour theme for all their guests these days. Weddings are becoming more and more like theatrical productions and magazine photo shoots where the most important thing is about how stylised it all looks in the photos afterwards, and less about whether anyone actually has a good time on the day.

OP - just viewed your dress. It is FINE. seriously.

YANBU - that is outrageous behaviour!

That said, I'd be tempted to get your DD a different, non-bridesmaidy dress and then give her a flower basket to carry all day, but then I'm like that!

I would just wear what I wanted to, or not go.

However Im not going to call this woman a Bridezilla. Sorry, I know too many women who just love to upstage...if its a wedding, they will turn up in a white dress especially if they know they are slimmer/leaner than bride to be. Any other special event, and they'll do the same.

Ive seen this too often not to know that its a "thing"...is it not fashionable to admit on here that yes, when it comes to weddings some women can be really awful and competitive and disparaging, and sometimes they have a hand into turning the bride into a Bridezilla? I would never wear white to a wedding! Let the bride shine and have her day fgs..if the day/plans don't suit you then just don't go, its not your day the wedding will go ahead without but don't go with a "bad grace. "

I actually feel a lot of the wedding threads on here are really beyond the pale. Awful lack of female solidarity, the glee in gathering to pick on women who are getting married..picking apart their day and mocking their plans.

& OP...you could wear another dress. Im sure you don't have just one "occasion dress". But if you want to make a point and dig your heels in, having specifically bought a white dress for attending weddings after having lost a shedload of weight then, do so...have your day and the compliments. If you think its worth it.

Why on earth can't a young girl wear a bridesmaid style dress to a wedding, my dd did on several occasions as she had a lovely dress from when she was a bridesmaid. Did I miss the secret wedding rules book? No when said anything to me but except thank you for being part of their day. Either my friends are just very polite or just not batshit crazy.

I can't believe that people actually give a shit about things like this. Surely a wedding is about celebrating with your friends and family not about trying to micromanage everything for the so called 'perfect' day.
I couldn't have given a monkeys what people wore to my wedding, I wanted people to be able to attend and enjoy themselves. This is just yet another symptom of our self obsessed, image obsessed society. People seem to have lost sight of what is actually important!!

However my sister's friend is getting married next month & has DEMANDED that no guest wear floral dresses. Try getting a non floral smart dress that is not black or white - it's not easy at this time of year!

In which case, you should wear something like this. Well there are no flowers...

Mistress - I am not wearing white I'm wearing navy!

And yes, I only have this one dress to wear. I was originally this weight once before three years ago but was only at my target weight for about a week as I piled on the lbs straight after as I crash dieted for three months and as soon as I introduced food I put on quite a bit.

My old occasion dresses are a size bigger, so technically I could wear them but due to my surgry on my boobs (one massive and one small) I had implants to correct this and now I've lost weight all over but not on my boobs they look HUGE and as I used to wear halter neck dresses as they suited me. They look awful now as a big boobed woman they barley cover me up.

I bought this dress as it has a modesty panel in, whilst looking feminine, I can't wear strapless but this really suits me

second dress choice for dd is lovely op!

I love that blue dress! Accessorize it with some beautiful shoes or hat if you are hat person (I am - any excuse!) or a light wrap to go round your shoulders. Make it your own.
I'd probably go for something bright and floaty for the little one since if she is anything like my daughters she will be running about all over the place and hindered by a long skirt after a while.

Congratulations on your weight loss. My thought at the beginning was that your dress and your dd's dress were both fine, but I've been won over by the arguments that it's too bm-y. Like the second dress.

I think your only mistake was showing her the dresses in advance. I'm sure if you'd just turned up in them she wouldn't have been bothered, and might also have laughed about it. As it is, you've given her an opportunity to have an opinion.

TOTALLY agree that it sucks to wear white to a wedding unless you are the bride, and I don't care about religion or tradition, particularly. I just think it's not 'done' and it's rude.

FGS she is being bridezilla.

I had someone turn up wearing leggings and long top looked like she'd made no effort at all but although I've remembered (I thought it odd) it didn't bother me it's about presence to share your special day nowt else.

2nd dress for your dd is better.

I have a friend who, if she does ever get married, is likely to be quite enthusiastic about the colour theme and all of that. The thing is, she would be sure to let people know well in advance if it was important to her, well before people had gone out to buy things.

Also, I'm really not getting this upstaging/not allowed to match the bridesmaids thing. If a colour theme is important to you surely you would want as many people as possible to match it. What am I missing?

Just seen second dress for daughter and that's cute. I hope you all enjoy the day in the end.

Your dress is lovely. Wear it and ignore your friend.

I agree with most people, the first dress for your DD was too much like a flowergirl dress. Whatever else she wears she'll look lovely.

As for your friend, she could just be really, really stressed. If she's normally lovely then just placate her (without changing her dress). She'll probably look back and laugh / be embarrassed when it's all over.

• without changing your dress.

It's not as if you're going to be shoving her into the family photos, or sneakily getting her to walk up the aisle behind the bride.

^^ This.
obviously you won't actually be trying to pass your daughter off as a bridesmaid so what does it matter what she wears??
Your dress is lovely BTW.

YANBU

Christ on an actual bike. YANBU. Your dress is lovely. And blue. Second dress for dd totally fine, though I personally wouldn't have an issue with the floor length either.

When did it become ok to be, as a pp so succinctly put it: an ego-driven maniac?

Can't see pics on app. I think bridezilla being ridiculous. Some people have control issues and get into over planning for a wedding.

I think your friendship is on life support. Dropping out if her hen do is a pretty unforgivable offence for some people. I think you're going to upset her just by the act of not doing what she says.

I'd also be knocking the cost of additional wedding outfit for dd off the value of the pressie you get then !

Your dress is really nice, she's out of order to object to that.

UNLESS (and I think this is probably the problem) she thinks that your nose is out of joint because you and DD weren't asked to be bridesmaids and you are doing this to elbow your way into getting the attention given to the bridal party on the day.

If it had been your dress on it's own I would have said YANBU. But to turn up wearing a dress very like the adults bridesmaids with your daughter in an actual bridesmaids dress is very rude IMO, and smacks of trying to make a point.

I have been to a couple of weddings where a non-bridesmaid (child) wore a bridesmaid dress and in both cases the brides were pissed off and thought it was a petty act of revenge for no invite to be bridesmaid. And they were also pisses off because they had chosen simplier dresses for their actual bridesmaids. Which meant the fake bridesmaid got all the fuss and attention due to the real bridesmaids, because the guests mistook her. Which rather spoilt the day for the real ones.

If you still want to go I would wear the dress you've

Personally if I knew I would be wearing the same colour as the bridesmaids (in advance) I would change the dress I planned to wear. I also wouldn't dress my (fictional) DD in what is essentially a flower girl dress.

Further, if the bride pointed out the above to me, I would do my best (even if Primark was all my best would allow) to change planned outfits before the day.

If you insist on wearing the blue dress, I suggest hot pink or similar accessories to try to look as little like a bridesmaid as possible.

Sorry, wear the dress you've bought for yourself and get a cheap party frock from Asda for DD. Explain you can't change yours now and ask if she would accept just your DDs dress being changed.

I know people on mumsnet tend to jump in hearing one side of the story to side with the OP. But in all honesty, if you turn up with a dress like the bridesmaids and your daughter in an actual bridesmaids dress there will be raised eyebrows and people will think you're either mental or a dick.