AIBU - bridezilla dictating what guests should wear

[Lillyblossom]

Would like to know if IABU about this?

A dear friend of mine is getting married next month. It was a selected child free wedding. Some children are attending some aren't the couple have children. We sorted childcare with the PIL but FIL is due a opp the day before so they told us they could no longer babysit so the couple have said we can bring DD.

My friend and I were chatting on the phone recently and she said how angry she was that so many people intended to wear white dresses to her wedding that she had to say something. On FB may I add a angry status along the lines of if anyone dares wear white to my wedding I will throw you out, how dare anyone try to upstage me.

Anyway we had a conversation about this and she asked my opinion and I said I wasn't really overly bothered. Some ladies wore white dresses at mine and it really didn't matter to me.

She asked about mine and my DDs dress and I explained to her I had lost 3 stone recently and knew back in January I was planning too as I knew what size I should be as I've been this particular weight before. I'd been given some john Lewis vouchers for Xmas and because we had 3 weddings to go to this year and there all unrelated people I bought my dress in January to wear to all 3.

I've attached a pic, it's a nice dress I think and I feel comfortable in it. I don't really wear dresses often. I have large thighs and huge boobs despite being a size 10 so to find something that flatters and I feel comfortable in is quite rare.

DD doesn't really wear dresses either but she got given a really pretty dress for Xmas that she's not worn. It's a cream dress that is down to the floor and it does resemble a bridesmaid dress however I have got her a purple bolero chunky knit cardi and she's got some purple shoes that completely change the look of the dress. She wore very similar to a family wedding a couple of years ago and she looked lovely and did not look like a bridesmaid. Pic attached, same without the bow.

Bride has text me and basically gone batshit saying she thinks both of us need to return our dresses and get something more appropriate. Mine is apparently the same colour as her adult bridesmaids dresses. And she doesn't want DD upstaging her DCs.

I have said I had no idea what her colour theme is and it's not done intentionally. And her bridesmaids are wearing full length dresses.
Funny enough my other friend who is getting married is having the same colour theme and I did mention to her that I was wearing blue knee length as that's what her maids are wearing and she said don't be silly your not going to be the only one.

My husband says I should go out and buy new for me and DD just to keep the peace. But why should the bride get to dictate what her guests wear?
It's not low cut or skimpy so what should it matter?

So AIBU to wear this dress? If you were the bride would you be offended by either of these dresses?

Your blue dress is fine, it's a shame bridezilla had the chance to comment on it.

However If you wear it after she asked you not to she will be upset on her wedding day. She is being unreasonable but then if you wear the dress knowing it's going to upset her then you would also be unreasonable.

Your dd should not wear white/cream IMO. Although anyone who gets upset about a little kid in a cream dress must have a strange life and personally I wouldn't give a stuff.

On balance, I'd say get a cheap dress from sainsburys for your dd. I think probably you should get a cheap skirt and top from sainsburys as well unless you want the friendship to end. (You might!)

She is crazy and a drama queen. But I would be tempted to wear a different dress, as the last thing you want is for her/ her friends to cause a scene at the wedding or something ridiculous like that.

Then after the wedding I would keep my distance.

Her last reply about the weightloss doesn't sound anything like what I expect any of my true friends to say to me. The dresses are clearly not similar and you're at the stage now where she thinks it's okay to be snotty about your weight - like you've done it to upstage her?!? bonkers and not kind.

If she doesn't chill out it sounds like it's going to be the least fun wedding ever for you if she's just going to resent you being there for being thinner

When I got married a 'frenemy' deliberately wore a white suit, hat, heels with a camisole top and accessories the same colour as my bridesmaids. She had a history of copying my hairstyles, and buying the exact clothes over the previous few years, it used to drive me nuts. It got to the point I would cut the labels out of my clothes after I found her going through my washing looking at each label!! (we were housemates)

Then there was the time when I caught her swapping the sponge inserts of my (branded) Wonderbra to put in her Tesco version, but that's another story....

Anyway, she had also tanned herself to a ridiculous shade of orange so the contrast was as bold as possible.

I just laughed at her, and several people came up to me during the day to say what a bitchy thing she had done by wearing that.

She just made herself look ridiculous ( not suggesting that you would OP) and everyone else thought so.

In the rough edit of our wedding video I caught her slagging me off to another guest, which the video guy caught in all its delicious detail

We are NC now....

I think your dress is fine btw, but your DD's is a little bridesmaidy....sorry!

I love reading wedding threads. People really do lose their minds about the most unimportant things.

I think your dress is fine, the original dress you had picked for your daughter is fine, the second dress for your daughter is also fine. When did weddings become all about controlling one's guests rather than celebrating with them and enjoying their company?

Tbh she doesn't sound like a very dear friend, quite the opposite OP! Your dress sounds fine, but I wouldn't bother going if I was in your shoes.

Chardonnay73 - what does NC mean please?

I don't get why a "frenemy" would be at a wedding, but yeah...whole other thread!!

What the hell is wrong with some people?
Will they be any less married because of the dress that someone else wears? Will it make a difference to their relationship?
If all people have to worry about in life is the dress that someone else is going to wear for one sodding day then they need to get some real problems.

I know a bride who refused to share any details of the wedding, including colour scheme, so she could do a bit reveal.

And then went completely barmy when several female guests turned up in pink as that was "her" colour and made a speech specifically to "thank" these guests for ruining her day.

She had a total hissy fit and no one was surprised when they split less than 6 months later, although I dont suppose her calling her new MIL a fucking bitch helped..

YANBU, how can you possibly have known that it was like her BM dresses if she hadnt told you?!

a big reveal

She's a bride not s freeekin princess. The world don't owe her a living because she is walking up the Isle, nor does it give her entitlement to dictate what people should or shouldn't wear. Infact if she told me not to wear white. I'd wear it out of sheer spite but then I'm a bitch who was created to piss people off

After she sent me the pics of the dresses I had a snotty text along the lines of you've outdone me anyway as I've lost 3 stone and she has only lost 1 (her words not mine)

Well to be blunt about it, if it meant that much to her she should have made more effort to loose the weight rather than blaming you for your success as if its a bad thing.

She isn't a friend. She's jealous and has no respect or doesn't give a toss about you.

I really wouldn't bother going. You aren't there to make her look pretty, you are there because you are supposed to be important to her.

Is she going to judge all the female guests as they arrive and either ban the pretty ones or provide them with a paper bag for their heads? Or did she vet everyone and their partner before she sent out invites for attractiveness.

Bonkers. Bridezilla.

Show her this thread!

NC - No Contact, she was part of a group of friends that lived together, it would have been awkward not to invite her.

She sounds off her head, sorry but there you got, my blood pressure has gone right up. Who the hell does she think she is?

She IBU but, what Journey said. If it would spoil an otherwise valuable friendship go shopping!

I had forgotten about this (and must remember to tell my friend)

We went to a wedding a recently and I already had a 40's style dress with off white spots and was looking for a cover up of some sort.

I asked in a shop if they had any fake fur belero/stole type things and was asked "are you sure the bride wont be wearing anything similar?"

I didnt ask but was sure a white furry cover up was not either of the grooms style

YANBU about your dress, it's lovely, might have to look for something similar to one I'm going too.

YABU about the white dresses, it's a real no no though she shouldn't have ranted on fb about it.

YABU about DDs dress, it's a flower girl dress. If you dress in your dress i doubt anyone will notice but with her dressed as a flower girl they will wonder if you are making a point. I've seen people put their DCs in flowergirl dresses before on two occasions, both times it was meant as a dig to the bride for not asking them so while that may not be your intention I would think you are doing that, because I've seen it happen that way before.

Going by your update, the Bride is now sounding unreasonable and jealous. It sounds like she's stressing and lashing out at this point. If she wanted to lose the weight she had time and incentive too, she chose not too.

You know what after your last post I would just not bother going. How important is she too you ?

FWIW..As I was hving last minute panics about my dress and was scouring everywhere for something I did have a moment of horror and ask my friend what colour the groomsmaids were having and he sent me a pic, luckily it was not something I had planned on. We had a discussion about the wedding and he said someone had already bougth up the subject of it being formal as this person always wore leather....He said he wanted his guests to be comfortable and be there that was the most important thing to him.

I wore orange

I would smile, nod and ignore.

Remember the thread about Judy Murray's outfit at Andy's wedding? Maybe you should ask her what you should wear in order to best frame her in the photos?

She sounds utterly ridiculous btw. She appears to have lost all sense of proportion.

i would not be going. although to be fair she has accommodated your childcare needs.

Reminds me of a wedding my MIL went to years ago. It was a "black & white" theme which naff as it is was fine but about 10 days before the actual wedding an email went out to all guests saying something along the lines of

'Thank you for adhering to our black and white theme but can the ladies please make sure that they aren't wearing white dresses or all white outfits. Only white blazers / smart white tops over black or black and white patterned outfits please"

There were also some other specifications about outfits.

This was long before my MN time but I wish I'd taken a screen shot.

I mean not only had the bride dictated the colours all the guests could wear she had basically told them what they could / couldn't wear.

MIL had incidentally gone for a white top and skirt combo (hard to explain but it was not at all bride-y) which she had to change at the eleventh hour.

A lot of guests were pissed off and there were a few no shows on the day.

OP, it depends how much this friendship means to you. If it means a lot then I'd invest in some new dresses.

YANBU to wear the navy short dress yourself, it looks nothing like a bridesmaid dress and is fine, and the bride is being massively bridezilla to suggest otherwise especially as nice adult dresses are ££££. YWBU to take your DD in a dress that could be interpreted as a Bridesmaid/Flower Girl type dress so definitely not the first one you posted a pic of. Second one OK but better to avoid white/cream altogether for DD, you can pick up decent kids dresses for a tenner from supermarkets so it would be unreasonable not to change your plan there.

Seriously don't buy another dress. It would fucking choke me to observe a self satisfied smirk on someone who has behaved like that.

Tell her you're not discussing your dress anymore and to concentrate on important stuff and If she carries on tell her you're not going.