AIBU - bridezilla dictating what guests should wear

[Lillyblossom]

Would like to know if IABU about this?

A dear friend of mine is getting married next month. It was a selected child free wedding. Some children are attending some aren't the couple have children. We sorted childcare with the PIL but FIL is due a opp the day before so they told us they could no longer babysit so the couple have said we can bring DD.

My friend and I were chatting on the phone recently and she said how angry she was that so many people intended to wear white dresses to her wedding that she had to say something. On FB may I add a angry status along the lines of if anyone dares wear white to my wedding I will throw you out, how dare anyone try to upstage me.

Anyway we had a conversation about this and she asked my opinion and I said I wasn't really overly bothered. Some ladies wore white dresses at mine and it really didn't matter to me.

She asked about mine and my DDs dress and I explained to her I had lost 3 stone recently and knew back in January I was planning too as I knew what size I should be as I've been this particular weight before. I'd been given some john Lewis vouchers for Xmas and because we had 3 weddings to go to this year and there all unrelated people I bought my dress in January to wear to all 3.

I've attached a pic, it's a nice dress I think and I feel comfortable in it. I don't really wear dresses often. I have large thighs and huge boobs despite being a size 10 so to find something that flatters and I feel comfortable in is quite rare.

DD doesn't really wear dresses either but she got given a really pretty dress for Xmas that she's not worn. It's a cream dress that is down to the floor and it does resemble a bridesmaid dress however I have got her a purple bolero chunky knit cardi and she's got some purple shoes that completely change the look of the dress. She wore very similar to a family wedding a couple of years ago and she looked lovely and did not look like a bridesmaid. Pic attached, same without the bow.

Bride has text me and basically gone batshit saying she thinks both of us need to return our dresses and get something more appropriate. Mine is apparently the same colour as her adult bridesmaids dresses. And she doesn't want DD upstaging her DCs.

I have said I had no idea what her colour theme is and it's not done intentionally. And her bridesmaids are wearing full length dresses.
Funny enough my other friend who is getting married is having the same colour theme and I did mention to her that I was wearing blue knee length as that's what her maids are wearing and she said don't be silly your not going to be the only one.

My husband says I should go out and buy new for me and DD just to keep the peace. But why should the bride get to dictate what her guests wear?
It's not low cut or skimpy so what should it matter?

So AIBU to wear this dress? If you were the bride would you be offended by either of these dresses?

She sounds awful. I wouldn't go.

Yanbu. I won't be told what I can or cannot wear by anyone.

I honestly couldn't give a rat's arse what anyone wore to my wedding. I was there to marry my DH, and everything else was incidental.

I didn't wear white myself. Can't remember whether anyone else wore a dress that was the same colour as mine. I think it was obvious to everyone that I was the bride. Yep, pretty sure that there was no confusion about that at all.

There were a couple of cute little girls who wore flower-girly dresses. They looked lovely. I had no idea beforehand what they'd be wearing, and it was fab.

Clearly I did my wedding all wrong.

Why would it be a problem if the girl looked like she's part of the wedding party?

I can't get past that part.

Your dress is absolutely fine, nothing like how you describe her bridesmaids' dresses, what is she on about? Your DD's dress does look quite bridesmaidy, but meh, what does it matter? She's a child, she got this lovely dress for Xmas and would probably appreciate a chance to wear it! And why should you have to pay out for replacement dresses when it would be a strain on your budget?

Your 'friend' is being completely bridezillerish and ridiculous. And you say you won't know anyone else there? I really wouldn't bother to go, if I were you. Like PPs said, weddings should be about celebrating with friends and family. Not an ego trip for the bride. You could text her 'Sorry we can't afford replacement dresses, so I don't think we'll be attending after all. Have a nice wedding'.

Everytime I read one of these threads my jaw drops a little lower at the ridiculous, expensive panto getting married has become. It is doing nothing to encourage me up the aisle, I tell ya (21 years together and still not got round to planning a wedding).

I've put my bridesmaid and man of honour (I have no idea what to call him) in navy- I think I'd be a fool to expect that no one else will show up in the same colour!

This is why I always say "not sure yet" when asked what I'm wearing

A true friend couldn't care less if you turned up in a sack as long as you were there to share her day. This woman isn't a friend.

Save your gorgeous dress for an event that deserved both you and it and tell this one where to go.

She's a Bridezilla with a capital B. and dear friend or not, in your shoes I'd be very tempted not to go.

If you feel you must go, please don't buy either yourself or your daughter a new dress. The bride to be has lost the plot!!

Send her that photo of the wedding guest dress that looks either blue/black or white/gold and ask her if that one would be ok.

(Or if not, whether she thinks it clashes with her white dress or the BMs blue dresses...)

This is the one I mean: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_dress_%28viral_phenomenon%29

Everytime I read one of these threads my jaw drops a little lower at the ridiculous, expensive panto getting married has become. It is doing nothing to encourage me up the aisle, I tell ya (21 years together and still not got round to planning a wedding).

Entirely agree with that first sentence but it doesn't have to be a panto. You can just go to a registry office with a couple of witnesses, or if you do want a wedding do something very simple - basically just a party for people you really do like and care about. No inane rules about what other people can wear, no wasted money on stuff most people won't even notice (chair backs?!), just a happy day to mark the decision you've taken to spend the rest of your lives together.

Do you really want to stay friends with someone who thinks playing princess for a day is worth more than long term friendships?

Turn up to the wedding in whatever you fancy and if she's still acting like a self centred fool, drop contact with her.

GaspOde, I'm thinking of following a nip-down to the registry office with a get-together in our back garden with a casual buffet. I reckon I won't even have a guest list - just put the word out and let people pitch up if they want.

Of course this can only work if I ask people to bring a dish and a bottle with them - because I won't know numbers - so I'll probably get written about on MN as this rude, entitled bride who expects guests to provide their own food! But maybe I'll get forgiven as they won't be expected to attend a hen party, organise childcare, buy new clothes or give me a present

devora That sounds fab! I wish I had did that I'm still paying for my panto and I helped me go grey

and IT helped me go grey fgs!

I wouldn't want anything to go with someone like this. I would decline the invitation.

They'll come out well ahead financially, Devora! I've been married for nearly 33 years and feel very glad that we missed all this palaver.

God, OP, after that last text I wouldn't go. I'd have a nice day doing something else instead.

The best, most laid-back wedding I ever went to was one where the groom had a new suit, the bride had a new dress from Monsoon (not a wedding dress), and the guests wore what the hell they wanted and had provided the food ('We don't want any presents but it would be just great if you brought that lovely chocolate cake you make...').

That's what weddings should be like. Not this whole OTT 'Don't I deserve just one perfect day?'* bollocks.

*No. You don't. Nobody does. Get over yourself.

I've just thought about this... and what with wedding planning etc...

I think if the bride was REALLY bothered about this and the colour scheme and your DD looking like the bridal party she should have spoken with you about this MONTHS ago... (sorry for the caps!) rather than just recently.

This would then have allowed you to look for another dress for both of you or saved for the dresses and there would have been none of this drama.

When my SIL got married a few years ago there was quite a big discussion about the bridesmaids dresses (I was a BM) and who was to wear what colour (there were 2) and also about the fit of them and what shoes to wear etc... Her youngest BM at 11 years old wore a Monsoon kids dress similar to the first one your DD would have worn as the dresses we were wearing were too adult (low cut) and also would've been far too big for her. The 4 little girls (3 sisters, 1 the DD of another guest) all wore matching cotton brightly coloured dresses and the other DD just a pretty dress.

But there was certainly no dictation as far as I know about what the other guests could and could not wear and if it would clash!

I think I'd either go or not go but regardless (maybe mention bridezilla in a whisper to her but you want her wedding to go well etc too) I'd think of saying something to her about this... maybe not ending the friendship

If it would spoil an otherwise valuable friendship go shopping

Does it SOUND like a valuable friendship to you, corona?

Corona and only - I've shopped with brides (verging on bridezilla territory) - not fun and guaranteed to test any friendship!

One of these was hawking round Bloomingdales with bride who had her makeup done by Clinique but she was allergic and didn't want to wear makeup anyway. The other was to Davids Bridal (PA?) which was a drive and a half in blazing heat (I think the bride had chosen her dress) and I think the nutty BM drove us... We also looked at shoes to go with MOB's outfit and reassured MOB (who was upstaged majorly in dress sense by Groom's mother's outfit...) she looked awesome. The mom and daughter relationship already shaky was on even more shaky ground by the end of the trips...

But the OP hasn't gone shopping with the bridezilla. She's just trying to find clothes for her and her daughter and not get her head bitten off over it.

She's also obviously been under close and jealous scrutiny as to her weight loss compared to the zilla's, and zilla has decided that she's lost more weight than her deliberately.

Maybe I'm the unusual one, but I have never come across behaviour like this IRL.