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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was my response to this stag prank unreasonable?

186 replies

Jewels234 · 24/05/2015 09:54

To give some context, my first long term, love of my life boyfriend broke up with me this way. So maybe I'm being overly sensitive as a result of that.

My fiance is on his stag weekend in some eastern European country. Yesterday (while I was at a wedding, just about to sit down for speeches) I got a text from him saying 'I'm so sorry. I've made a huge mistake. Don't break up with me'.

I grabbed a friend, got out of the room and became fairly hysterical. I thought he had genuinely done something, and so going through my head was - how do I cancel the wedding, how do I get home to sort this out, my fiance has cheated on me. I couldn't get through to him on the phone, and so becoming more and more panicked.

Anyway, turns out it was one of his friends playing a joke. I am furious. I had to go back into the wedding with my tear stained face and explain why. The bride noticed and was worried. It ruined my day.

I have been so relaxed about what they get up to on this stag weekend, and feel like I've had that trust thrown back in my face. I am furious at the guy who put me through that. Surely the stag gets all the abuse, not the wife to be?! I had offered to pick them up from the airport on Monday but have refused now.

On the other hand, some of my lad friends are telling me to chill out, that this is just banter.

WWYD?

OP posts:
AlpacaMyBags · 24/05/2015 09:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dosydoly · 24/05/2015 09:56

Ah 'banter' often an excuse for one person to be a total c*nt and hide behind 'it's just a bit of banter' I don't know what you should do but I'd be furious, it's a horrible thing to do.

WalterMittyish · 24/05/2015 09:57

It's awful. I got that cold, sick feeling just reading that.

Honestly, I have no idea what you could or should do, but IMO you have not been over-sensitive or irrational. It was very cruel.

Haggisfish · 24/05/2015 09:57

I would be cross, but having realised it's a prank I wouldn't be as furious as you are now. I'd call the friend a stupid twat, make him apologise and move on. Id still pick them up-it's not everyone else's fault is it? I certainly wouldn't take any of it out on your fiancée.

BreacaBoudica · 24/05/2015 09:57

What a fucker! I would expect the most grovelling of all apologies from the 'friend' and I certainly wouldn't be doing any favours! YANBU!

Haggisfish · 24/05/2015 09:58

Sorry, have just read your first sentence again-if friend who sent text knew about your first ex then I would be furious.

Icimoi · 24/05/2015 09:58

Was it just that friend on his own, or were the others in on it? If it was only the one friend, I think I'd pick up everyone except him.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 24/05/2015 09:58

Not unreasonable at all. It's an unwritten rule that the stag gets jokes played on him not the wife to be.

NameChange30 · 24/05/2015 09:58

That's fucking horrible. Absolutely fucking horrible. Especially given your history (does your fiancé know it happened with an ex)?

How the fuck would he feel if you did the same to him?

Quitelikely · 24/05/2015 10:00

In all honesty I would take it the way it was intended. I don't think there was any malice intended and that's the key thing.

Yes it was thoughtless but drunken men can be like that.

For your own sake let it go and take it as the joke it was meant to be.

The other option is to let it fester, cause rows and feelings of ill will when really that route will get you nowhere.

Good luck with the wedding.

whattheseithakasmean · 24/05/2015 10:00

I would be concerned this threw you into such a spin and you immediately thought the worst. I would have suspected a prank from the start as I know my DH would never cheat on a stag weekend - you don't seem to have that confidence in your husband to be, which does not bode well for your marriage.

I know you feel this is because of events in your past, but if you have carried this into your current relationship and feel your fiance has the potential to behave as your ex did, it suggests your relationship is not at the stage where you should consider marriage.

So yes, I would be annoyed by the prank, but not upset, because I wouldn't have seriously believed it in the first place. You did, and that is your problem, not your fiance's friends silly joke.

Tequilashotsfor1 · 24/05/2015 10:00

That's awful.

Don't pick them up. What a fucking cruel joke Angry

NameChange30 · 24/05/2015 10:00

I would wait until your fiancé gets home and find out if he knew what they were doing, and how he reacted when he found out. If he knew I would be extremely angry with him. If he wasn't angry with his friends on your behalf I would also be angry with him.
I wouldn't want the dickhead who did it to be at the wedding tbh.

nornironrock · 24/05/2015 10:01

Pick everyone up except the guy who did it.

He's a complete knob. Not one of my (admittedly few in number) mates would even think of doing something like that.

I'd also refuse to have him at the wedding.

It's not your husband-to-be's fault, I would imagine.

I'd be fucking livid. I'm all for a good old fashioned prank, but these things need to be thought through....

VashtaNerada · 24/05/2015 10:01

YANBU. It's a really cruel thing to do. I would find it very hard to forgive the friend although would probably be polite to his face. The key is your fiancé's reaction - is he horrified and furious with his friend? Because he should be.

Jacksterbear · 24/05/2015 10:01

Fucking hell. What a truly horrific thing to do. Banter? No. Terrible cuntery: yes. I would be beyond upset at this OP.

NameChange30 · 24/05/2015 10:01

Oh and I think you are totally right not to pick them up from the airport. Really hope your fiancé is apologetic when he gets home.

TheMaw · 24/05/2015 10:05

DNBU, what a shower of pricks. Don't pick them up, tell them to banter their way home.

LazyLouLou · 24/05/2015 10:06

I think the stag needs to rethink his 'friends'. Especially if the twat who loves banter so much is part of the wedding party.

It wasn't funny, it wasn't a joke, it isn't acceptable. It was fully intended to hurt. What else would such a text be expected to result in?

When he is back and has slept, have a chat with your stbDH and, calmly, explain, exactly how this made you feel, the embarrassment and hurt, the sheer panic it caused... then let him deal with the twat!

And ask your won stupid male 'friends' why they think this was 'banter'? Ask them to give you 2 scenarios that they can realistically imagine the person receiving that text would live experience. Call them on any stupid answer, focus on the feelings of the response. You might be able to get through to them, maybe.

And that is without anyone having to have any knowledge of your own past experience.

Wine Cake

KoalaDownUnder · 24/05/2015 10:08

It's not even funny, just nasty and cruel and fucking immature.

Why would anybody think it was funny to make someone believe they'd been cheated on?! Confused

Fuck-knuckles.

YoniMitchell · 24/05/2015 10:08

I totally agree with what AnotherEmma said, I would want to know how my fiancé reacted and if it wasn't with horror/anger then I'd be asking some tough questions.

The dick who sent the text would also be off the guest list if he thought that I was fair game in that kind of stag prank. Tosser.

CrystalCove · 24/05/2015 10:09

Have you spoken to your fiancé yet? Did he know? Horrible so called prank.

LazyLouLou · 24/05/2015 10:09

And I can't believe anyone would think that this is something 'drunken men get up to'.

The only man I know would do this, and find it funny, is a fuckwit in every other aspect of his life... not because he is male, but because he is a nasty twat.

I know a woman who would think it was funny too - but she too is a malicious bitch. Not because she is female but because she has a mean streak a mile wide.

BathtimeFunkster · 24/05/2015 10:09

Yes, definitely don't waste your time picking them up.

Spartak · 24/05/2015 10:09

Was it just one drunk text message? I think you are over reacting. Understandable with what has happened in the past but certainly not horrific. If your immediate reaction was to believe it and become hysterical, I'd be seriously considering whether you trust your partner enough to marry him.