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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was my response to this stag prank unreasonable?

186 replies

Jewels234 · 24/05/2015 09:54

To give some context, my first long term, love of my life boyfriend broke up with me this way. So maybe I'm being overly sensitive as a result of that.

My fiance is on his stag weekend in some eastern European country. Yesterday (while I was at a wedding, just about to sit down for speeches) I got a text from him saying 'I'm so sorry. I've made a huge mistake. Don't break up with me'.

I grabbed a friend, got out of the room and became fairly hysterical. I thought he had genuinely done something, and so going through my head was - how do I cancel the wedding, how do I get home to sort this out, my fiance has cheated on me. I couldn't get through to him on the phone, and so becoming more and more panicked.

Anyway, turns out it was one of his friends playing a joke. I am furious. I had to go back into the wedding with my tear stained face and explain why. The bride noticed and was worried. It ruined my day.

I have been so relaxed about what they get up to on this stag weekend, and feel like I've had that trust thrown back in my face. I am furious at the guy who put me through that. Surely the stag gets all the abuse, not the wife to be?! I had offered to pick them up from the airport on Monday but have refused now.

On the other hand, some of my lad friends are telling me to chill out, that this is just banter.

WWYD?

OP posts:

KoalaDownUnder · 24/05/2015 10:11

And I can't believe anyone would think that this is something 'drunken men get up to'.

Yeah, this isn't a male/female thing, or even a drunk/sober thing. This is a decent person vs cuntish twat thing.

LazyLouLou · 24/05/2015 10:12

Is that victim blaming?

You get a text from the person you love telling you they have done something bad and begging you not to leave and, when you react as any normal person would you are labelled the pillock?

Mmmmmm!

Fairenuff · 24/05/2015 10:13

Turn it back on them. Tell them you now believe your df has cheated on you and the wedding is off. Tell them you won't collect from the airport and don't expect to see df again. Let them stew for a bit then tell them you're just joking.

See how funny they think that is.

LazyLouLou · 24/05/2015 10:13

Sorry Koala, cross post (and likely to get crosser if more people try to make OP feel as though she has done something wrong or odd!)

thewomaninwhitefluffybunnyears · 24/05/2015 10:14

I wouldn't pick them up either and would stick to my guns about that. If you were being really cruel (and I would not do this), you could arrange to pick them up and then not. Ah well, tis only 'banter' and just a prank.

I truly wouldn't do it but I bet that they would not see it in the same light as the prank played on you.

Icimoi · 24/05/2015 10:16

If your immediate reaction was to believe it and become hysterical, I'd be seriously considering whether you trust your partner enough to marry him.

Why? There is nothing in that message that signals in any way that it might be a prank. I struggle to understand why OP shouldn't have believed it.

soapboxqueen · 24/05/2015 10:18

I've been with my husband for 20 years and I would be worried if I received a text message like that. Mainly because I wouldn't know what the problem was but know dh was worried about my reaction eg it must be bad.

I really don't think it says anything about the OPs relationship. Even the most trustworthy people can make mistakes.

Given the situation I would be furious with the bloke that did it and I'd be furious with stbDh of he didn't see how bloody horrible it was. I wouldn't be picking them up either.

Joke's are only funny if everyone is laughing otherwise it's just twatish behaviour.

Spartak · 24/05/2015 10:19

Because he was presumably drunk on his stag do with his drunk mates.

cerealqueen · 24/05/2015 10:20

Did they know you were at a wedding, what cocks.

I'd do do what what womaninwhitefluffy said.

Icimoi · 24/05/2015 10:20

Spartak, he's on a stag weekend. Is OP to assume he's drunk the entire time? Or indeed that drunkenness precludes the possibility that he was cheating on her?

Original poster

Jewels234 · 24/05/2015 10:21

My fiance didn't know about it, and he was angry with them.

I trust him completely. But I had no idea how drunk he was getting and what situations his friends would put him in. Long story short, some of his friends don't have the best track record of being decent people at these events. The last stag they went on was heavily controlled by the wife, so I know they saw this occasion as a huge blowout.

I'm upset because it ruined my day yesterday. And because I was so angry I ended up drinking loads, and so I am super hungover today too. Grr!

OP posts:

Anniegetyourgun · 24/05/2015 10:23

If this group is old enough to get married they're old enough to learn that actions have consequences. You play a really stupid prank on someone (I can't believe they thought that would be funny in any way, shape or form) then that person is entitled to get miffed. Making their own way back from the airport isn't some hideous punishment, anyway, it's just a bit of inconvenience.

penisland · 24/05/2015 10:23

Well they'll almost certainly have been to various strip clubs so it depends on you're definition of cheating I guess

GrumpleMe · 24/05/2015 10:24

"I know my DH would never cheat on a stag weekend."

No you don't. You believe he would never cheat on a stag weekend.

Spartak · 24/05/2015 10:25

Either the OP trusts her soon to be husband and believes him when he says he had nothing to do with that text message or she doesn't. If she trusts him why would she punish him by not picking him up from the airport? And if she doesn't trust him, then game over.

DollopTheTrollop · 24/05/2015 10:25

It's not funny.
Are you all quite young?

NameChange30 · 24/05/2015 10:25

"My fiance didn't know about it, and he was angry with them."

Well that's something. The guy who did it - is he in the wedding party or just a mate? I would be seriously considering a "demotion" (if wedding party) or disinviting him (if just a mate).

Knottyknitter · 24/05/2015 10:26

Can you uninvite them from the wedding, or downgrade to evening only? Text them saying problem with numbers, then leave to stew until they get home and find out its not a joke?

NameChange30 · 24/05/2015 10:27

Spartak "If she trusts him why would she punish him by not picking him up from the airport?"

Originally the OP was going to pick them all up, not just her fiancé but also the wankers who did this cruel prank. Totally understandable that she won't be doing them that favour any more.

frostyfingers · 24/05/2015 10:27

I think it was a shitty thing to do, but I'm not sure there's much you can do about it. The problem is that if you rise to it they'll (or the individual responsible) will probably enjoy the reaction - hard though it is I think ignoring it is the way to go.

Mention it to your fiance on the quiet and hopefully he'll be able to get across to his "mate" how inappropriate and unfunny it was. Have a nice quiet day and enjoy some time for yourself.

Skiptonlass · 24/05/2015 10:28

God I hate the word banter.

It's basically code for, "I'm about to do something totally shitty but if you call me out on it you're a humourless shrew."

You can have a fun stag do, get gently plastered and mercilessly rip the mickey out of the stag without upsetting anyone else. They sound like childish idiots.

I second the pp who says to pick them all up except the one who did it. If no one will own up, take just your chap home, and when they moan about it, DO be sure to smile and tell them to buck up, it's just a little bit of banter...can't they take a bit of banter?

Twats.

penisland · 24/05/2015 10:30

*your even! Bloody predictive text!

NameChange30 · 24/05/2015 10:33

If I was the OP I don't know if I would just collect the fiancé, I'm sure they would have a go at her if she did that. Also doesn't make sense to drive home with empty seats in the car, having made the effort to drive there. The fiancé can make his way home with his twat friends. He is indirectly responsible even if he wasn't in on it. I think he should still be apologising on his friend's behalf.

On my hen do I set "ground rules" (for example, no strippers), call me boring but I just didn't want that. Don't see why grooms can't do the same for their stag dos if they want.

thewomaninwhitefluffybunnyears · 24/05/2015 10:33

Glad to read that you DH was angry about it Op, that does help to know. I am cross on your behalf, they have been been really shitty about this.

Hope you can have an easy day to get over the hangover.

GrumpleMe · 24/05/2015 10:38

I'd still pick them all up. It's a nice thing to do, and I wouldn't let one dickhead change the way I normally behave.

But unless I got a sincere apology from the dickhead that did it, I'd never speak to him again.

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