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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was my response to this stag prank unreasonable?

186 replies

Jewels234 · 24/05/2015 09:54

To give some context, my first long term, love of my life boyfriend broke up with me this way. So maybe I'm being overly sensitive as a result of that.

My fiance is on his stag weekend in some eastern European country. Yesterday (while I was at a wedding, just about to sit down for speeches) I got a text from him saying 'I'm so sorry. I've made a huge mistake. Don't break up with me'.

I grabbed a friend, got out of the room and became fairly hysterical. I thought he had genuinely done something, and so going through my head was - how do I cancel the wedding, how do I get home to sort this out, my fiance has cheated on me. I couldn't get through to him on the phone, and so becoming more and more panicked.

Anyway, turns out it was one of his friends playing a joke. I am furious. I had to go back into the wedding with my tear stained face and explain why. The bride noticed and was worried. It ruined my day.

I have been so relaxed about what they get up to on this stag weekend, and feel like I've had that trust thrown back in my face. I am furious at the guy who put me through that. Surely the stag gets all the abuse, not the wife to be?! I had offered to pick them up from the airport on Monday but have refused now.

On the other hand, some of my lad friends are telling me to chill out, that this is just banter.

WWYD?

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 24/05/2015 13:36

I don't think all stag dos to Eastern Europe are going to be sordid! SIL's fiancé's friends just took him there for his stag and they're lovely lads. I think they did activities (go karting etc) and then had a fun night out. I personally don't see why you have to go abroad to do that, but I think some people see it as the "done thing" now. SIL's fiancé had a great time although I'm sure he would have been just as happy with a stag weekend in the UK somewhere.

Vivacia · 24/05/2015 13:39

Going to Eastern Europe seems an expensive way of going Go-Karting.

NaiceVillageOfTheDammed · 24/05/2015 13:39

I would only pick up the partner.

I would leave all the other stags at the airport.

I would uninvited the stag who sent the text.

I would uninvited the other stags if they were involved.

If DH to be couldn't understand this - well...

Stopandlook · 24/05/2015 13:39

And it's nothing to do with trust, a text from your DH is just that isn't it? It's ok to act shocked at first reaction. Not trusting would be not believing him when he said his mate sent it.

alrayyan · 24/05/2015 13:41

Yes and Amsterdam stags cycle around the tulips and get lots of healthy fresh air. Still, as long as the abuse,trafficking and exploitation of young girls is not the only focus of a stag do then I agree, it's not sordid at all.

Trills · 24/05/2015 13:41

I very much agree that any "retaliation" prank would be taken as an indication that you DID think it was funny and acceptable.

diddl · 24/05/2015 13:43

I can't see the humour in it at all either.

Seems a pretty coherent message as well to me for a bunch of supposedly pissed folk!

I wouldn't re-prank as I don't think that they are worth the time or effort of it!

It wouldn't occur to me that someone else had got hold of my OHs phone tbh.

How will they get back if you don't collect?

Wouldn't blame you for not, but would your OH feel obliged to pay?

NameChange30 · 24/05/2015 13:49

alrayyan
"Yes and Amsterdam stags cycle around the tulips and get lots of healthy fresh air."
LOL, quite!
FWIW the guys I know didn't go to Amsterdam.

NameChange30 · 24/05/2015 13:51

If guys want to use the sex industry and be utter pricks they can pretty much do that anywhere tbh. There are strip clubs in the UK. Exploitation isn't exclusive to Eastern Europe or Amsterdam.

SpecificOcean · 24/05/2015 13:59

YANBU.
I really hate it when someone is being nasty but tries to pass it off as just a prank or bit of fun. There is something wrong with them.
I would collect OH and leave the rest to make their own way.
Un invite the culprit as I would not want to see him at my wedding or forever.

Stopandlook · 24/05/2015 14:00

I wouldn't care how they paid to get home - sounds like they pissed plenty of money up the wall while away.

Lovecat · 24/05/2015 14:10

BIL went to Eastern Europe on his stag do. Cheap beer and the fact that they were allowed to race stock cars through a muddy forest without any training or safety checks seemed to be the main reason they went... Hmm

According to DH one bloke in the party did suggest they got the groom a prostitute but everyone else disowned the prick. Thankfully not all men are arseholes.

Really sorry you were put through that, OP. I think the 'cancellation fee' is a brilliant idea. Bantz, innit?

quietasamouse · 24/05/2015 14:19

Oh there's always one who comes along and says I trust my husband, that would never happen to me... What a load of crap.

daddytillidie · 24/05/2015 14:23

If any of my friends did this to my DP I would hit the roof and they certainly wouldn't be invited to my wedding!!

It's not even funny!

Trills · 24/05/2015 14:31

There's a lot of nastiness here about stag dos in general - I wonder if some posters just only know quite rubbish men.

jacks11 · 24/05/2015 14:45

This was not "banter"- it was utter stupidity at best, at worst down-right vindictive.

If I got a message like that, I'd be panicking a bit too. I wouldn't think "aah, this is just a bit of stag-do banter" and happily carry on with my day without giving it another thought. It doesn't mean the OP should reconsider her wedding as she doesn't trust her DF.

As others have said, it could be anything from cheating on her to him being arrested for a serious offence. When she couldn't contact him, I'm not surprised she was upset.

OP, YANBU but now that you know what happened, I think you need to sit down with your DF and decide whether this friend is still to be invited. I wouldn't be inviting him, but I'm not you. As to whether you pick them up, I think it depends in how you feel.

icelollycraving · 24/05/2015 14:47

What an utter shit. I'm sorry to say it would always be in the back of my mind that perhaps there was some truth to it,sorry.

Ledkr · 24/05/2015 14:49

My DH got lots of flack from some of his moron friends for not going on the stag cos out dd was due.
To compromise he went on a local one and low and behold his "forfeit" in a game, was to have his phone confiscated Shock ha ha ha eh? Grrrr.
I was 9 months pg.
he played along for a few moments then insisted he have IT back.
When they refused (ha ha ha, so funny) Hmm he came home.
Blokes can be very cunty to fellow blokes who don't disrespect or disregard their wives or partners.

penisland · 24/05/2015 14:50

There are strip clubs in the UK. Exploitation isn't exclusive to Eastern Europe or Amsterdam

Yes, but in the UK you can't touch or pay extra to shag them. Been there, seen it with my own eyes, you can have anything you want, from a lap dance up. In a group of lads on stag in Eastern Europe not everyone will want to be involved, I for one just have a drink at the bar when we end up in such establishments but there will always be those in group having dances, dildo shows and shagging them.

Fleecyleesy · 24/05/2015 14:56

Your fiancé has some thick, immature twats as friends!

NameChange30 · 24/05/2015 14:58

Ledkr what idiots! Glad to hear your DH dealt with it the way he did.

Jackiebrambles · 24/05/2015 15:04

What an absolute cunt. I would be un inviting him too. And definitely refusing to give him a lift home.

Do you know which 'friend' it was?

I've never heard of this kind of prank before on a stag, it's beyond out of order. Grrrr on your behalf!

Moln · 24/05/2015 15:05

Don't pick them up, I'm presuming your df knows you intend not to now as it seems you have spoken to him.

Whichever of his friends sent the text has no emotional intelligence at all does he? Selfish to the core.

Ledkr · 24/05/2015 15:12

My ex was a loveky kind man.
He didn't drink much or go on nights out.
He loved his kids and family life.
Worked hard and bought is all a lovely life.
We laughed, and did loads of fun stuff together and had a fantastic sex life.
He sat with me through cancer and held my hair back while I vomited from chemo.
We were together for 18yrs.
I was still young slim and pretty when he cheated.
Literally nothing could have ever pre warned me that he'd do that.
So those being smug take heed.
You can be pretty sure ur partner won't cheat but you can never be certain.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 24/05/2015 15:15

ledkr I agree 100%. You can't predict the future.
Op, I love a prank but that was not funny. What an ass! I'm sure your DH will be fuming too when he hears how upset you were.