Was my response to this stag prank unreasonable?

[Jewels234]

To give some context, my first long term, love of my life boyfriend broke up with me this way. So maybe I'm being overly sensitive as a result of that.

My fiance is on his stag weekend in some eastern European country. Yesterday (while I was at a wedding, just about to sit down for speeches) I got a text from him saying 'I'm so sorry. I've made a huge mistake. Don't break up with me'.

I grabbed a friend, got out of the room and became fairly hysterical. I thought he had genuinely done something, and so going through my head was - how do I cancel the wedding, how do I get home to sort this out, my fiance has cheated on me. I couldn't get through to him on the phone, and so becoming more and more panicked.

Anyway, turns out it was one of his friends playing a joke. I am furious. I had to go back into the wedding with my tear stained face and explain why. The bride noticed and was worried. It ruined my day.

I have been so relaxed about what they get up to on this stag weekend, and feel like I've had that trust thrown back in my face. I am furious at the guy who put me through that. Surely the stag gets all the abuse, not the wife to be?! I had offered to pick them up from the airport on Monday but have refused now.

On the other hand, some of my lad friends are telling me to chill out, that this is just banter.

WWYD?

I don't know men who go to stag dos. I don't think it is something people do these days. Especially in sex industry dominated places. I have worked with a charity for years trying to protect vulnerable women, boys and girls from the stag do industry though.

The 'friend' who sent the text is a prick.

Personally, I wouldn't punish my DH for his friends mistake by not picking him up from the airport.

I would, however, refuse to let his mate in the car.

Agree with you too ledkr, so many times I've read on here, on threads about stag dos, that there's 'nothing wrong with strip/lap dancing clubs. My DH goes to them frequently and doesn't cheat'

I'm never sure how they know with such confidence.

Leave the dickhead mate at the airport for definite. Tell him he can find his own way home. Tell him it's just banter, he's sure to see the funny side.

OP i think I would have felt exactly the same in those circumstances.
I do though feel sorry for your Df he didn't know what his prick of a 'friend' was up too and I imagine he's been completely pissed off with them since I bet its spoilt his whole stag for him tbh.
I'm not clear if his 'friend' knew your back story or not? Either way it was a stupid text to send but if he knew and sent it then that's just so cruel. If he didn't know I'd make sure he is made aware and how upset it made you that should sober him up quite quickly I would think!

Yanbu about the "prank". Ywnbu to let them make their own way back from the airport. And I'd want to know, in your shoes, what your fiancé had done or planned to do to make it clear to his "mate(s)" that he is not happy with their behaviour.

But - and I know this is a minor thing -"some Eastern European country" -? You really don't know what country your DP is staying in? If not that's a bit weird. If you do and are just being casually dismissive then yabu (and pretty xenophobic) to refer to wherever they are in this way. If it's because it's a well known stag destination (and you don't approve of the activities that go on there) then you are being pretty disrespectful about some fairly vulnerable women. I don't mean to be harsh, and you are understandably upset about what's happened. But your use of this phrase did raise my hackles somewhat.

Exactly what pinkyredrose said. Pick the others up, leave him standing there. Just a bit of hilarious banter. For extra banter, take his suitcase and leave it at a service station.

What a twat.

OP I understand why you felt like you did - I can quite see how that would happen and it's got fuck all to do with anything except how YOU felt at THAT moment. Don't let anyone belittle that.

As for this from earlier up the thread - Can you raise your emotional intelligence level? this sounds fun. Can anyone do it? How do you do it? Can you do it by yourself? Who will blow up the inflatables? Do you need a harness? Honestly - of all the feckin ridiculous twatwitted fucknuttery comments in the whole history of MN ever this one has to take the cake. Preferably the Lemon Drizzle cake.
What sort of person actually writes a thing like that?

Twat. He can pay for the cab back for everyone can't he. Bants!lol!lads!

So, what happened when you went to pick him up?

So childish! I hate men who behave like teenagers when they're in groups. It's like they devolve!

If the situation was reversed and it was a friend of the OPs who sent this text to OPs DH while they were all on a hen night/weekend as a joke, the word "banter" wouldnt even come into it.

The same people saying that the OP overreacted would be saying "oh your friend must have done this cos she was jealous OP. She might be after your bloke etc etc.

Thats patriarchy folks!

OMG I would be livid. I would not be picking them up at airport - pick up your fiancé because he's not at fault here but tell the other guy to go fuck himself. I also wouldn't be inviting him to the wedding. What he did was unforgiveable. And it wasn't "banter", it was a despicable, rotten, scummy thing to do.

That is deeply nasty and not at all funny. What if you had acted on it? You could have cancelled all the venues and run off with the milkman by the time he came back home.

Oh my goodness. I thought it was Monday when I wrote my last post.

I bet it didn't occur to the prankster that the OP is an actual human being with feelings. Misogynistic wanker.

If this is the sort of nasty prank his friend plays pre wedding i would hate to see what he thinks is a fitting joke when/if the OP gets pregnant because there will always be a party or a night out where his "friend" will think its funny to do something similar again.

Sorry but you can tell a lot about someone by the company they keep.

I mentioned this to my DH. He thought it was a pretty funny prank to play on someone, but not funny to play on us (which I tried to point out is why it's not funny at all).

My problem with this is that it plants seeds of doubt. What if he'd sent that while drunk and realised afterwards that it was a better idea to keep quiet?

That friend wouldn't be invited to the wedding and it would take a while to forgive him

My text back to him would have been.

"Oh darling I didnt realise you wanted an open relationship Why didnt you say"

skyadelic huh? so, funny if he's not the victim, not funny if he is?

I really hate the kind of "humour" that involves making someone feel like shit. It's just not funny. The most talented comedians and the funniest people can make others laugh without picking on anyone.

OP what happened today?