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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIU to wonder how they are affording this baby?

127 replies

GlitteringJasper · 18/05/2015 12:11

I probably am,it's not really my business but anyway...

Dh's niece has just announced pregnancy.

She's 19 and lives with her mother. We didn't even know she had a boyfriend! She's been with the father since November.

Baby is due in July and there was an excited announcement over weekend.

Now the last time we saw niece she didn't have a job. She does now, part time work.

Anyway, was IU to wonder how they are affording a baby?

Seriously I'm mid 30's and can just about scrape by with my 2 buts it hard going.

Niece didn't do GCSE's, I don't think she even went to sit the exams. She hasn't stuck at a job long term before.

AIBU to wonder;
How they can afford this baby?
What the big rush to have one is?

Obviously in front of the family I will have no opinion, it's not my business. Privately I am judging.

Is this wrong of me?

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 18/05/2015 12:13

Maybe she can't afford it. Thing is, once you're pregnant, it's very difficult to then only get pregnant in sensible circumstances.

breadstixandhommus · 18/05/2015 12:14

Yep.

Crowquill · 18/05/2015 12:14

Yes.

sebsmummy1 · 18/05/2015 12:15

I agree. I would imagine she got pregnant either accidentally or accidentally on purpose. Possibly because it seemed a better option that working or maybe because she really wanted a baby. These things happen and as long as you're not expected to contribute personally (aside from as a tax payer obviously) it's really none of your business.

ChwatFeechers · 18/05/2015 12:15

it's not my business.

Yep.

19lottie82 · 18/05/2015 12:15

Babies don't have to cost a lot. What do they really NEED? And I don't mean what do people spend on stuff they want, I mean NEED. The main cost is childcare, fi you have to pay for it.

And if she is working p/t she will get tax credits.

Tonberry · 18/05/2015 12:16

Maybe it was an accident? Maybe they have a long term plan to live together and find full time work? If they don't have a plan, maybe the baby arriving will make them realise they need one?

People have babies in all sorts of circumstances and, while its not an ideal situation, plenty of people make do with what they've got and manage as best they can.

Bambambini · 18/05/2015 12:16

Wouldn't want it for my children but sure that they will manage - people do. It possibly wasn't planned so they have to just get on and make the best of it.

PinkFlamingoAteMyLipstick · 18/05/2015 12:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JudgeBooby · 18/05/2015 12:18

You're not unreasonable to wonder, but essentially she is an adult and it's none of your business. Time to focus on your own life, and stop comparing your own circumstances to hers.

Aussiemum78 · 18/05/2015 12:19

I'd be wondering about paternity personally! Nov- July is a tight timeframe....

FadedRed · 18/05/2015 12:19

I think you have answered your own question 'it's not your business'.
'Privately you're judging' - keep it private.
Maybe it's not an ideal situation for a 19 year old to be in, but she's not the first and certainly won't be the last. Her family seem supporting and welcoming a new life, all you can reasonably do is the same. Whatever your personal opinion.

littlemslazybones · 18/05/2015 12:21

Well if she lives with her Mam, continues to work part time, claim any tax benefits she is entitled to and is supported financially by her boyfriend, she might get by very well.

Heatethelastrolo · 18/05/2015 12:21

I was going to write a big response as to why, but I can't be bothered elaborating...YABU

DownWithThisTypeOfThing · 18/05/2015 12:22

She's living with her mum isn't she? So few bills. Assuming she bf baby then there's very little she actually has to afford.

Would you sooner she terminated the pregnancy?

LaurieFairyCake · 18/05/2015 12:22

Lots of people without much money have babies.

She lives with her mum, I'm guessing she will support her.

redskybynight · 18/05/2015 12:22

I found babies didn't cost that much.

It was when they turned into children that they got expensive Grin

Feminine · 18/05/2015 12:22

I'm super impressed she has managed to get a job without any GCSE exams!
She must have something going for her.

Of course she'll probably be broke and need help... But honestly?
Just leave it.

BluebeardsSidekick · 18/05/2015 12:24

My 19 year old lives at home with me. She's pregnant and although she's working she's not the best paid of women. If I thought anyone in our circle was judging her as you're judging your niece they'd be told to get lost and not come back. Are you wrong? Yes. Is it your business? No.

Do you also wonder how a middle 30s couple with DC already and a fuck off great mortgage, credit card debt, overdraft and car loan can afford theirs? Isn't that the reality of the financial circumstance of a lot of people? It looks good on the surface, they "own" their own house and car and can buy the baby a costly new pram when the truth is they're mortgaged up to their eyeballs and have virtually no genuine disposable income.

Or do you let them off because they're not 19, single and because their home is owned by the bank and not by their parent?

hashtagwhatever · 18/05/2015 12:24

Did she get pregnant the day she met him?

Tonberry · 18/05/2015 12:25

To be due in July she would have conceived roughly the first week of November. It's entirely possible and to suggest a paternity query is to make unfair assumptions about the OPs niece. 19 and pregnant to a new partner, obviously a slag then, yeah? Hmm

kinkyfuckery · 18/05/2015 12:25

Oh do bugger off. It's none of your business. Maybe her boyfriend is perfectly capable of sustaining the family financially.

Of course, when he finds out it's not his baby..... Wink

McKayz · 18/05/2015 12:25

You aren't judging very privately if you a posting on a forum your niece could easily read.

addstudentdinners2 · 18/05/2015 12:26

TBH babies don't need to cost a lot if you are savvy. I remember when SIL and BIL had their first they shelled out about 2 grand buying all new things for their baby. When sister had hers she got all second hand, nearly new stuff and spend less than £400 on everything. Ok, once the baby gets here you have to buy nappies and so on and so forth but if you are breastfeeding you don't even have to pay for food til you wean it. And even then we just used to puree what DH and I had for dinner, minus the salt. IME it's when they get to teenage years that they start costing you more.

What I am saying is yes, YABU - for all you know they have thought it through financially.

museumum · 18/05/2015 12:26

You don't have a credit check before the sperm meets the egg... if it happens it happens and you deal with the financial aspects of it.

Maybe it was deliberate, maybe it wasn't, either way, they've decided to look at it as good news and that's their choice to make.

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