Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

WIU to wonder how they are affording this baby?

127 replies

GlitteringJasper · 18/05/2015 12:11

I probably am,it's not really my business but anyway...

Dh's niece has just announced pregnancy.

She's 19 and lives with her mother. We didn't even know she had a boyfriend! She's been with the father since November.

Baby is due in July and there was an excited announcement over weekend.

Now the last time we saw niece she didn't have a job. She does now, part time work.

Anyway, was IU to wonder how they are affording a baby?

Seriously I'm mid 30's and can just about scrape by with my 2 buts it hard going.

Niece didn't do GCSE's, I don't think she even went to sit the exams. She hasn't stuck at a job long term before.

AIBU to wonder;
How they can afford this baby?
What the big rush to have one is?

Obviously in front of the family I will have no opinion, it's not my business. Privately I am judging.

Is this wrong of me?

OP posts:

Tonberry · 18/05/2015 12:27

And "got together" in November doesn't mean they didn't have a casual relationship prior to that.

peggyundercrackers · 18/05/2015 12:28

the taxpayer will pick up her tab - she will afford it because she will claim benefits for her and the child.

addstudentdinners2 · 18/05/2015 12:28

peggyundercrackers

Oh charming. Yes, that's what all 19-year-olds do

Tonberry · 18/05/2015 12:28

She works, it's only part time, but she works.

OnlyLovers · 18/05/2015 12:30

YABU. If you can't just be pleased for her, keep your nose out.

passmethewineplease · 18/05/2015 12:31

YABU. I presume you know she will probably be entitled to some benefits when her baby is born.

Either way this thread is unnecessary, you know exactly how she will afford it, though benefits for adults and one child isn't exactly mega bucks.

Plenty of ways she could save money, BF instead of FF. Co sleep? Second hand sales? Hand me downs from family.

Oh and in case you hadn't got it already...YABVU.

LittleIda · 18/05/2015 12:32

Women have always had babies in these circumstances and people have always tutted about it. If this had happened in the 60s she'd have probably been shuffled off to a mum and baby home, had the baby adopted out and told not to darken her parents' door again, and been heartbroken about it for the rest of her life. Thank God we've moved on and her mum is not only supporting her but making an excited announcement about it. Better for the baby to have a family that's excited about its arrival than ashamed.

PtolemysNeedle · 18/05/2015 12:35

Babies might not cost a lot, but children do, and teenagers cost a fortune.

YABU to wonder how they can afford the baby, because it doesn't matter. If they can't afford it themselves, they'll get benefits.

And if they do get benefits, then YANBU to judge, because their choices have an impact on the rest of society, so it is everyone's business.

AGirlCalledBoB · 18/05/2015 12:36

She works, am sure she will get topped up with benefits, or perhaps dad works full time. I had a baby at 20, we could afford our son with me working part time and my partner working full time, without benefits. Not great paying jobs but babies don't cost much really if you are smart about it.
She also lives at home so her parents will probably help her out of they can. My family buys a lot for new babies.

It's easily done, so not sure why you are judging her really. Ok it's not ideal but she and the family are excited and happy.

letscookbreakfast · 18/05/2015 12:36

OP YABU and I think that the posters who are questioning the paternity might as well be calling the neice a slag

Droflove · 18/05/2015 12:37

I think when you have carefully planned your life, your job, your finances and your family it is always a bit of a kick in the teeth to see people blindly and selfishly jumping into parenthood, the most high stakes role there is, and doing it without any of the right things in place (stable relationship, own home, enough money to pay for child's needs). It does make people like me and I think OP feel pretty judge as a reaction. But one thing I've learned us that everyone pays for these short cuts massively in the end so there is nothing to envy. If I had to even once hand my child over to a man I didn't love and trust for the weekend it would break a part of me and that us just one tiny moment if pain many of these accidental pregnancies lead to. Judge away OP but keep it to yourself and try to remember you have something great in having waited and carefully chosen to have your children.

ShadowFire · 18/05/2015 12:38

Maybe they'll be able to afford it on the boyfriend's earnings. Maybe they think that they'll be able to get a better job or work more hours. Maybe they won't. But they'll have to find a way to manage now, won't they?

And as for why are they having a baby now - have you considered the possibility that it's unplanned and they're making the best of the situation?

BluebeardsSidekick · 18/05/2015 12:38

"the taxpayer will pick up her tab - she will afford it because she will claim benefits for her and the child."

What a shit attitude, peggy. The OP has said her DN works. Who's to say that she won't return to work, maybe full time, after she's had the baby?

My 19 year old will be returning to work once her maternity leave is over. She'll have very little to show for it after she's paid for childcare from 8am til 6pm each day and she may be entitled to tax credits and definitely to child benefit. Do you begrudge her that too?

Do you or have you ever received child benefit? If so thank the rest of us tax payers for picking up your tab.

wigglesrock · 18/05/2015 12:38

I don't really understand what it is you think they can't afford? She has a home, with her mum. She works part time (I worked part time when I had my kids including the first). She doesn't have huge outgoings - mortgage, insurance, car, bills?

If you want to judge her for having a baby then judge away, but be honest why you're doing it.

Tonberry · 18/05/2015 12:39

Plenty of carefully planned children are handed over each weekend to a man their mother doesn't love or trust.

Just sayin'.....

OnlyLovers · 18/05/2015 12:40

blindly and selfishly jumping into parenthood

How the actual fuck do you know that's what's happened here? How do you know it was an accident? And why are the things you list as 'the right things' to be taken as categorically the right things?

And do you actually mean you gloat over the thought of mothers being in pain over having to leave their babies?

AuntyMag10 · 18/05/2015 12:40

Agree Droflove.

Crowquill · 18/05/2015 12:40

You sound delightful Dr

littlemslazybones · 18/05/2015 12:40

And if they do get benefits, then YANBU to judge, because their choices have an impact on the rest of society, so it is everyone's business

The system might be everyone's business but not the individuals in it.

halestone · 18/05/2015 12:41

YABU, and sound like a very judgemental person. I feel sorry for your 'D'N.

OurGlass · 18/05/2015 12:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

HesterShaw · 18/05/2015 12:43

YANBU to wonder in your head. Thoughts are our own and take all sorts of meanderings.

YABU to have been be daft enough to start a thread about it here knowing the response you were bound to get. And sure enough it came to pass....

Writerwannabe83 · 18/05/2015 12:44

I would love to know

Me and DH bring home over £3'500 a month (after tax) and we can't afford a 2nd one

I'm guessing benefits and the fact she lives with a parent (so no financial responsibilities) means she will be able to afford the baby.

Tonberry · 18/05/2015 12:44

Planning your children doesn't automatically make you a good parent. I've know people have children really young, planned or not, in less than ideal circumstances and it's been the making of them. They've been great parents, had good jobs, nice house, and so on. Similarly I've known people planned their children down to the nth degree and have been complete shit heads not the slightest bit interested in their children. And visa versa.

One does not preclude the other and to assume it does makes you a judgemental a-hole.

addstudentdinners2 · 18/05/2015 12:45

doing it without any of the right things in place (stable relationship, own home, enough money to pay for child's needs)

Sorry but this is ridiculous. My siblings and I were raised on no money by a single mother renting a council flat (not on benefits btw, not that it's relevant). She was twenty when she had me and she was and is the best mother. I had a great childhood.

My best friend at uni (yes I DID go to uni despite my tragic start in life ) was born to a married couple, massive house they'd inherited, private school, loads of dosh as they were both solicitors. They were totally dysfunctional and awful. She barely speaks to them now. Go figure.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread