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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hacked off by DH describing me as a housewife?

118 replies

April52 · 18/05/2015 00:37

I've been stewing on this for a while. When we had our first DC, the birth certificate was done in hospital with me there. I was a teacher at the time so 'occupation' section was easy to fill in. Going back to work was miserable for a number of reasons so we did the sums and I left work to become a SAHM. I also finished the doctorate I'd started before we decided to settle down and have children. On the birth of DC2, DH dilligently goes down to register and this time puts my occupation as 'housewife'. I do not appreciate this! As far as I'm concerned, my occupation is still a teacher only I'm not currently in the role. Even though I gave up teaching, there has never been a time I haven't used my qualification to do bits of work to keep my hand in an supplement DH's income. I can't help feeling this is a bit of a dig at me not working although he's never said anything outright. Or AIBU and overreacting? And does anyone know if I can go and alter the certificate?

OP posts:
Luvvies · 18/05/2015 00:43

Quick google on .gov.uk says "You can apply for a birth registration correction when the information is wrong, eg a mistake was made when recording a parent’s occupation."

BertieBotts · 18/05/2015 00:44

Blimey, if DH did this I'd be disappointed but would assume that he hadn't really thought about it and then didn't really know what to put when it came down to it so just went with the first logical answer he could think of. I don't think that for a man it's as obvious that you might be upset at being considered a housewife, he might just think that that's the role you're in at the moment so it made sense to put it on the form.

If you're assuming that he's having a dig, why? You say he hasn't said anything outright, but are you feeling resentment, or what?

TwinkieTwinkle · 18/05/2015 00:44

I highly doubt he meant any nastiness. It's often difficult when registering a birth because it's an official document. You aren't working therefore you are not a teacher. He may have got flustered. I know when I had my son I got worried about the correct terminology and referred to myself as a housewife, it was only corrected when my (then) partner pointed out I was a full time student who worked part time that the registar made it sound better.

SoonToBeSix · 18/05/2015 00:49

But what is wrong with being a housewife? Yes you are a qualified teacher but it's an accurate description of your current role. It's not an insult.

Aermingers · 18/05/2015 00:52

There's nothing wrong with being a housewife.

Change it if it bothers you, but I don't think it's fair to get angry with him. If you were that bothered you should have given him instructions or gone with him.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 18/05/2015 00:52

The Registrar actually refused to put "Housewife" down for my occupation on DD's birth certificate. She said it sounded too Victorian & I could choose between Stay At Home Parent or Full Time Mother Hmm.

In the end, I went with the profession/job I had trained to do & the Registrar said that was also fine.

She was quite a formidable woman - I'd love to see how she handles someone registering a 'creative' spelling Grin.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 18/05/2015 00:54

But, to answer your question, no I wouldn't have been pissed off at Housewife.

LuisGarcia · 18/05/2015 01:24

My bank have my occupation listed as housewife.

I am a SAHD.

Why do you think it's a dig at you?

googoodolly · 18/05/2015 05:21

But you are a housewife? You're at home looking after the house and children instead of in paid employment. It's not an insult, just a factual statement.

mugglingalong · 18/05/2015 06:08

I can understand why it might upset you. You aren't married to the house and with two very young children (congratulations by the way), you probably aren't doing too much of the 1950s dusting and baking.

Having said that he might be proud that he is able to support you at the moment and you don't need to dash back to work. To him he is happy that you can stay at home and look after his children. It has always slightly annoyed dh that we can't manage comfortably without me working PT. He feels as if he should be able to provide for his wife and children as his father did. I love the role I am in now and not about to trade it in.

I wouldn't assume that it is meant as a dig at you. Dh sometimes forgets that I work because most of my work is done at home or on weekends - he soon remembers when I tell him he's on childcare all day Saturday! Your dh might have been concentrating so hard on getting the name right (at least he didn't mess that up!), that he didn't think about what you wanted to be called.

I might mention it to him in passing and see what he says but otherwise I would wait until he is back at work, pop into town and get it changed. Dh has never looked at the bc since the day we got them. Pick your battles - he might just dig in if you ask him to go back and change it.

propelusagain · 18/05/2015 06:13

It is a noble thing to stay at home and care for children. Do you think otherwise?

CamelHump · 18/05/2015 06:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WilburIsSomePig · 18/05/2015 06:22

Wouldn't make me angry. When DD was born DH put me down as a 'home maker' as he thought it sounded less 1950's than 'housewife'. I pointed out that it actually sounded more wanky though...

Stinkersmum · 18/05/2015 06:23

I think you're being a bit precious. I've stopped teaching. Come October, all being well, I'll be a sahm. I put housewife down myself on things like car insurance etc. because that is my current occupation.

propelusagain · 18/05/2015 06:26

Occupation and proferssion are two differernt things.

I am a qualified scientist. I now make money selling artisan food. How should I describe myself?

Catsize · 18/05/2015 06:31

It sounds accurate to me - you're not teaching any longer (other than as a parent of course!). You may go back, but that's not the point.
I used to do gymnastics but I would hot describe myself as a gymnast (far from it!).
You sound a bit snooty about this. I have one of the poshest jobs people could name but would be proud to be a sahm. To me, no job is more important than that.
Change 'housewife' to another word that means the same thing, but to put 'teacher' would be inaccurate in my opinion. You did a doctorate but are no longer studying. Would you put 'student'?

PeachyPants · 18/05/2015 06:34

I put housewife down on my car insurance while I was on Mat Leave because it was cheaper. I wouldn't take it as a slight or waste time stewing over it I doubt he meant any disrespect.

HoggleHoggle · 18/05/2015 06:45

I'm currently a SAHP and have to put housewife for lots of things. I don't overly like it as it sounds so archaic but often it is the most accurate option. Perhaps it was the registrar who suggested it to your dh? Unless there is other stuff which would make you think your dh would have a dig at you in such a way?

CamelHump · 18/05/2015 06:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pagwatch · 18/05/2015 06:54

It's interesting though isn't it - that a teacher thinks being a housewife/sahm is so shameful that she is upset when it is used about her.

Society really does hold quite a lot of contempt for women who are at home.

Catsize · 18/05/2015 07:00

Society also doesn't like women who work. I work more that FT. My partner stays at home with the children. It is assumed that, because I am working, the children are in nursery/with grandparents. I am asked a zillion more childcare-related questions than my male colleagues.

Meechimoo · 18/05/2015 07:01

Yes Pagwatch, I've been saying this for ages. Any role seen as being performed mostly by women is scoffed at. Especially sahms. It's got worse. When I had our eldest 15 years ago it was pretty common thus acceptable to have an extended period of sahm 'dom after giving birth. That's not as common now what with the increased cost of living and government obsession with getting all parents back to work.

TidyDancer · 18/05/2015 07:01

I'm not sure what the issue is tbh. He was correct wasn't he? Being a 'housewife' isn't shameful or something to not be proud about.

Mehitabel6 · 18/05/2015 07:02

I would be upset by the term. I have never been married to the house and think it a silly description. I would change it. You are a teacher- just not working as one at this particular moment.

Meechimoo · 18/05/2015 07:07

Her present occupation isn't a teacher though. She's a sahm, a Mother. Why is it so hard to accept and use that label? Is it seen as shameful or embarrassing and if so, why?