To be hacked off by DH describing me as a housewife?

[April52]

I've been stewing on this for a while. When we had our first DC, the birth certificate was done in hospital with me there. I was a teacher at the time so 'occupation' section was easy to fill in. Going back to work was miserable for a number of reasons so we did the sums and I left work to become a SAHM. I also finished the doctorate I'd started before we decided to settle down and have children. On the birth of DC2, DH dilligently goes down to register and this time puts my occupation as 'housewife'. I do not appreciate this! As far as I'm concerned, my occupation is still a teacher only I'm not currently in the role. Even though I gave up teaching, there has never been a time I haven't used my qualification to do bits of work to keep my hand in an supplement DH's income. I can't help feeling this is a bit of a dig at me not working although he's never said anything outright. Or AIBU and overreacting? And does anyone know if I can go and alter the certificate?

I've not read the whole thread but it requested your 'occupation', as you have left your post you currently are not a teacher in terms of occupation. Occupation is a job or regular activity for which you receive payment. If registrar had said this then they might have suggested housewife rather than your DH. I personally feel there is nothing wrong with being a housewife or referring to yourself or being referred to as one. It is not an insult.

Having said that if you want it changed, I believe you can.

I was a fairly important person with a title once. I have been at home for 18 years. I am still the same intelligent person who had that role. I am not less because of what I do now.
If I put 'professional with fancy title' on DDs birth certificate 7 years ago it would be silly. But that would not be any different really.

I don't know any sahms who didn't have a job/career first. We should stop treating it as if it's a label not a descriptor of how we currently spend our days.

I have nothing against being a SAHM - I was one for years.
I object to being married to a house! I have never been a housewife. (Even stupider term if you are unmarried).

Agree with those saying that your profession is teaching but your current occupation is not. Also agree that's nothing to be ashamed of. It's a fantastic choice to make - feel proud of yourself!

Having said that, I hate the term housewife and prefer SAHM / SAHD.

Why is being a housewife or sahm such an awful thing? I think as women we do ourselves no favours at all when we talk about others choices like this.

You're not working at the moment. You're a sahm or a housewife or whatever other version of the word you prefer. Why would it bother you so much that being on the form?

I used to work in very high end marketing management in the city in London. I am now a sahm. I have no problem whatsoever with that being on any forms etc. I don't consider myself to be a marketing manager!

Housewife does not mean married to the home. In the same way midwife does mean married to mid. Don't be daft it's term. A term wiki describes as...
Housewife is a woman whose main occupation is running or managing her family's home—caring for and educating her children, cooking and storing food, buying goods the family needs in day-to-day life, cleaning and maintaining the home, making clothes for the family, etc.—and who is generally not employed outside the home.

Is that a current description of your occupation?

The accepted definition of 'housewife' in any dictionary you care to consult is not 'woman who is married to her house'. It just isn't so it's pointless and disingenuous to say that it is. There is nothing at all shameful about not working outside the home and I'm truly puzzled by the attitude that there is.

Hahaha - crossed with First.

You are a housewife. You may be a qualified teacher, but you're not in a teaching job at the moment.

Personally I don't see the issue.

Are the 'traditionalists' going to insist "it was correct in the 1950s, so of course it's fine now"?

BecUse of course this is rather less important that what name you choose to go by, and I am always surprised at the number of people who think their idea of what was right can be imposed on other people.

I'm not a traditionalist and I'm not imposing anything on anyone.

I'm answering an op. Op can call herself whatever she wants. There is just nothing shameful about what she is doing now. I wish people wouldn't act as if there was.

Actually I'm properly amused at being sneered at as a traditionalist.

I don't see what he did wrong. How can you be hacked off with it when you did not want to be in employment any more?

If it asks for occupation, then you are technically unemployed. Some use housewife instead of that term.

It's no different to filling in car insurance etc, you don't use past jobs to rate the policy. Likewise if asked what you do, surely you don't say you are a teacher?

The OP does work and has continued to earn money through her teaching qualifications so she could be described as a tutor, examination marker, teacher, coach whatever she has been doing.

Her DH chose to ignore her contribution financially to label her a housewife, that could be a compliment to her role at home but the OP suspects he uses the term as reductively as wider society often does and was snippily diminishing her worth.

I would be unhappy too, language matters and a housewife describes a 50s style woman trapped by endless domestic grind who may well not even have children. The OP is well within her rights to want another label.

Society does have contempt for women's jobs and those labels used pejoratively can be either refused or reclaimed...am not aware that housewife as ever been the subject of a rebranding.

Well, I will stick up for you OP. YANBU. I think 'housewife' is an outdated, misogynistic term with negative connotations and I don't blame you for being annoyed. It is the word that's the problem, not being a SAHM.

Well, "stay at home parent" might be more acceptable, "home maker" is quite frankly sickening, "housewife" is the term most use for a woman not in paid employment but running the home/looking after children. Would you have preferred "unemployed"?

You aren't working as a teacher now, so it's correct. DH has changed jobs between our dcs, so his new title is on dc2's birth certificate.

If the loss of your previous career bothers you, perhaps look at returning to work. Not lying on forms that you do something that you don't.

I think it's a sad indictment on the successful downgrading of necessary activity likely to be dome by women. Not criticising op I would feel the same just think it's sad that we do. If you're not earning there is no value in the eyes of our culture. Depressing.

I don't think that your DH deliberately did it to piss you off OP, he probably got flustered and I'd probably do the same in that situation (put you down as housewife not get flustered).

Oh yes, saying I had an important job 18 years ago is really boast-worthy.

Anyone thinking that was a boast has a really really low threshold.

I also once had wrinkle free skin and could walk in platforms. Knock yourself out

I know
I once was close to awesome.

I once weighed 8 stone and was an international corporate lawyer. Now... Not so much on either fronts!