To be hacked off by DH describing me as a housewife?

[April52]

I've been stewing on this for a while. When we had our first DC, the birth certificate was done in hospital with me there. I was a teacher at the time so 'occupation' section was easy to fill in. Going back to work was miserable for a number of reasons so we did the sums and I left work to become a SAHM. I also finished the doctorate I'd started before we decided to settle down and have children. On the birth of DC2, DH dilligently goes down to register and this time puts my occupation as 'housewife'. I do not appreciate this! As far as I'm concerned, my occupation is still a teacher only I'm not currently in the role. Even though I gave up teaching, there has never been a time I haven't used my qualification to do bits of work to keep my hand in an supplement DH's income. I can't help feeling this is a bit of a dig at me not working although he's never said anything outright. Or AIBU and overreacting? And does anyone know if I can go and alter the certificate?

tiggly, can't somebody just object to the label? Isn't it somewhat akin to a child being described as a hot lunch or a patient being referred to as a serious burn or a blunt trauma. One might refer to my meal or my wound but it doesn't refer to me. I'm not sure that anyone must wear a particular label because someone else finds it useful.

op you are a sahm, as you aren't working, get over it.

OP, educationalist is an accurate description. It says what you want it to say, and it fills in the required box.

I don't get why you want to change it, you say you are not currently working and have no employment so other than to unemployed what else would you put? Why state a past job on there? It's supposed to be accurate at the date of registry.

I looked into this when I registered DC2's birth as I was at the time what I thought temporarily unemployed and didn't want to put my occupation as SAHP/ unemployed etc as that wasn't what I was in my mind at all.

And this is the guidance on my local registry office's website:

'the mother’s occupation (if the Mother is no longer working but had been employed at any time before the birth this occupation can be entered in the register if the mother so wishes)'.

So it isn't just a record of how you were employed (or not) at the date you gave birth.

OP though I wouldn't object or feel offended at that myself (and agree with some others that 'housewife' is accurate enough for SAHM) it sounds like you are, so that's valid enough.

Have you mentioned this to your husband?

This sounds like the issue is more with how your husband views your role than anything else (who will be looking at the birth certificate to make this matter relevant?). In which case would you rather your husband thought of you as a teacher, or described your role as that to others in conversation, even though not currently accurate?

You think this is bad, I was a clown.

When we registered DS1 I was told I had to put down my most recent paid employment, regardless of the fact that I'd been a nanny for a couple of months for a friend who needed a hand, had finished that several months beforehand & was quite happy with my SAHM label. Not only that but it had to be one of the options listed in their box. The registrar seemed desperate for me to be listed as employed in some way.

When we registered DS2 she had a terrible time trying to figure out which title to put down for "Usborne rep". I think I'm listed as a "bookseller" - I'd specifically told her I was giving it up anyway & tried to get her to put me down as a SAHM or volunteer if that wasn't an option.

I wouldn't have been best pleased by "housewife" either though. I think they should add an "other" option to their computer system where the registrar can enter whatever the parent wishes to be listed as. I quite like "house elf" personally! I would've been handed a sock a loooooong time ago!

I think it is an outdated term. It suggests to the literal minded that you are married to a house, and to others that your job is to clean and cook etc rather than childcare. I would prefer stay at home mum if I was one and this was the choice.

But I would probably choose to put my profession, like you, if I was a sahm because I worked hard to qualify, as presumably did you.

So I think yanbu.

In 20 yrs time do you think that Jessica Ennis Hill's kid(s) will look at their birth certificate saying [possibly] International Gold Medal Winning Athlete, and look at her and think "really"? Admittedly she'll only be 49 then so it's possible she won't be an ancient granny type .

It's a fairly transient thing really - what you did for a living or your qualification at the point in time when your kids were born?

Housewife would piss me off too though. It's outdated but then I generally have to register for insurance etc as "office manager" as I can find nothing close on their job categories as to what I do.

Not sure my response was very articulate but who ever looks at a birth certificate anyway? Hardly worth worrying about, unless the real issue is how the OP's husband views her.

I would like to know why they even ask? If it's for data collecting purposes, then it could be obsolete a week later due to people changing jobs, unemployment, further education, SAMP, etc.
What is the point? I don't get it.

happy

When I was a sahm I described my job as a multi support system professional analyst.

And you describe "domestic goddess" as wanky?

I have always assumed the occupation is for identification purposes. When researching family history it has been useful to distinguish between John Smith the farmer and John Smith the carpenter, especially in an era when cousins often had the same name and lived in the same village. Hence it is much more useful to put any occupation than, effectively, none. In a very similar vein, to the OP, my Dad was upset that he had to put "retired" on my marriage certificate, so I see where she is coming from.

Yep I did wonder about whether retired people become upset about being described as retired especially if they've accumulated 40+ years of work. Obviously it's all for forms and all to do with a kind of social policy but these terms just don't seem adequate when it comes to recording who a person is. I like DoraGora's term educationalist as it pretty much sums up my beliefs as well as my chosen occupation(s). Parents educate as well so even if I had no job at all, I'd still be an educationalist.

I started to think I should opt for 'elective housewife' as it gives both me individually and the role in general a bit more force -a sort of 'I have chosen to stay at home as I think it's worth doing' sort of thing.

It's the division of labour that bothers me too with the term as it implies I do all the home stuff and DH does nothing on that front. Well that doesn't reflect us as a couple either!

The long term record isnt about what you feel is your current occupation though. it's about what is. It is a public record, and the answers will matter in future.

When some descendent is researching their family background 200 years from now, isnt it more informative for them to see that you were employed as a teacher at one point, but not employed as a teacher at another stage. Implying you were working then, now, and in-between confuses the issue, and sends them down research rabbit holes.

i was trained as a chef. i have worked as a chef. i may do so again. i have also worked as a retail sales assistant, a shop manager, a data entey clerk, a human resources admin.nI may or may not do any of thise jobs in the future. i may do other jobs entirely. But currently, I am either unemployed, a SAHM, a homemaker, or a housewife.

I would expect your husband, if he was not earning an income, to put Phrase reflecting that at well.