To be hacked off by DH describing me as a housewife?

[April52]

I've been stewing on this for a while. When we had our first DC, the birth certificate was done in hospital with me there. I was a teacher at the time so 'occupation' section was easy to fill in. Going back to work was miserable for a number of reasons so we did the sums and I left work to become a SAHM. I also finished the doctorate I'd started before we decided to settle down and have children. On the birth of DC2, DH dilligently goes down to register and this time puts my occupation as 'housewife'. I do not appreciate this! As far as I'm concerned, my occupation is still a teacher only I'm not currently in the role. Even though I gave up teaching, there has never been a time I haven't used my qualification to do bits of work to keep my hand in an supplement DH's income. I can't help feeling this is a bit of a dig at me not working although he's never said anything outright. Or AIBU and overreacting? And does anyone know if I can go and alter the certificate?

i for one am proud to be a wife, a mother and look after the family, i used to be a nurse but now i'm a house wife and sahm. it's not an insult, it's only the pc brigade that put these 'titles' down as 'insulting'.

To be honest it wouldn't bother me. Your profession is teacher, your current occupation is sahm. Change it if it bothers you that much, but I very much doubt your dh was having a dig - more likely just putting down what you currently do.

Just saw your last post, glad you're feeling a bit happier!

It's the term 'housewife' rather than the role of housewife which I'm not keen on. It feels very 1950s subservient, which obviously it isn't. Domestic Goddess should be an option.

As to "full time parent", this is a nothingness. All parents are full time, including those who work away from the home. I'm no less of a full time parent because I choose to be employed elsewhere.

For the purposes of registering a birth, doubtless an occupation might involve payment. But, monks and nuns are occupied and may well be in receipt of none. I think the term housewife is out of date and refers to somebody whose intention is to be at home looking after the place. The fact that it is impractical not to do that at all, doesn't mean that it's intentional either. The arrangement might be temporary. There is indeed something slightly disparaging about the notion. It implies that the person going out to work is the useful contributor. In Britain we need to have a grown up conversation about this type of terminology. But, if I was unhappy about the form, I'd simply get it changed.

My husband wouldn't have done this as he knows me and thus how much this would piss me off. In my opinion, YANBU at all, and I'd both get it changed and make sure your DH understands exactly why.

Do they put parents' occupations on birth certificates? Really?

Housewife is an American marketing term, invented to sell gadgets to women.

Yes BitOutOfPractice. I have no idea why.

It's not on my DCs' certificates - I just checked. Is it just kept on the registrar's records?

There is a short certificate and a long one, i think the ocuupations only appear in the long one. But i am prepared to be corrected.

domestic goddess bit wanky though.

Like your last post op that's good. I think it's the feeling of a loss of personal identity that threw you.

When I was a sahm I described my job as a multi support system professional analyst.

Shuts people up.

I think the problem is so many of us do define ourselves via our work. And for years, the role of 'housewife' has been sneered in terms of "1950s housewife"

I don't like "stay at home parent" as job title - it's too long, SAHM might be fine for a websites, but not for forms. "housewife" is pretty much what I do, I'm no longer working outside the home, I'm looking after the home and the children.

I think perhaps it's time us "housewives" reclaimed the word away from the image of a 1950s subservent woman.

Nolim - you're right. My occupation is on my dds long one but not on her short one.

oh and while they are amusing, I don't like other phrases for housewife like 'domestic godess' or as above 'multi support system professional analyst' (impressive sounding though!) - mainly because it sounds like you are ashamed of saying "housewife" like it's universally agreed that it's not something to be proud of, and you should be a little bit embarrassed about not being in paid employment.

I hate the word housewife because if the 'wife' in it. I don't see being a wife as part of my role tbh. We are equal partners and I'm not the wife who stays at home as opposed to the wife who goes to work. I don't like being defined by my marital status.

I don't know what would be better. Homemaker is naff. But I don't think that the fact there isn't a better word out there means we should just stick with the old word. I don't think it's for for purpose!

Given the up scaling of job titles you get in the public sector how about 'domestic manager'!

Op - yanbu because changing role is a big deal and sometimes it can be a bit of a shock when you realise you're in a brave new world!

Meh it's a joke.

I don't define myself by my job anyway that's just sad.

The people who start conversations with 'and what do you do?! Are usually the biggest bores in the room.

Would love to be a housewife again. This working lark is too bloody hard

I'd be fuming about this too.

It's up to you to decide what goes on your dcs bc not your Dh.

It's easy to forget that it's not long ago that wing a housewife wasn't a choice. My mil was a highly ambitious career woman but has to give it up when she had a family. For her, referring to herself as a housewife was extremely painful. So the word Is very loaded for some older generations.

And yes 'what do you do' is a question that makes my heart sink as you know it's going to end up a boring conversation about their work.

This has made me go and dig out our DS's birth certificate to see what my 'occupation' is .......... he is 14 years old and I have never given any thought to what was written on the BC ............ anyway I can't even find it so that's another problem to deal with.

But why do people get so het up about their 'occupation title' - I was a SAHM for years, now I do a pretty low grade part time job but years ago I had a very senior profession ........... but I am the same person whatever job I use to describe myself. .

I don't use "housewife" because dp and I aren't married so anything with "wife" in feels disingenuous. "Stay at Home Mum" is fine (if anyone ever asks I say I'm at home with our son) but as pp said a bit long. "Homemaker" seems to be used more rarely. Meh. I struggle to get worked up about it, whichever you use it's just so people know what you do and each of the above tells them.

I spent 15 years as an SAHM.

Initially the term "housewife" niggled me slightly, but mainly because I had been used to earning and having my own money up until then.

I settled into the SAHM role fairly quickly though, and just got past caring how it was referred to. Most people are just using a traditional term, rather than intending to be derogatory.

I work part time now, and sometimes from home, so I guess I am a bit in-between really.

Not sure what it says for my occupation on my kids' birth certificates. Is it a compulsory section or can it be left blank?

Did the word exist before the US corps invented it? I think what was before that was, mother. Clearly you can be a mother and an industrialist. But, you can't be a housewife and an industrialist.

It is quite an old-fashioned term, isn't it? Sort of like "spinster" which is still sometimes used in official documentation. I think in your case I might have put part-time teacher or something like that, since it sounds as though you do work quite a bit outside the home.

FWIW, I don't think being a housewife or SAHP is any more noble (as someone above stated) than being a doctor or working at Sainsbury's. It's no less noble either, of course.