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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed this woman asked my husband to zip her dress up?

347 replies

mynameisvivienne · 17/05/2015 21:38

My friend had a house party last night for her birthday. She has a large kitchen so most of us were in there when a random woman asked my husband to zip her dress up as it was coming down at the back.

She was with friends and has never met my husband (or me) ever before.

Aibu to have been annoyed?

OP posts:

EElisavetaOfBelsornia · 19/05/2015 22:11

FWIW I just ran this scenario past my DH. He said not flirting, because ZipZilla didn't seriously think something was going to happen with someone clearly taken. Just nasty, intended to upset the OP. So YANBU.

Roseforarose · 19/05/2015 22:24

No, you're right Dad we could do with a bit more from the OP.

Gabilan · 19/05/2015 22:51

Like what? Blood?

I suspect the OP's DH has forgotten it even happened.

badg3r · 19/05/2015 22:53

OP, I would be a bit annoyed about this too, mainly on behalf of my OH for being put in a socially awkward position. It's a bit of an odd thing to innocently ask someone you don't know, unless her dress was literally about to fall round he ankles and he was the only one close enough in her moment of panic, in which case, fair do's It's the equivalent in my opinion of a stranger asking me to tie their tie... a bit too familiar for someone you don't know. Although I have enjoyed it's consequences on this thread, who know it could be such a decisive topic?!

Eigg · 19/05/2015 23:34

Rose andDad - why do you feel it's imperative to understand Vivienne's DH's feelings about the incident?

The thread is about whether it was reasonable for Vivienne to be annoyed.

Whether her DH was annoyed/embarrassed/unconcerned (or not) doesn't negate the OP's feelings at the time.

She is allowed to be annoyed even if he isn't you know...(you do know that right?)

DadDadDad · 20/05/2015 00:02

You do know that right?

Yes, I certainly do. But when you are trying to judge what is reasonable in a situation, it's quite useful to get the perspective of someone else who was a participant in the situation. As I don't suppose the zip-woman is going to come on here anytime here soon, DH is the obvious witness to call!

DadDadDad · 20/05/2015 00:04

But to be honest, this is a pretty trivial event, and I'm not going to pester the OP to answer the question. This thread has probably run its course!

Original poster

mynameisvivienne · 20/05/2015 00:04

Rose andDad - why do you feel it's imperative to understand Vivienne's DH's feelings about the incident?

I know. I'm quite confused as to why despite answering the question it's still not enough. We did not have some in-depth discussion about it. In my eyes he did nothing wrong. Perhaps I could have teased him about it but I didn't.

Would you like me to ask him to sign up and start an AIBU of his own ...?

"Was I being unreasonable to have zipped up the black dress of a random aggressive whore because my mental and scary wife who was stood next to me burst into flames of rage?"

I really feel like this thread has just gone quite overboard. In reality I wouldn't have dwelled on it for this long.

(Also thanks for everyone for the kind comments )

OP posts:

Roseforarose · 20/05/2015 00:06

Eigg if you read back through the thread you'll see there's far more than me and Dad who wondered about the OPs feelings about the matter. It's called being interested, why shouldn't we be. The OPs feelings of being annoyed would probably be less so imo if her DH had expressed his feelings on the matter. Why are you bothered that many of us are interested. The thread has had a lot of imput, I don't see the harm in knowing the full story.
Like you say the thread was about whether it was reasonable about the OP being annoyed. To be able to give a good answer it helps to know what her DHs views on it were. His response to it could very easily lessen or worsen her annoyance.

DadDadDad · 20/05/2015 00:07

Cross-post! I agree that this thread has grown out of all proportion to the incident. I'll leave you and your DH in peace...

Roseforarose · 20/05/2015 00:15

(Also thanks for everyone for the kind comments
You're welcome, as you will see I was one of the first to say Yanbu. It wasn't just me who wondered what your DHs reactions were. Many more did, just wondered why you just mentioned me and Dad rather than the nasty ones. Anyway the thread seems to have come to a natural end so no worries.

Original poster

mynameisvivienne · 20/05/2015 00:24

You're welcome, as you will see I was one of the first to say Yanbu. It wasn't just me who wondered what your DHs reactions were. Many more did, just wondered why you just mentioned me and Dad rather than the nasty ones. Anyway the thread seems to have come to a natural end so no worries.

Well actually I was referring to people that went out of their way to say something positive about how I reacted to the thread.

Sure it's nice to have "YANBU" replies but it would seem silly to thank people for it. I asked for opinions, so it would seem redundant to dismiss a "YABU" just because they don't agree with me.

The nasty ones? I wouldn't give them the head space really. People only say nasty things on AIBU because they are dying for you to react/be dramatic/flounce.

I noticed a few people asked about my husbands reaction and I answered it. I only noticed you and Dad who were not satisfied with my answer and it just baffled me slightly.

OP posts:

Roseforarose · 20/05/2015 00:36

Well it wasn't really a big deal, I just wondered if he thought she was weird or whatever.. You say a few asked about your DHs reaction but me and dad weren't satisfied with your answer......well that's because you didn't give an answer, you didn't actually say what his reaction was. Just showing an interest that's all, not a big deal though if you don't want to say.

Original poster

mynameisvivienne · 20/05/2015 00:39

well that's because you didn't give an answer, you didn't actually say what his reaction was

Well I said he zipped up her dress and was about the whole thing. That was his reaction. Theres no big secret. I already said we didn't discuss it. I'm not sure what I'm suppose to elaborate on.

OP posts:

Eigg · 20/05/2015 01:02

Rose and Dad I only specifically mentioned you by name because you were the most recent to comment on it. No other motive.

Goodnight all and thank you Vivienne for a most entertaining thread. As ever MN opens my eyes to a whole different perspective.

donemekmelarf · 20/05/2015 09:49

This is the most ridiculous, overblown thing I've ever seen on Mumsnet. Ever. Seriously. A zip???

Not really.
the fact it's got over 300 replies shows that the subject of flirting (and when it's appropriate to flirt and when it's not). The whole debate of how some people fail to stick toaccepted social boundaries, is a good subject for discussion.

It's not just about a zip. The zip is neither here nor there

donemekmelarf · 20/05/2015 09:51

I also know a woman who expresses her dislike of particular women by flirting outrageously with their husbands in front of them. If these women object they are classed as jealous or paranoid

You would think people would have evolved from such childish behavior

donemekmelarf · 20/05/2015 09:56

It's the equivalent in my opinion of a stranger asking me to tie their tie... a bit too familiar for someone you don't know

You have hit the nail on the head.
Even if the woman wasn't flirting, it's still not normal to go up to a complete stranger and ask them to adjust an item of clothing for you.

donemekmelarf · 20/05/2015 10:00

Have a nice day vivienne.
You have come across as very cool calm and collected all the way through this thread, so the fact this woman annoyed you shows that you were definitely, NOT BEING UNREASONABLE.

Roseforarose · 20/05/2015 10:26

It's not just about a zip. The zip is neither here nor there
Exactly Donemekmelarf, the actual zip thing is irrelevant, it was the open flirting with someone who should have been off bounds. That's why this thread has raised interest, also the OP was unable to come back to the thread for a while to give the extra details, so that also often prolongs threads. The only thing that amazes me is how many actually thought the OP was being unreasonable.

vodkanchocolate · 20/05/2015 10:28

Last night in bed chatting to my husband when this thread popped in my head, I asked him what he would do if a random asked to be zipped up he said it would never cross his mind it was something flirty or sexual and that he would purely just agree to be helpful, in the same way he gets asked by little old ladies to reach things for them in the supermarket lol. Then made the comment that he would love to watch me zipping a lady haha

MaidOfStars · 20/05/2015 12:57

he said it would never cross his mind it was something flirty or sexual

Then made the comment that he would love to watch me zipping a lady haha

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