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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed this woman asked my husband to zip her dress up?

347 replies

mynameisvivienne · 17/05/2015 21:38

My friend had a house party last night for her birthday. She has a large kitchen so most of us were in there when a random woman asked my husband to zip her dress up as it was coming down at the back.

She was with friends and has never met my husband (or me) ever before.

Aibu to have been annoyed?

OP posts:
MaidOfStars · 18/05/2015 13:04

I'd just assume she was standing next to him

The OP has corrected this assumption.

Penguinsaresmall · 18/05/2015 13:05

Ha ha. Oh how I would love to be a cool wife, happily waving DH off on a fortnight's piss-up in Magaluf, or for a night out in a lap-dancing club, or to spend the night in the 'spare room' of a female colleague who I'd never heard of before just because it's 'convenient' and who's husband happens to work away. Or to not bat an eyelid when a random woman wanders over and asks him to help her dress herself...

Gabilan · 18/05/2015 13:12

"why would you ask a random stranger to do anything"

Beer. Or wine. Just alcohol really. Does impede your judgement a bit.

Eigg · 18/05/2015 13:15

Shakey people ask Mumsnet what to have for dinner for goodness sake so I don't see why the OP wasn't entirely reasonable to ask about this.

As to why she was annoyed? Well people react to things in different ways. I'd have found it funny and thought the other woman was making herself ridiculous but it's not in any way an abnormal response to be annoyed. Lots of my friends would have been.

donemekmelarf · 18/05/2015 13:16

Crossing a room, away from your friends to ask an unknown member of the opposite sex to adjust your clothing is flirting. I'm astonished that anyone thinks otherwise.
Deliberately flirting with someone in front of their partner is rude. (Again astonished that anyone thinks otherwise)
So no, you weren't unreasonable to raise an eyebrow and be a bit miffed

Women who flirt with men in front of their partners are very insecure.
What are they hoping to achieve? Confused

Eigg · 18/05/2015 13:17

Gabi but that just leads back to:

Rude
Ridiculous
A bit pathetic

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 18/05/2015 13:20

Was the dress very tight, OP? I'm wondering if MissZippy worried for the fingernails of the women around her so had to ask the nearest man to wrestle the sides closed and heave the zip back up whilst squashing her into it? Is this what happened.

I'm killing myself laughing at EatDerek's alternative zip-duction scenes... Grin

If you trust your husband and aren't bothered that another woman is going to pinch him then what is the problem exactly? Do you want to talk about this zip-challenged woman or just predatory females in general?

Shakey1500 · 18/05/2015 13:21

Eigg I realise folk ask about all and sundry on MN. And as I said in my first response, she felt how she felt. But also, not unreasonable of folk (or friends) to explore why. Granted she doesn't need to have a reason why, she just.... felt as she felt. Anyway, going round in circles Smile

Roussette · 18/05/2015 13:25

How many steps did this woman have to take to ask your DH to zip up her dress? How many inches was the dress unzipped? I need to know these details

I have a funny feeling, OP, you would probably hate me at parties. I chat to anyone and everyone, male and female. I went to a party recently where there was a couple of guys I knew from 25 years ago and hadn't really seen them since. both exes of mine actually Grin

It was great to catch up after all these years but one of the DW's acted like one of the blokes keeper. She couldn't stand me talking to her DH and kept coming up and putting her hands on his arm, round his neck, marking her territory. Listen, dear, I am not interested in your overweight bald DH, (my DH is far more desirable) get over yourself, we are just chatting about old friends we know.

Both me and my DH always chat to the opposite sex at parties, it's FUN. If some woman asked my DH to zip up a dress, I would just take the mick out of him especially as he's likely to break the zip

FlaviaAlbia · 18/05/2015 13:32

zip-duction GrinGrinGrin

Eigg · 18/05/2015 13:35

Rousette I'm pretty sure you've completely missed the OP's point.

No where in this thread has she indicated that she has any problem with her DH talking to another woman.

bigbumtheory · 18/05/2015 13:37

I'd have found it hilarious if she'd thought she was flirting with a single man. I've done that before by mistake and been mortified at flirting in front of a partner.

I'd have been amused and thought she was a bot of a prat for flirting with someone in front of their partner if she knew but that's because the people I know who do that have very low self esteem and need the ego boost. Plus sometimes it works for them.

Did your dh zip it?

FryOneFatManic · 18/05/2015 13:39

Women who flirt with men in front of their partners are very insecure.
What are they hoping to achieve?

Sadly, it's most likely for a boost to a fragile self-esteem. I've come across a lot of women for whom the attention of a bloke is important, because their self-esteem is at rock bottom.

BluebeardsSidekick · 18/05/2015 13:50

Can someone point me to the part in the OP or the OP's responses where she says that this woman crossed the room to approach her husband?

I genuinely can't see it but I may have overlooked it.

My understanding is that the woman was with friends but that she asked the OP's husband who "was not the closest person to her". That could mean that the OP's husband was 3 foot to the woman's immediate right but not the closest person to her as her friend was 2 foot to her immediate left.

If the woman had crossed the room or bypassed several others to get to the OP's husband I think the OP would have said so by now. Unless, as I said, I've overlooked that bit.

DownWithThisTypeOfThing · 18/05/2015 13:52

But regardless of why she did or didn't ask her friends to zip the dress, it doesn't mean that the woman was flirting with DH by asking him to do it. She may well have been, but it's not a forgone conclusion. People can do things which seem odd without it being flirting.

Roussette · 18/05/2015 14:01

Eigg maybe I have it wrong - I just get the feeling that the OP wouldn't like her DH chatting to another woman but maybe I am making assumptions.

What is flirting? Is chatting with other men I know at a party, flirting? I don't think so... To look at the other side of the coin, my DH and I are comfortable enough in our relationship to chat/flirt/laugh (whatever you like to call it) with members of the opposite sex at a party and both of us have reasonable self esteems.

I really need to know how far this woman walked to get the OP's DH to zip her up. If she sashayed across the room whilst licking her lips provocatively, yes she was BU. If she turned 90degrees and walked 2 paces to the nearest person to her as her friends were busy chatting, no she was not BU

louwn · 18/05/2015 14:08

Ha I think I have probably done this in the past...would probably ask a woman in preference though. Not all women are trying to bed your husband OP : )

limitedperiodonly · 18/05/2015 14:09

I knew someone who'd do this sort of thing all the time. She was in constant competition with other women and her self-esteem rested on attention from men, especially attached men.

Invariably it would embarrass the man and create an awkward situation between him and his partner - and no, I don't think the partners were being jealous bitches. It was deliberately insulting and said more about her relationship with other women than with men.

Most men wouldn't flirt back. They'd just be dumbstruck that she'd done it, a bit like a deer in headlights.

It embarrassed us so much too that we dropped her.

Gabilan · 18/05/2015 14:11

In social situations I sometimes get into quite intense conversations with a variety of people - male/ female/ attached/ unattached/ unknown partnership status. I'm not flirting with them, I just enjoy talking about a variety of subjects. Believe it or not, it is their minds I find interesting.

Quite often, if the person in question happens to be male and his partner is there, I get the distinct impression she's jealous. At that point I leave things well alone. It's funny to think that a lot of people on this thread might think I was flirting, desperately insecure and unable to function without male attention simply from this snapshot of me.

It's not going to stop me from having interesting conversations. (I do up my own zips).

Penguinsaresmall · 18/05/2015 14:12

Gabilan I think you missed the point of the thread, because as you said, (I do up my own zips)

Gabilan · 18/05/2015 14:19

Penguin the thread has moved on from the original premise. If you read many of the subsequent posts, there is an assumption from some people that women interacting with married men are somehow desperately craving attention. Now if someone knows the woman in question reasonably well and has seen her in social situations a lot (as in the situation limited describes above) they might have a point.

What I'm pointing out is that sometimes women do things that are interpreted as flirting (which may or may not be flirting) and others then make snap judgements about their level of self esteem.

I find it odd. We have a brief description of this woman from the OP but otherwise no-one on here knows anything about her. And yet we're qualified to know about her state of mind? I doubt it.

Penguinsaresmall · 18/05/2015 14:22

Gablian I don't think the thread has moved on, I think some posters have started to make unfair assumptions about the OP.

I don't think anybody has suggested that having a conversation with a (married) member of the opposite sex equals flirting.

limitedperiodonly · 18/05/2015 14:43

It's not the conversation, it's the act. Asking someone of the opposite sex to adjust your clothing for you is a bold flirtatious act unless you are devoid of social skills or are eight and at Scout camp with Akela.

Doing it when that person is not available for flirting by virtue of being with someone else is aggressive and fucking weird.

limitedperiodonly · 18/05/2015 14:56

A man I worked with did something unsettling to me once. He was dressing for a black tie do that he was going to straight from the office and asked me to tie his bow tie.

I said okay but then realised it was quite an intimate act. He made me feel very uncomfortable and I'm not imagining it or giving myself airs. I later found out that he used to say this from about me.

I love that film but it wasn't funny in the context, which was that he knew I was married. I later found out that DH hated him because whenever we were all out together he flirted with me in a put-down to DH.

I was oblivious and DH never mentioned it until much later.

Some people want to treat you and your partner like white rats in their private lab.

I'd count people who flirt 'for a laugh' in that number.

donemekmelarf · 18/05/2015 14:56

^It's not the conversation, it's the act. Asking someone of the opposite sex to adjust your clothing for you is a bold flirtatious act unless you are devoid of social skills or are eight and at Scout camp with Akela.*

Doing it when that person is not available for flirting by virtue of being with someone else is aggressive and fucking weird

Exactly.

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